Speak up or bite my tongue?
 

So, I was invited to present a talk as a guest lecturer at a university (not my alma mater). After the presentation and Q&A session, I went to lunch with some of the students who attended. We ate in the Student Union on campus.

The Student Union has tables where the sorority members all gather for meals, and flags hang over the tables indicating which tables are for which groups.

It just so happened that my group was sitting right between two sorority tables: the ABCs and the XYZs. And, they're right in the middle of rush.

So, during a lull in the conversation at our table, I overhear members of ABC (who were even wearing ABC shirts, so it wasn't just random people sitting at the ABC table) talking loudly about how bitchy XYZs are, and how they hope PNMs see just how awful they really are. They then proceeded to bad-mouth EVERY other group on campus.

This isn't the first time I've visited this campus, and it also isn't the first time I've experienced ultra-foul behavior from this chapter of ABC. And to top it all off, this chapter of ABC has struggled for a while.

I struggled with what to do. I obviously wasn't going to say anything since I was with a group of students who, as far as I knew, weren't aware of the conversation going on beside us. But I realllllllly wanted to go back to that table afterwards and say, "Look, you don't know me from Adam, and I heard every comment you just made. That was totally inappropriate!" But, I didn't.

I'm friends with an alum from another chapter of ABC, so I'm tempted to contact her and tell her this story. But I always hate to make waves. I know sorority members can harbor ill-will during rush, but this really was excessive... and quite public.

Anyone here have any suggestions? Am I making too much of it? These ABCs aren't doing anything positive for themselves by talking trash about the other groups, but that's not news to anyone here.

I'm just wishing these sorority members knew just how much people observe, even when they don't seem to be paying attention.

^^^ That was a joke. :)

But seriously, I think if you didn't talk to them as it happened, and it's not your organization, you should let it go.

You're probably right.

However, if someone witnessed my chapter doing this, I'd want to know about it. I might not even do anything about it once I knew, but at least I'd feel better prepared in case other things came up.

If they're the struggling chapter, they are just making themselves look like a bunch of sour grapes by dissing all the other groups in public. They're busy with their own destruction without your having to tip them off to the fact that they're asshats. So just let it go.

If your friend the ABC alum was from that chapter and knew the girls, I might mention it, but since she isn't anything she says is going to go in one ear and out the other.

does flagged tables for groups in the student union strike anyone else as seeming really middle school?

Nah.... I've visited schools where this existed and it was more like decoration. It was in no way territorial.

This happened to me. I observed some extremely inappropriate public behavior from some XYZs. I don't know any alumnae personally, so I PM'd a couple of Greekchat XYZ alumnae so that they could decide whether any action was warranted. They were grateful for the heads up, and I believe they got in touch with the chapter's advisors and some changes were made.

I don't think it could hurt for you to tell your ABC alum friend what you heard (or, for that matter, to tell a Greekchat ABC alum). If she thinks the girls need some guidance, she can always get in touch with that chapter's advisors, or an ABC consultant, who will be more persuasive. At any rate, if you let someone know, then an actual member can decide what's best for ABC; right now they don't know what's going on, so they can't make that decision.
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I vote for telling your friend the alum - you do have a dog in this fight, because ABC's behavior reflects on ALL sororities. Your average student with no knowledge of the Greek system would only know that sorority members are back stabbing bitches - it wouldn't matter what letters they are wearing.
Let your friend know your concern, and then let her do with the information what she will.

Ok, let me ask you all this question...

If your sorority was the one in question (ABC), and I sent you a PM saying so, would you be like, "WTF? Why tell me?" or would you think, "Thanks for passing along the info." ???

Oh, and AlphaGamUGAAlum, you're right about the territorial nature of the flagged tables. It screams of middle school, and let me tell you, if you're not Greek and you sit at one of "their" tables, you'll be told (yes, told, not asked) to leave. I've seen it happen and it's not pretty. I'm so glad the Greek culture at my school was nothing like this, or I'd probably never have gotten involved!

Thanks for all the responses, btw.

I think it would really depend on who you send it to in a pm in the GLO. Personally, I'm not overly involved with my alum org or my sorority on a national level, so I'd be like "Oooook... that sucks that it was a chapter of my sorority, but every sorority has bad chapters, right?" As much as I'd like to think that all members of all sororities are perfect little angels, I know that's not the case in the real world. If it were to a member who is clearly more involved than I am, they possibly might be more interested in knowing.

I think it would depend on your relationship with the person you are tell as well as how involved they are. As an alum, I'm pretty involved with my chapter, but I think that how I would react to that situation would also depend on who was telling me and what they thought I was going to do with that information...

It depends on who you pass the info along to. I'd say "Thanks for the info" and this situation would be dealt with. But I'm a Chapter Advisor and that's part of my job IMO. If on the other hand I weren't an active alum I'd probably say something similar to Texas*Princess, "I hate to hear that" and wonder to myself what exactly am I supposed to do with this info?

I guess my question is, why do you care? I do think that sorority women should mind their P's and Q's in public, but that's why they have standards programming built into their membership education program.

If you encounter this again, go up to the girls and say, "I'm a sorority alum from another school and I couldn't help but overhear you bashing the other chapters here. I'm really disappointed and I felt so strongly that I needed to say something-- the way you are talking right now has left me with a very bad impression of your sorority, not the others. I am sure you are all better people than the way you've just portrayed yourselves. Please watch what you're saying in public and please be Panhellenic. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest."

I don't think you need to go reporting them to anyone.

Oh, I don't know, ADPiUCF, as much as I like to deal directly with people and not turn to other people to address something I could handle myself: a group of people willing to publicly and loudly bash another group might not react to a stranger's admonishment as well as we might hope. Unless you have some reason to think they will be receptive, I don't think I'd want to be part of the scene that might follow.

I think that you should find out who the chapter advisor is and tell her. I think usually wouldn't take more than two phone calls to do so: one to Greek life and one to the advisor.

The information just puts any other alumna in a odd position, and might end up doing more harm than good. (If a chapter had never heard a peep out of me ever, why would it be particularly helpful to hear a second hand criticism through me? If enough alumnae hear negative stories about a chapter, will it erodes support for a struggling chapter from within the organization itself?)

Take it to the chapter advisor, or even better, to the undergraduate chapter president.