Lifestyles of the Greek or College Students in General
 

Ok. Please don't crucify me for this question. I watched the new show "Greek" last night. I understand that it is not an entirely accurate picture of Greek life, but there are some shreds of truth in the show. I'm wondering if the portrayal of and attitude toward sex (fairly casual) is what's happening in Greek life or maybe just in college today. My daughter will be starting college in the fall.

I understand that not everyone acts in the same way in any organization/situation. I am just wondering what things are like out there today in general.

PM'd you

I'd say yes, if we're speaking generally. Did you watch the most recent episode, or the pilot?

IF you watched the most recent episode...
One thing that I thought was exaggerated was Rusty's original attitude toward losing his virginity, even if it was to a stranger. I am sure things like that happen, but I haven't personally experienced anything like that. I'm glad he decided to wait until it was special- so really the show is demonstrating a lot of different values and standards for the right time to have sex, which is realistic. And Dale's reaction and his whole Abstinence club thing, while played for laughs on the show, is also something you'll find in college, especially here in the South.

One thing that I think continues to ring really true is the relationship between Cappie and Casey. For them, sex was special the first time they did it... but then later, they hook up again in an attempt for Casey to get back at her boyfriend. I think that having sexual encounters with different levels of meaning and commitment is probably the norm.

And yes, there are lots of freshman sluts like Rebecca Logan who go about trying to find fraternity friends by sleeping their way in.

ETA: I wanted to add that I don't see any difference between the attitude of the general college population and the Greek population when it comes to sex. The only difference is that if you date/hook up within the Greek system, it's a much smaller microcosm with the potential to accidentally upset many, many branches of your social tree. A random hook-up is more likely to be someone's ex-boyfriend or the pledge brother of the guy to whom you lost your virginity.

While I haven't watched the show yet, I've had a lot of exposure to the current collegiate environment and I do think that the current generation is a lot more open about sexual topics than my generation was, but it certainly isn't only the greeks and it certainly isn't all college students. I think attitudes toward oral sex, especially, are much more relaxed. In the early/mid 80's, oral sex was kind of a bigger deal than intercourse. There have been articles in magazines and on the TV "magazine" shows like Dateline and 20/20 about that. In general, there seems to be more acceptance of previously "taboo" subjects, such as girl/girl kissing at parties/bars, even when the participants are not lesbians. I think that we have had trends of more liberal vs. more conservative sexual openness and we are in a period of more sexual openness. Clearly, the 70's were more open. The 80's got more conservative with the discovery of AIDS and we have moved into a more open time again.

Some concrete examples: 1) I was a dueling pianos bar last night (at a college campus, although the patrons were from every generation) and once every hour or so, the piano players had the waitstaff come up and do dances for the patrons. Two of the waitresses got up on the pianos to dance and the others were in front of the piano. They did the song "I can mashed potato, I can do the twist..." and they changed the words at one point and said "I can do the breast stroke". The waitstaff on the floor mimiced the swimming stroke, but the waitresses on the pianos stroked their breasts. That kind of openness was very atypical in the mid 80's.
2) My son, when he was 9, asked me how lesbians have sex because they don't have the right parts. I think back to when I was 9 and I don't think I even knew the word sex, let alone the word lesbian.
3) The whole "friends with benefits" phenomenon. This one is the hardest for me to understand because, in my day, a friend was a friend and a boyfriend was a friend with whom you had a sexual attraction so it only makes sense to me that a "friend with benefits" is probably someone you should just be in a relationship with!

I'm not slamming the current generation at all either. I think, in some ways, it is better to be open about things. I'm glad my kids know what homosexuality is and understand that some people are just attracted to the same sex instead of the opposite sex. But, I think to a lot of older folks, it is shocking that the generation is so open.

In fact, the group of friends I was with last night were discussing the "bra strap" mania. Where we used to either 1) avoid halters/tanks/spaghetti straps or 2) wear strapless bras, it is now commonplace to see bra straps. Granted, some of them are clear to make them "invisible", many are color coordinated and actually incorporated into the outfit. Is that good? bad? I dunno, but it's the way things are right now! (and ironically, it's that way for a generation who think panty lines are a crime!)

Regarding the tv show, it's a collection of probably every story you have ever heard about Greeks and college in general, all slapped onto 3 ficticious chapters. So no, you are not going to find that all of those experiences are going to happen AT ONCE to a small group of kids at a single school.

That being said, things appear to be no different than they were 15 years ago - Greek or nonGreek. People hooked up, relationships came and went, and people got drunk. You can replace sororities & fraternities with any representation on campus. There are hundreds of schools with out Greeks. Kids still act the same way. Think about the stories about sports players... if you took all those stories and applied them to a college sports team, it would be pretty entertaining.

And that's what it is.

You need to have an open dialogue with your daughter and ask her how she sees herself in college. No one forces you to drink or have sex. She is still in control.

I haven't seen the show, but I would say being Greek has alot less of an effect on someone's attitudes towards casual sex then the overall college enviroment does.

Almost every single one of the girls I know at my school that I consider promiscuous are actually independents.

Ain't that the truth. When I was in college, even sleeping in the same bed with another girl (if you were in a hotel at spring break or something) was treading on the fine line of what was acceptable. If a girl would have kissed another girl, drunk or sober, we would have never heard the end of it.

I find the whole thing repugnant, not because I'm homophobic but because more often than not girls are doing it to excite guys. If you can't excite guys on your own without doing that you have a problem.

We had "friends with benefits" back in those days, too...we maybe just weren't so open about it.

Anyway to the OP - it honestly depends on the person. I think your daughter will find there's less peer pressure to do anything (sex, drinking, whatever) than there was in high school.

Just remember what I say often. Reality TV is a contradiction of terms. (I've been a TV director for almost 40 years)

To say that some of the things you see on the show don't happen would be less than honest.

To say that the show is the norm would be ridiculous.

Like almost everything else you see in prime time, it is drama, not reality.

As far as my experience goes, I have met people (Greek and Non-Greek) who see sex as no big deal and I have met people who take sex very seriously. Generally, I do think that the overall attitude toward sex is casual, but as long as you have your boundaries set, this shouldn't matter too much. It might make it a little harder if everyone around you is so casual about it, but it's still possible to stick to your boundaries and wait to have sex if that's what you truly want. Personally, nobody has ever pressured or tried to convince me to have sex. Also, there will be like-minded people you can surround yourself with for support, if needed.

As far as the show goes, I think that it is somewhat entertaining, however I find myself laughing at some of the things they say & do because I know that has not/would not happen in my sorority. For instance, the scene where the sorority president is telling her sister to stay with her cheating boyfriend and even pressuring her to have sex with him (for the sake of the sorority). I do not know one girl in my sorority that would tell me to stay with a cheating scum bag for the sake of the sorority, much less try to convince me to sleep with him! Quite the opposite, my sisters would be taking my side and help me get through the breakup. And about the scene where the sorority pledges are dancing scantily clad on a fraternities lawn...no self-respecting sorority at my school would ever do that! We look down upon that kind of behavior.

Something 33girl said struck me as being right on target:

"I think your daughter will find there's less peer pressure to do anything (sex, drinking, whatever) than there was in high school."

I'm not sure which "OSU" your screen name stands for (Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon), but I grew up in Columbus where we pretty much graduated socially from Middle School (Junior High at that time) to college -- attending parties, bars, street dances, etc. on the Ohio State Campus. There was a huge amount of peer pressure from high school friends to do "college" things instead of "high school" ones.

I think 33 is right. Socially, college was much more relaxed, at least for me, and I never expected to be in a fraternity. I just met a bunch of guys I really liked and got along with, and the rest, as they say, is history.

LOL, isnt that the whole idea of joining any club or group?

Finding people that you feel good with?:)

Peer preasure will be with all of our lives!:D

I agree too.

And, 33girl is probably right too that some things happened back then but you didn't hear about it as much. I also agree with her about why girls do some of the outrageous things that they do now and I feel badly that women haven't come further along than doing something outrageous sexually to attract the attention of men.

[quote I understand that not everyone acts in the same way in any organization/situation. I am just wondering what things are like out there today in general.[/quote]

I think there's a lot of peer pressure involved in college and in greek life, so like another member mentioned, it would really depend on the person. I would just tell your daughter not to fall victim to peer pressure and to just be herself. Just tell her when she gets to college not to do anything she's not comfortable with.

sex is a pretty casual thing in college, though it varies based on the college. Also, while at some schools the greeks may be the most promiscuous on campus, they may be the most pious at others. Girl-girl kissing at bars certainly wasn't common among sorority girls at my school, or at my school in general.