dumbthing i found
 

This is something dumb I found. No offence to anyone. I got a laugh and hopefully everyone else will. If this offends anyone I'm sorry but i don't think its bad. Just stupid.

Dear Jesus
No matter how loudly I sing your praises in the quad at my campus, while ringing a Salvation Army bell and smearing passersby with my own unworthy feces, I still can't get laid. In fact, there's several people who've already filed restraining orders against me! What am I doing wrong?

Sincerely,
Puzzled Missionary

Dear Puzzled Missionary
People don't like to be smeared with poop. --JHC