Empty Nest Syndrome...
 

Greetings!

For those who are leaving/left the nest what was your experience like?

For the parents, did you experience the “empty nest syndrome?”

When I went to college it was hard on a lot of people because I chose to go out of the state. Now that I’m done with undergrad, I’ve decided to go to grad school out of state again, and perhaps move out of state for good. Although I have a younger sister, my parents are still having a severe case of empty nest syndrome. It won’t change my decision, because I know if they love me, they’ll let me go and be me. Eventually they’ll get over it. But I wanted to get an idea of your experiences; perhaps, to cope better with mine. Thank you in advance.

I did a search on this topic and didn’t succeed in finding one. If there is one, feel free to close this one. But please point me in the direction of the other one. ;)

Kamryn,
My Mother *encouraged* me to go to college out of state because she said that she wanted me to use the opportunity to go out and see something new in the world. My Dad was ok with it also so I don't think that they experienced any real sadness about me leaving. :) Now, that was 92 so some 15 years later I still have not moved back to state in which they live and my Dad is trying to get me to move back to the state that they live in every chance that he gets. My Mother is *still* ok with me being gone. LOL.

Going to college was hard on me when I first left - as in the first 30 minutes after they dropped me off and drove away. After that, I found some friends and started enjoying being able to do whatever I wanted to do, go grocery shopping for myself, etc. I am the oldest child so I was always pretty self-sufficient so this may have a bearing on how each person experiences being away from home.

I would say to just make the best decision for *yourself* and *your life*. That may be to be near your family, that may be to be further from your family. I often think that if I lived nearer my family, I would be more caught up in alot of the family drama (esp. now that extended family lives nearby). The only reason that I am even now considering moving back is to share more closely in the life of my 6 year old niece. I go back every couple of months but I long to be a greater part of her life. But again, you must ask yourself, what do *you* want to do with *your* life. At some point, we all must start living for ourselves and not everyone else. Not to say neglect your family but to consider yourself in the equation at a level that is equal to or greater than the weight that you give to what *everyone else* wants you to do. At the end of the day *you* are the person that has to be able to sleep with your decision. So good luck!

SC

Thank you for your responses.

SummerChild,

I remember the first time my parents dropped me off at school. I wanted to go to the hotel with them and they made me stay. In the beginning I was a little nervous, but I adjusted. Now I actually like it because I feel like I’ve grown and become more independent. :D
With me wanting to leave again, I think that they feel that I’m running away from them. But I’m not; I’m running towards my purpose and dreams. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about what I could be doing and it’s depressing when I think about what I’m doing instead. I don’t feel productive because I’m not even working in my desired field. I have to do something about that.

Eduakator,

You know what is so ironic? LOL! When I’m at school, it seems like we all get along better. I remember looking forward to every form of communication. I don’t think my dad cares one way or another. My weakness is my mom because she’s my heart. I don’t mean to hurt her, because it’s nothing personal. Being the first generation college student may be another reason they feel like it was a slap in the face. Because the first opportunity I have to move out, I move to the other side of the country! LOL, but ultimately, I think that my decision will be better for my career and for my educational goals. After I graduated, my mom set new educational and career goals for herself. She said I inspired her! :D I think once I actually move, everything will be okay. But as long as I’m here, they’ll be in denial.

i went to undergrad away from home and my parents encouraged it. However, after graduation i returned home and lived with my parents during my "between time" and most of graduate school. I moved out (like 15 minutes away) and they acted like the world was going to end.

I was so confused! I thought they wanted me to be out on my own, but then when it happened they laid a guilt trip on me. They LOVED it when i went away at 18, but when i was "officially grown" i guess it hit harder because they realized i would not be coming back to live with them (Lord Willing). It has taken us a couple of years to adjust into a healthy pattern. My mom used to call me all hours of the day and night for me to come over the house, then cry when i left. Mind you, i live FIFTEEN minutes away. Nowadays, we are cool. I just make sure that I talk to my parents a couple of times a week, and i try to go to the same service with them at church. I'll take my mom to the movies every once in a while or watch a game with my dad.

I guess they had delayed reaction empty nest syndrome.

I am going to be 41 and if my mother had it her way I would still be living with her.

I will just piggyback on what everyone else has said you have to follow your heart and your dreams. Don't worry about your parents they will definitely learn how to cope with you out in the world doing your thing.

I'm almost 35 and I have to co-sign on this statement. My mom is looking for jobs for me so I can move back home with her. We're not even in two different states, I'm in Charlotte, NC and she's in the Raleigh-Durham, NC area, only two hours apart.

I've asked her a few times what she would do if I were to move to another state, no answer yet, but I'm sure she'd be alright.

Kamryn good for you. It takes some people many years to begin to live for themselves and not for their parents or others. Like I said, at the end of the day, you are the person who has to be able to sleep with your progress in life or not. To where are you thinking of moving? Someplace fun? :)

SC

Still BLUTANG,

LOL, my parents encouraged me to go out of state, but that was only after I booked my plane ticket. I guess they realized that I wasn’t going to change my mind. I’m exiting the “between time” right now. They thought that it would be wise for me to stay at home and save more $$ before I move out on my own. That way they wouldn’t have to worry about me being broke and far away from them. I agreed, but now it’s time for me to go. I can’t even study for the GRE at home. I have more responsibilities at home than I do when I’m on my own because I help take care of my family. At first I was confused too, because they wanted me to be at home, but on my own. :confused: I just didn’t realize that by on my own, they meant next door to them or a block away! LOL! You know what’s the kick? My sister keeps talking about “when” she goes to an out-of-state college…LOL! She’s already made up her mind that she’s going to an HBCU, and there are none on the west coast.

Dzdst796,

That’s comforting to know. My mom may be the same way. My mom kept asking me where I’ll be settling down after grad school because she wants to move there and settle down. But I don’t know where I'd settle, I’m not ready to settle down. I'm far from it! LOL! But thank you, I definitely will follow my heart. This minor delay is enough anxiety for me to handle. I’m reading “The Purpose Driven Life,” and realizing that I have a purpose beyond my imagination. I have to start living like it!

1browngirl,

Okay, this is where it gets interesting. I have two sets of parents, Mom, Dad, Step-mom, and Step-dad. Dad is still trying to find other jobs for me! It’s not fair when it’s 4 to 1!

SummerChild,

You’re right, everyone is absolutely correct. Because at the end of the day, the truth is, I can’t sleep, because I’m up thinking about what I’d rather be doing. Then I can’t wake up because I couldn’t sleep. Then I’m not productive throughout the day. I have a strong interest in politics, advocacy, and government affairs. So I’m going to the best place for it! DC! :D

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate it.

Chocolate city is alot of fun. Good for you. Have fun!
SC