WTF she joined my sorority?!
 

Okay, so I was wondering.. has anyone ever had someone you LOATHE join your org (either at your school or another)? How did you deal with it?

My ex and I dated for 4 years, until he cheated on me with this girl who is now a freshman in college. She is pretty much the reason we don't really talk anymore -- she won't let him call me, he denies my comments on myspace because "she might see them", etc. Basically she is a psycho.

Anyway, he just joined Sigma Nu, and one of her best friends joined ADPi. I am really worried that she'll rush too.

Is it irrational or mean of me to freak out with the thought that she might rush ADPi? She goes to a different school than I do.

Seriously I don't think I could handle it.

Thankfully I've never had that feeling within my own chapter.

A few years later, however, I had to bang my head on a wall...and wonder "WTF was that chapter thinking?"

And that's all I shall say.

If she did rush.. would it be really dirty/wrong of me to write the chapter a letter about her?

I mean, it's not ONLY a personal vendetta, but she uses drugs and drinks quite heavily.

Oh, and part of me thinks she would join ADPi partially to piss me off.

You could ignore it. I mean, she hasn't said she definitely plans to rush, so there's no reason to worry.

However....if she does rush, I think I would make a phone call to the chapter rather that write a letter. You tell them what you know about the girl (as far as her moral reputation) and then leave it alone. If she makes it, that's between her and the chapter and you will have done your part to make them aware.

But here's a warning....you will seem like the bitter ex even if you pursue this just a little bit. If you can live with that, have at it.

it would not be out of line to let the chapter know that this young woman would be a risk management risk, should she decide to go thru recruitment. i would try to keep any personal animosity out of the letter. i think it might come off as "she stole my boyfriend, blah, blah, blah" otherwise and might not hold as much weight.

if you know other adpi's who know this girl and could verify the risk management problems, i would ask them to write a "no rec." also.

I think that writing a letter about a personal grudge might only make you look petty to the chapter sisters, but an informative letter about her undesirable habits could get your point across just fine.

As long as you are 100% SURE about her drink/drug habits. If you heard this through a friend of a friend of a friend...that's not so reliable. It's a pretty big accusation to make, even if it is *just* sorority recruitment. Keep in mind that people read/see those letters, so word will spread around the campus she lives on. If untrue, you can land in a world of crap.

And I agree with those who said mention the undesireable traits, but leave boyfriend out of it.

During recruitment one of my sisters recognized a PNM from her dorm the year before. They had had a couple of run-ins and really didn't get along. However the PNM developed a "rush crush" with one of the senior officers who was really pressing for her to get a bid. Anyway, my sister bit her tongue and just tried to wait and see. Anyway the PNM DID get a bid and ended up being an AWESOME addition. The PNM/new sister ended up seeking out my sister and apologized for her past behavior.

However since this involves an ex, if the new gf does go through recruitment, couldn't you just fill out a recomendation form and from what I have seen, most have a space for "would you recommend this person for membership"- you could say "No". Simply state the facts, try and keep emotions out of it. Since she is at a different school, you have to trust that you sisters at that school will do what is best for the sisterhood.

If you have concrete reasons that she is not ADPi material then yes you whould write a letter to the chapter. I would.

There's some GCers that fall in that category. And I'm going to leave it at that.

I had a girl who I knew in grammar and high school (I was not her biggest fan) get made at, of all places, our sorority's Alpha Chapter (Howard University).

My line sister's now ex-husband's then ex-girlfriend (confused? :D) submitted her letter about a year after we crossed. She did not get beyond the interview stage.

Oh, I know for sure. I've seen it with my own eyes.

I mean, she probably doesn't drink any more than some other college students, but she also smokes marijuana.

I also heard that the night she met my boyfriend, she had originally told his younger brother that he was "hot" and she "wanted to $&@! him". She went on to tell another friend the same thing, and then finally moved onto my boyfriend.

I'm not really a jealous ex about this, though. I'm glad our relationship is over -- it wasn't right for me. I'm just mad that this girl has ruined any chance of me having a friendship with him again.

If you do send a letter or make a phone call, I think it would be better to go through the membership advisor. If she sees things progressing too far, she can inform the membership chairman of the situation. There is no point in airing this girl's dirty laundry to people she may not want to be friends with.

If it were a matter of just not liking her, there would be no harm in her joining ADPi at another chapter. However, if she is a risk in the ways you mentioned, you have every reason to be protective of your sorority. P.S., is there any way you can let the Kappas know, too?!? :D

It would probably be better if you were as honest as possible about your anger over your (ex)boyfriend issue with this girl. Drinking and smoking weed are things that many college students do, including women in sororities(although there were no ADPis on my campus, I bet there are sisters in your org across the nation who do those things). You might seem like a snitch instead of someone who feels rightfully scorned. Just say that she would be a detriment to the quality of sisterhood in your organization. If she is too promiscuous, say that you don't want your sisters to catch an STD or something. It's harsh... but I feel you. If a potential aspirant of my fraternity did something like that to me, ruining my personal life like that, I'd make sure that either he never wants in, or that the entire campus knows I can't stand him. And you know how strongly I feel about keeping intra-fraternity beef behind closed doors.

Honestly, she sounds like a skank, but I don't see how you can report this without seeming like the bitter ex. It'd be one thing if she had four DUIs (and, I suppose, MIPs to go with them) or a coke habit, but someone who drinks as much as the average college student and smokes pot? And makes poor relationship choices? Isn't enough, in my mind, to raise a red flag over.

The real crazy skank party girls make themselves known pretty readily without alums "reporting" them.