did i pick the right bid?
 

hi! i'm new to this, so i'm not really sure how it works, but basically i've been going through a dilemma for the past few weeks..

i pledged at the beginning of the semester and had a pretty good experience with rush. i didn't get a few of the houses i wanted, but at the end i was left with two really great houses. i felt pretty comfortable with both, but they had very different reputations.

now that i've been in my house for a few weeks, i'm starting to have doubts about the house i picked and was wondering whether to depledge and rush again or stick with it for four years.

i was just hoping to get some insight (more through e-mail or private messages) so i could come to a decision. thanks so much!

Your sorority is not (or should not be) for FOUR years. Your sorority is for LIFE. Don't just consider what your collegiate chapter is like...explore what life after college has to offer for your sorority.

We all, for the most part have/had doubts about which house we picked. Is it just doubts, or can you truely not see yourself as a part of this house? If it's just a matter of "I'm having fun with ABC, but I see now that I could have had MORE fun with XYZ"...well, I would say you're having "The grass is greener" syndrome, and leave well enough alone. If you're miserable, then yes...do yourself and the chapter a favor and get out.

Funny you should bring this up... at my alumnae chapter's book club, some of the women were talking about that very thing. It seems all had that feeling.... but it passes. Most people wonder what could have been?

It's a very normal feeling, even if you got your top choice, first choice, etc., to question your decision and your bid. This can happen on and off during the new member period, immediately following initiation, and especially during the first year as a sister on "the other side" once you've been through a formal recruitment as an initiated member. And then of course, there are other pressures in life like school, family, internships, etc., that tend to make you question your committment to the organization.

Each year, chapters bring in new members, elect new officers and change their group dynamic with these new people and new ideas. There can be conflicting opinions or some internal drama, even among the perceived top chapters, that makes people question their membership.

You'll experience these same feelings out in the workforce, and I'm sure even time to time as a child you questioned if you were even in the right family because of some stress or craziness.

The best way to combat this issue is to come around and make friends within your organization and to take on a small leadership role-- this will get you involved and feeling like you're getting your time and money's worth. However, there's a such thing as too much of a good thing. Definitely invest time in an outside activity that has nothing to do with Greek life so you have an escape from the Sorority World when you need it-- a campus club, athletics or volunteer project are some good outlets.

If your feelings persist, you're not enjoying your membership and you've made a concerted effort to come around, make friends and get involved on a committee or a project that supports your chapter, maybe you really aren't cut out for this kind of group dynamic-- that's when it is time to consider cancelling your membership. But I wouldn't suggest that at this stage unless you're just desperately unhappy and dislike absolutely everything about the sorority experience. Good luck, hang in there and show your face at more than just the chapter meetings! Remember that school comes first, have a non-Greek social outlet to keep you balanced and volunteer for a project with some sisters.

Another option to consider:

You're not eligible to re-rush for 1 year anyway, so you can wait it out. Keep pledging this semester, and if at the time of initation, you don't feel you're ready, you can ask to continue your new member period into the next semester. If by spring semester, you're still having serious doubts, you can still drop and rush in the fall. It's not the best of situation, but it's definetly better then initating when you're not ready, and then becoming "that girl" that brings the chapter down, or just dissappears into the woodwork.

I agree, and if you are having doubts, DO NOT GET INITIATED. If you are looking at other groups and wishing that you were somewhere else, DO NOT GET INITIATED. Once you are initiated into an NPC group, that is it. No 2nd chances. So, don't get pressured into anything. That is all.

That being said, if you drop and then rush again in the fall, (with the caveat that I don't know how competitive your school is), you might have a difficult time securing a bid from a different house. You may be viewed as (sorry...), "damaged goods" for going with another house and then dropping them. It's not my intention to be harsh, but I just wanted to offer the non-sunshine blowing viewpoint.

I hope you have a happy ending, because my "story" is very similar to yours.

I definitely agree. I went through it, and I know of many other women who have as well. In my case, I started having the "what if's" during my first year as an active--the size of my chapter was growing by leaps and bounds, which was a difficult adjustment because it had been pretty small when I pledged only a year earlier. It's also understandable to have these feelings while you're pledging, because you've just finished rush and that's a lot to take in over just a few days. I think the other advice you've gotten is right on--try and stick it out, then if you're still unsure when it's time to initiate, you can opt not to. You always have that choice.

Question, if she were to drop in the spring, how the heck could she rush in the fall? That's not a year. So we aren't doing a total mini-hijack, could someone please pm me the answer. I'm a little confused.



As for the situation at hand, I've felt the exact same way. That's life, you always wonder about the "road not taken". I definately felt the way you are when things were pretty down in my life and I had some negative feelings regarding ADPi. Eventually my life got better and the negative feelings disappeared.

I can guarantee that you aren't going like everything about your sorority. Your going to see things, hear things that you're thinking "why are we doing this? What is going on?". A sorority membership is for life. It's just not for your four years of college. If there is something you don't like, that you know can be changed (ie. ritual cannot), stay involved, run for office. When you graduate join the alum association. Like someone pointed out already, new members join, new officers are elected so things change.

I would recommend talking to a sister you trust (and who you know will keep what you say to herself). Express your concerns and your fears. I'm sure she probably felt the same way. I would also recommend sticking it out. But with that being said, if you still feel uncomfortable when initiation rolls around, DO NOT INITIATE! Because, again, once you are an initiated member of an NPC that's it. No return to go, no collecting of $200 (my monopoly reference :D).

depledge.

As I understand it, it is a yar from the date you accept your bid, not a year from when you depledge.

Are you male or female?

That has a lot to do with how we would advise you.