Do we as Black woman pull each other up or down?
 

I am curious to know what do folks think about the state and condition of relationships amongst Black women. Meaning in these days and times, do you think that we are more likely to pull each other up or step on each others toes? What are some reasons for the hatred of self and each other? My responses are forthcoming. Thanks!

I was thinking about this the other day and I have some thoughts. I think that this is one of the reasons that I decided that I wanted to join a sorority. I thought maybe inside of this kind of structure the women wouldn't hate on each other as much and there would be more of a sense of real friendship and commitment. I do feel that more black women step on toes than pull their "sista" up. I've had many problems making friends because of this. Maybe it is self-hatred, or selfishness, or maybe it's just jealousy, which I think is more often the case. However, I am not one of those women that thinks everyone is jealous of her, but those are the vibes that I get from a lot of women. These vibes are not in the workplace and environments like that but rather in school and in everyday passing.

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*selah*

[This message has been edited by RaHel (edited April 01, 2001).]

I'm wondering, though, if this is a black woman thang, or a woman thang? Historically, woman in general, of all races, are a bit...catty to each other. That may be nature & biological (women competing to get the best male provider for their potential family) in addition to nurture. Men criticize women when we chop each other up yet sometimes, these same men encourage and relish in seeing women argue and fight over them. And especially with the number of "eligible" black men being significantly outnumbered by "eligible" black women, it gets even more disturbing.

Really, the key is that you can't develop a bitterness when YOU speak to a women who may not understand WHY she's being catty. I, like RaHel, look at most women inherently as nice folks unless she does something to clearly indicate she's on another agenda. That happens so often, though, that sometimes I just want to stop being friendly. I have to fight that inclination, though, or I'll be just like her--bitter at someone she doesn't know, for no reason.

I may not be able to change everyone's experiences, and I realize that I can't be friends with all women--some are just too hurt, too angry, or too crazy. I do, however, support to a fault, those women who are in my life as friends, and I try to encourage new friendships with women (if I've added a couple of new women friends in a year, I'm doing good, I think http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif). And yes, as a Zeta, I have been able to be closer to many of these women (as my Sorors) because we met first as Sorors, not as women at a club, bar, or campus dance competing for the cutest guy, or the best job.



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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920

Sadly,I think we cut each other down more than we try to build each other up. This extends across race, socioeconomic status, and so on. Black women can be especially bad, simply because we have it in our heads that we are competitors(a possible throwback to slavery, when a lot of the familial traditions from Africa were effectively destroyed). Most black women I meet are nice, (whether it be real or genuine) but because of past experience, I do not bond with women quickly or easily. Joining a sorority was helpful in meeting different types of women, and my closest friend is a soror. Hopefully, one day all Black women will realize that we are our sister's keeper, and act accordingly.

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The Women of Zeta Phi Beta...Simply Irresistible!!!!!!!!!!!

As far as my personal experiences go, I am blessed to say that in my circle of sorors/sisterfriends greek and non greek...my girls have always had my back and have done nothing but encourage me. We are all making strides together. For the most part though prior to college aside from my best friend who I've known since I was 2 years old, I really did not keep female friends. I grew up one of two girls on my block and I have had nasty confrontations with women. In junior high school and high school, some girls hated me because they thought that I THOUGHT I was too good for them. The girls that liked me WERE stuck up so I guess that was no treat. In college, I went to an all women's college by the way, I made enemies over petty things, someone's man trying to talk to me, someone just following the crowd, "you don't like her, so I won't either"....people had "beef" with me because I wouldn't kiss butt. As a freshman I came in, did my own thing, formed my own crowd, mingled with everyone. I wouldn't choose sides, I wouldn't allow the upperclassman to mold me and tell me what to do. I didn't give in to peer pressure. I didn't pledge the sorority that everyone else did, just because it was the thing to do. Now that I am out of college since 96 and I am out in the business world. I still find women, (Mostly Black) to be nasty towards me. It always feels like we are in some sort of competition, or that people have problems with you, if you love yourself or are confident in your abilities. I am happy to say that I do have balance. I have healthy relationships with enough women to realize that there are those of us who will pull each other up. Those of us who are stepping on each other's toes, it's definitely due to a lack of self love. We hate on each other for everything from men, looks, skin color, and body size, not to mention status.

Definitely pull each other down. It's a shame too. We diss each other for the silliest, most petty things too. Looks, men, $$$...whatever. It's like if we see someone with something that we perceive as better so we have to find something else that we can nit pick on. It's not just a black woman thing either, ALL women do it. It's a self esteem thing!

ZetaAce

I think most of us try to help other sisters along. However, the other significant percentage of sisters try to tear ambitious, want to be about something sisters down because they have low self-esteem, are selfish, and don't know how to love themselves or encourage other people. We all have our personal internal issues, but that shouldn't stop us from trying to solve those things so we can be the best we can be and help others do better also.

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Sweet Deliverance's PHI-losophy:
"What you do or do not do today determines what you can or cannot do tomorrow."

I think it's incredibly dangerous to try to group black women into generalized categories. It's impossible to answer questions like "Are Black women like 'A'" or "Do Black women do 'B'?" because there are as many different answers to this question as there are sisters on the planet.

Personally, I treat sisters the same way as I treat anyone I don't know. I'm guardedly optimistic when I meet anyone new. If I see that the person is friendly and open, then I'm friendly and open. If I see that the person has an agenda, I go along my merry way.

Just my $19.20! :)

Good Topic

Sad but true we pull each other down and it all stems from jealously and intimidation. The workplace is very cut throat and instead of sticking up for a sista some of us tend to stab a sista in the back. When I was an intern at a local television station, I was treated like dirt by a sista.. She was extremely rude to me and always pretended to forget my name and I know that was a bunch of crap because she was a journalist...I got more help and respect from the non-black journalists. She would always ask me where did I plan on working after graduation.. That's why will go my limit to help a brotha or a sista out because I know what it feels like to be treated like crap and plus I wasn't raised that way...

This is a really good question and I believe that the answer is a yes and no! Some African American women are cold hearted and will do anything, I mean anything to get to the top; however, other sistas keep it real and will give you the shirt off their backs. Just like most of us have sorors or that special sister-friend that has your back in any situation there are strong black women out there that are true and dependable. I have a lot of friends from different walks of life that have been there for me in the past several weeks as I struggled to complete my master's thesis! It really depends on how we were raised! That's just my 22 cents!

Serioussigma22:cool: