Caught In the Middle
 

I just found out last night that my favorite aunt has advanced ovarian cancer and will be having surgery on Wed.:( :(

My dad is wanting to go up to Illinois to be with her, because she is his sister, but my mom is wanting to go too. Now, to say my aunt and my mom are like fire & ice is the understatement of the year, and in fact, when I spoke with my aunt, her exact words were "If you mom comes, I'll kill her". My mother is extremely high strung, and my aunt is completely grounded and blunt. I tired to tell my dad not to bring my mom with, but he got indignant with me and said "Well then, if she doesn't go, I don't go". I called my uncle and asked him to try and talk some sense into him, because he might hear it better from his brother then his daughter.

I feel bad for having to tell my dad that my aunt would not appreciate my mother there for her surgery, but at the same time, I know that it had to be said, because my mom will proabably literally cause my aunt to get worked up and agitated and make her situation 100 times worse.

What better way can I put it to my dad that mom's just not welcome??

Thats really deep.... I guess my advice to you would be... If you couldnt call someone in the family on your mother's side or someone she is really close with to have her go see them or distract her in some way, i would say let her go but have someone drive her that would "get lost" or have alot of errands to run.
Usually i feel that the best way is the direct way but that is an EXTREMELY touchy subject.

It sounds like you've done as much as you can. Let your parents and aunt/uncle handle it. I'll pray for your aunt.