Advice on getting some stuff back...please!
 

A little over a year ago, I let one of my friends borrow several of my formal dresses because she was going to a fraternity dance. Normally I don't loan things like that out to anyone, but she was nice enough to let me stay with her for a few weeks while I was between apartments so I figured I'd make an exception. Big mistake! Several months after that we sort of fell out of touch for reasons I won't go into, and she would seldom answer her phone when I called. Over the summer I realized that I really needed to get my dresses, plus some other stuff of mine that she had, back from her so I tried calling again several times. Nothing.

Well, this has been going on long enough anyway, but I just found out that I might be attending an event which will require a formal dress so I need to get them back! Trouble is, I found out through the grapevine that she moved back to her parents' house (about 2 hours away), so I can't just go knocking on her door. I called her again today and left her a message telling her that I want my things and that she needs to call me, but what do I do if she won't? I can't let her keep over $800 worth of dresses that my sister and I will probably have use for, plus it's really ticking me off. I'm getting to the point where I'm almost ready to start calling her and bugging the crap out of her every single day until she responds. :p

Look up her parents' phone number and let them know that if your belongings aren't expressed mailed to you, a lawyer will be brought into the picture.

That's what I would do. Call her parents and ask to speak to one of them and make sure that they give the message to her. Usually people are much quicker to do things if parents are involved. She may be avoiding your calls because something may have happened to the dresses like she ruined them, lost them, etc. If that's the case, make sure her parents know how much they cost and that you're expecting to be compensated for them.

That's a good idea. Tracking down her parents' number may be a bit of a problem, though, because I've tried to look them up on Anywho using their last name ('cause I can't remember their first names) and nothing came up. I'm not exactly sure of the actual town they live in...I know what area it is because it's near a larger city, but there's a million little towns very close by and I don't know which one it is!

Do you two have any mutual friends? If so, maybe that person might know the parents' number or at least the hometown. And since she's not answering your calls, maybe she might answer if it was the mutual friend calling.

All I can is try looking at other search engines and white pages or do as SOPI_Jawbreaker said and see if anyone else knows their number. If you can at least find their address, send a certified letter with a return receipt to their house. This way, if they never respond, you have the receipt as proof that they got it, and if you want to take her to small claims court, you can, and use the receipt as evidence.

If she is an adult don't bring her parents into it. This is between the two of you, and it may actually make things worse. You've made a few phonecalls, and she hasn't responded, but don't harass her. I assume it is a cellphone number, so at least you have that to track her down with. Send her a certified letter asking for the items to be returned. Depending on when she moved you may be able to have the letter forwarded if she filled out mail forwarding through the post office. That usually is guaranteed for up to six months after moving. If you get return receipt you have proof that it was received, and you may even be able to find out her current address. Make sure you list the items in detail, and give her a date to return the items, or to make arrangements to return them. If she doesn't take any action, check your local laws (usually the county where it happened), and file small claims against her. Hopefully you have receipts and/or pictures of you with the items, as you can use that as evidence.

I just filed in small claims yesterday against my former roommate, so I have personal experience in this area (plus my job is in a law library so I help people research this often). We sent a certified letter and did make attempts to get our items back and receive payments for past due bills before we filed. A paper trail is your friend. However be prepared to not see your things again, and that for the amount of $800 you are likely headed to small claims, and lawyers aren't allowed there . It'd probably cost more for a lawyer than for your things.

PM with some details if you want me to do research for your area and point you to some resources.

Thanks to all who have responded...you have some good suggestions. If I could just get an address, I wouldn't mind driving the couple of hours to go in person and ask for my things back, so I think I will try calling a couple of mutual friends to see if they can give me any information. I just really, really want my stuff...I don't want monetary compensation, because I have an immediate need for those dresses and a couple of them actually came from consignment shops so they're vintage and irreplaceable. I can't believe she didn't even try to contact me before she moved to return them--she had my phone number, because I ran into her at a pub sometime in the summer and I gave it to her because she said she lost her old phone so she didn't have my number anymore. *sigh* :(

Hon, I have one word for you.

Jujitsu.

Set her up with an elbow to the nose and/or a nice stomping kick to the inside of the knee and then throw her with seoi nage or o soto gari. Trust me, when you drive her into the ground head first, she'll think twice about keeping your stuff.

What's something she really, really likes? A date with some hot guy? Tickets to a concert or sporting event? Call her up or have someone else call her and say YO DUDE, we got some [thing she really likes] for you, FREE. Meet us at the bike racks at 3:00 and you can have them!

They do this all the time in New York to scofflaws with promises of Yankees or Knicks tickets. It's amazing how many people fall for it.


AchtungBaby80, I hope that you are able to retrieve your gowns. I would try to contact her and her parents through mutual friends as well as through certified mail. I'm afraid that something might have happened to your dresses which could explain why she has not returned your phone calls. You might wind up in small claims court or on Judge Judy. I hope I'm wrong.

OK, guys, here's what I've decided to do. I know a guy who may be able to tell me where her parents live, or if he doesn't know, he can find out because he's friends with her ex-boyfriend. I'm going to call him today and see what he says. Then, I'm going to try phoning her one more time, and then (since I'm sure she won't answer) follow up with a letter sent certified mail asking for my dresses back plus some other stuff of mine like books, pictures, etc. that she has that she never returned. As I said earlier, I really would prefer not to take her to court or anything--I just want my dresses, dammit. But don't think I wouldn't consider it if she keeps on trying to avoid me, especially if something did happen to the dresses. If that's the case, and it has crossed my mind, I would've been a lot more likely to forgive if she had just called me up and said, "You know, I'm really sorry about this, but..." and explained what happened. But she didn't, so...there you go.

Anyway, what exactly should I put in this letter? I'll let you know what happens.

If you can't get the phone number from the guy, then try the phone company's website... sometimes they have information that Anywho doesn't.

Sometimes you have to chalk things up to a loss. Losing that stuff is the cost of getting this chick out of your life. figure our how many more hours you want to spend on this. Then, move on. Get a new dress.

Hate to say it, but you might not be able to get your things back. I accidentally left my favorite sweater at a friend's house a few years ago and contacted her several times about getting it back. I even sent her a check for the cost of shipping it to me (she lived 3 hours away). Never got the sweater. Never heard from her again. I guess she liked my sweater more than my friendship.

Good luck! I hope your story has a happier ending than mine. :)