Help!
 

Hi guys, I'm in a bit of a jam and I hope you guys can guide me in the right direction. This is going to be long. Here's my story:

I started college at a large state university (state) in the fall of 2003. I went through recruitment and was initiated into a national sorority (lets call it XYZ). I loved my school, loved my pledge class, and absolutely adored everything about my sorority. Unfortunately, in the spring of 2004, due to extenuating circumstances, I had to transfer to a smaller school without as large a greek system as the college I had previously attended, in order to be closer to home. There was no chapter of XYZ at my new school, and that was fine. I had way too much going on in my personal life to even think about getting involved in something as time consuming as a sorority. Aside from that, I was well aware of the NPC rule that states you can't be initiated into more than one group, and I really didn't want to anyway. I missed XYZ and desperately wanted to return to state U.

Unfortunately, as the semester went by I realized that it would be impossible to return to state. I still kept in touch with the sisters of XYZ through im/phone, but it wasn't the same as having a physical sisterhood. I checked out the alumnae group of my sorority, but everyone was a college graduate and I was not. I wasn't even 21 at the time so I couldn't go to happy hour or really relate to the sisters who were closest to my age (they had careers, were getting married, etc). Anywho, I started hanging out with some girls at my new school who were members of local sorority (lets call them ABC) with a rich history and all was well. They bidded me and I accepted. They had no problem with the fact that I was a member of a national and I was thrilled that I would finally have a sisterhood like I had state. Albeit, the sorority wasn't as large as the one at state, but that didn't matter. I had a wonderful time becoming a sister of ABC and I became a really active member in the sorority. I was elected onto the executive board as soon as I was eligible.

Flashforward to Spring 2005, it was about a year after I had been initiated into ABC when the chapter decided that IT wanted to go national after so many years of being a local. I was shocked and disappointed. I had a 1/26 shot of being able to go through initiation and ritual with the rest of my sisters in ABC. Knowing that I was a sister of XYZ and that the only way I'd be able to participate was if we became XYZ, the president of ABC contacted XYZ headquarters and told them that they were interested in becoming a colony. I also wrote a letter to XYZ talking the chapter up and saying how I could be of assistance because I am an initiated sister of XYZ. Unfortunately, XYZ was not interested in colonizing at my school due to our chapter's smaller size. I was crushed.

ABC continued to look for a national and eventually three came to present for us. They chose DEF. In the fall they will be going through the pledging/new member process and I won't be a part of it. Unless... the girls said they "wouldn't tell" anyone that I was an intiated member of XYZ and that if I wanted, I could go through the process with them. I don't know what to do. I loved my short time spent at XYZ and I don't want to renounce my membership, but at the same time I feel closer to my sisters in ABC than I do with the sisters of XYZ (probably because my active membership of XYZ was short-lived) and I just don't know what to do. When ABC goes national I (probably) won't be able to go to formal chapter(depending on how it's set up, at XYZ I wasn't allowed to attend formal chapter until after I was initiated), ritual, and be privy to something that they'll all share. They said that I can still hang out an do all activities with them, but I know it won't be the same. Do you guys have any advice?

I know what the right thing to do is, but my heart is telling me something else. Ahhhhhh.

Hello and welcome!

Sometimes it's easier on a person when there's no choice to make, isn't it? Especially when it's a choice between what you WANT to do and what you SHOULD do. I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation.

Instead of giving you the stock answer, "don't do it!", I'm going to tell you that this is something you need to decide on your own. The only thing I can add is that I've never known a secret known to an entire chapter of sorority women to stay a secret for long.

Best of luck in your situation :)

I agree with KillarneyRose. I don't think that kind of secret would remain secret for long. You know what the right thing to do is.
Besides, why should you renounce your friendships with these women even if they belong to another sorority?

so ur abc sisters know that u were once in xyz?

I mean if the organization is a npc org no matter what you will get found out wont you? so do you really have an option?

sounds like your not going to be apart of the chartering process which i kno sucks but i dont think you can really do anything about it.

Its against rules to be a member of another npc org if you have already been in one. so yea...u dont really have any options.

you could contact npc or somethin but i doubt that would make a difference

Isn't there a way that she would be grandfathered in to both of them due to the circumstances?

Absolutely not. She IS a member of the first one. She can nvever be a member of a second NPC. If she initiates into a second NPC, and is found out (and you will be found out eventually) she will lose her membership in BOTH forever. That is the rule. I do not think the sisters of the first group would be very understanding of her joining a second even if the second is OK with it all. It is better to not risk being kicked out of both. That would be devastating.

Ditto what KillarneyRose said. It's so easy to say "don't do it', but only you can make the decision that is right for you. I can't imagine how difficult a position you must be in, so I'll just say good luck.

I think AST has a clause, and I'm not sure if other groups do, where you have have an 'honorary' sister. This would be a woman who first attendend College X, rushed and initiated into XYZ. She then decides to transfer to College Y where there is no chapter of her national. The AST chapter can invite her to attend chapter and all non-ritual sorority events. I think she would pay local dues, the only thing is that she does not get to vote or get to be at ritual. I would liken it to social membership. I only have a rough understanding of how it works, but it may be worth seeing if this is an option for you. I'm not sure how common it is.

I know you feel like with the new sorority you won't share the same things as your sisters, but remember that you still have the local experience. You don't need to give up your friends just because they couldn't go XYZ.

Good Luck. I hope this helps. Feel free to pm me if you have questions.

I don't want to get your hopes up because I have no idea how this works or if it is an option for other sororities.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this one, but I don't care.

If ritual had as much weight as you are investing it with, wouldn't you automatically feel closer to the other sisters of XYZ you've met instead of becoming so close to ABC?

Those are always going to be your sisters no matter if you are in different national sororities because you created that bond in ABC. There are lots of different ways to be sisters.

What do the values and ritual of XYZ and ABC guide you to do?

If you don't go through the chartering process with them, you can still guide them and participate in certain activities with them while showing true panhellenic spirit and being a great example for other women.

Live that ritual...you will know what the right decision is.

PsychTau

there you go! i think every group has honorary status just most dont use it to often.

No.

zta does not have honorary sisters

no what?

[edit] ohhhh i see what u mean [/edit]

Even when we want someone to join us who is older and established and deemed "sister material" (for example, actress Florence Henderson), that person goes through the Initiation Ritual just like the rest of us. There are no "honorary" Delta Zetas.