Evaluations
 

Some emails are just too good NOT to share:

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a signpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

28. "One neuron short of a synapse."

29. "Some drank from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes."

31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

I think I've interviewed most of those people. And supervised some of them.

I liked #17. I've had to write these at times, and I want to make sure that I have some original ways of saying that someone is a menace to society in general, and intellect as a whole!

I've used a variation of #24 (not written, but in conversation), to wit: "If his IQ were three points lower, he'd be a plant."

One of my current favorites is, "He/she's dumber than a box of rocks."

Funny stuff! Just sent it to my friends who work for the Feds.

Re: Evaluations
 

These are great, and definetely remind me of a few people that I work with. This one is my favorite. I saw this email years ago.

Re: Evaluations
 

My favorite is

I wanna use it! But, I don't want to be mean.

My favorite:

#8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

#27. Its hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

AHHHAHAHHAHAHA!!! tooo funny.

Heck, I think I'm probably related to most of 'em.