Case of the Ex
 

Alright, this is my situation. Ever since a couple weeks ago, when my ex saw me at church, he's been blowing up my cell phone NONSTOP. This bothers me for 2 reasons: 1) I never gave him that number he got my best friend to give it to him and he's still using it even though she told him I got mad at her for giving out my number without my permission. 2) Although, we've maintained a distant e-mail friendship, we really aren't tight like that anymore. What we had was really special (we were friends first) but in my eyes, it's over now. I know he's lonely b/c he doesn't have that many friends, and since his grandmother died he's been going through a hard time. I don't want to be completely heartless, but our personalities just don't click together anymore and I get really annoyed to see him on my caller id so often. We broke up because he attached himself to me like a parasite (think "Bug-a-Boo" by Destiny's Child, that's how bad it got) and he's starting to do that again. I want to be there for him, but I know him--if you reach out just a little, he will wrap himself around you until you suffocate. How can I ease him off my back without coming off as cold?

You really can't. Change your number.

Tell him your sexy new boyfriend is getting upset that your ex is calling you so frequently. This is for his protection -- if he doesn't stop calling, he might get his butt whooped!

You need to cut ties altogether. No calls, no emails, nothing. I knew a guy like this once. We dated for like a second but I didn't like him the way he liked me and he turned into a psycho-stalker. My calling and emailing him on occasion because I felt bad for him only made him pursue me more.

Christiangirl, next time you're in church tell him you have a pet liger and don't want to have sex with him anymore.

-Rudey

Tell him you're now a lesbian.

LOL, GUYS!!! Come on, you guys are too much, I'm serious! I don't know, I want to just sever ties altogether, but...*deep sigh* it's difficult. When we were together, he was REALLY depressed (wish I'd known that beforehand) and he said a lot to imply that he'd hurt himself if we broke up (What the hell else could, "I refuse to go on living without you" mean?!). It was a lot of drama, talking to the pastor before I broke up with him, to make sure someone could look out for him. Now, with his grandmother gone, he's 10x worse. He can get really scary if I let this go on too long, but I don't know how to break this off without him snapping. Whatever I do, I need to do it fast. I can't lie to him, too many people at church are in my business, somebody would blurt out the truth to him.

NO, you definitly need to sever ties completely. He needs help, and you're not the one who can give it to him. He's obviously in need of a professional. This is not healthy and there is nothing you can do for him and staying with him will only make it worse on you because he knows he can manipulate you.

Do it right now. Change you're cell phone #, delete any emails from him. If you have a land line, don't take any of his calls.

I agree. You can't help him with this one. He needs a professional. Break ups are hard on everyone but he needs the help of someone other than you to get over it. Your own mental health is at stake here.

Remember the movie Fatal Attractions.

And what do I do when I see him every Sunday?

Ignoring works wonders.

Yes, don't even acknowledge him.

Alert your pastor and walk away. Don't return calls or emails. If he threatens you personally, go to the police.

His problems are not your problems, and your continuing to be his crutch does not help him.

Move on. While you may feel you are being cruel, this is the right thing to do -- sometimes you have to push the baby bird out of the nest in order for him to spread his wings and learn to fly.

Co-sign to all 3 above.

Ignore him. Tell your pastor what the problem his. If he sits next to you. Get up and move away. If he tries to talk to you. Ignore him and walk away.

Don't worry about what other people are thinking and what you think you "might" be doing to him. He needs help and if he and the people around him can't see that, that's not your problem.