Bully Bosses
 

I have a woman in my judo class (I teach judo on the side) who is being tormented by her boss. She's been at her corporation a very long time, and doesn't want to leave.

She's been asking my advice, and, having had no experience with that kind of situation, I don't know what to suggest to her. Since there are a lot of professionals here, I thought maybe some of you might have some advice for her.

She works on Wall Street in a corporation that is mostly men. Not quite sure of her job-- has something to do with foreign currency trading. (She's got a pretty powerful position)

Her boss is very overweight (we think he has issues relating to that) and is VERY intelligent-- to the point of setting psychological traps for her. She says she feels like she's always walking on eggshells around him because she never knows what mood he's going to be in.

He micromanages her, and finds fault with everything she does. Unfortunately, he's buddies with the vice president of the company-- which further complicates things. (You know-- the "good 'ole boys network).

Have you ever had a boss that made your life miserable? Short of quitting, what did you do?

The answer is easy.

You shutup and put up with it and that is all there is.

-Rudey

Rudy, if you let someone bully you, you're giving them permission to treat you that way. The problem would only get worse.

I almost agree with Rudey on this one. I had a boss like this, and I did not quit because I needed the money. I just shut up and took it - you've never seen a happier person to get laid off...

Unfortunately in corporate America there are not too many *good* options. She could apply for a job at the same company under different management, if one comes or is available. If he is just being a jerk and not violating company policy or the law then as sad as it is to say he has every right to manage the way he sees fit, and if his management doesn't have a problem with his style then...

Plus, if this type of treatment continues there are phycological (SP) problems that can occur to the recipient.

First, She might want to talk to a lawyer. If there are things that are going on i would document them so that she can have a case for unfair firing (or whatever legal stance she might have) this way she can prove that she has been doing her job but that the working conditions are not conductive to a business like environment. Well, now that i think about this, she needs to do this maybe before she stands up to her boss. I mean, get evidence to support her i am a good worker case.

I have had this happen on many occasion and sometimes i quite sometimes i stood up for myself. I came to the point were i had the position that even though i needed the job i did not need to be in an environment like that. Basically i stood up for myself and said really forcefull to the person something along the lines of:

"hey, i don't need this job, if you want me to stay you DON"T treat me like this. "

I would say this right after someone said something demeaning to me.

"i don't deserve to be treated like this and if you want me to stay to treat me like i deserve to be treated!"

and the turned around and walked off. I have to say that this is really hard to do, especially in an economy like ours. But, this women needs to stand up for herself, for many phycological reasons.

Although I hate to say it--- she should either suck it up and try to ignore it-- or look for another job.

She is working on Wall Street and trades currency???? She is probably one a few woman-- and regardless of being right or wrong, she will be dished a lot of crap for being a woman in a male dominated field.

If she is a woman in a powerful position then she should have a strong resume to aid her if she decided to look for a new firm to work for. It is not an easy decision to make and it is even tougher to go to work each day and face a jackass for a boss. Given the nature of the business I would not go confront the man unless I was willing to pack up and walk out. Many times the confrontation only makes it worse later.

Good luck to her.

I doubt she's trading on FX. There are few females in FX and quite a few people consider it pretty "rough" (my friend says it's boring too) so if she is trading in it then she wouldn't even be allowed to move beyond filling out tickets unless she had tough skin and great skills. If I had to put money on it she's probably at a small shop acting as an assistant to someone on a currency sales and trading desk.

-Rudey

I'm sorry but I learned a long time ago that nothing in life is fair and I'm fine with it. Your friend knew exactly what she was getting herself into.

She always has the option of quitting. It's simple.

-Rudey

Unfortunately, this is the correct answer. I had a boss that made it his mission to make my life and my co-workers' lives miserable. I wanted to tell this man that he sucks but, in a professional environment, you can't and it's best not to burn bridges. I put up with it. It took all of me not to say something to him since I'm usually the type of person who will say something if I feel I'm being disrespected but the fact remains that he was my boss. Until I found another place of employment, I had to be cordial. I didn't get into conversations with him and I kept out of his way. He still managed to make my days at work unbearable. I finally did stick up for myself one day (I wasn't rude about it...just told him that I didn't want to hear him speak that way) but the end result was me getting laid off about 2 weeks before the date I was going to be resigning anyway. I've learned the hard way that when you have a bully boss that you need to just be cordial and keep looking for another place of employment in the meantime.

Cost benefit analysis:

Is she being compensated enough to make it worth it?

If she is she needs to just elarn to take it. Honestly, elephant skin is maybe the single GREATEST skill you can learn in life.

I think our PC society is really messing us up because people are being brought up to believe that people are going to act the way the PC police believe they should. And thats just simply not true.

As far as how to disarm him, be indispensible.

Oh, and if she sees psychological traps in his conversations . . well i would say she is over sensitive and paranoid. He's the boss, he doesn't need to do subtle psychological ploys. He can just hit her over the head with it. Also. Be sure your friend isn't just a little intimdated, thats another thing that will color her reactions.

Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to print them out and show them to her when I see her Friday.

Exactly what she does on Wall Street, I don't know.. I just know it has something to do with foreign currency. She explained it to me once, but it is so "inside" and complicated it took her a good ten minutes to explain :)

Yes, she does have a VERY high powered and high paying position. She's a widow with two kids and an au-paire (spelling?) and has been at her company for 15 years so it's not easy to just walk-away and start over. Plus-- she's in her 50's now. My heart goes out to her, which is why I'm trying to gather up some suggestions.

And yes, it is a shame that there seem to be no laws protecting workers from tyrants like him. I love the idea of documenting and seeing an attorney. I'll certainly pass that on to her along with everyone elses's comments.

Thanks again! :)

She may just need someone to vent to and listening might be the best way to help her. I'm sure she doesn't get a ton of personal time with her job and kids.

Market hours are pretty short...

-Rudey

I'm just trying to be nice...