Combat for Dummies
 

Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. Some of these guys must have had a sense of humor

"Aim towards the enemy."
--Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon

"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop

I can attest to the M-72 having the instruction of "point towards enemy", but it's step 3 or 4 ;)

Other good ones I've heard:
During an inspection of a frigate's engine room-
Admiral "Chief, what steps would you take in the event of an imminent engine explosion"
Chief "The ones behind you, two at a time".

Most of the ones you've listed are part of "Murphy's Laws of Combat"... something my Grandfather still has a copy of from WW2


- Friendly fire isn't

- Don't worry about the bullet with your name on it... worry about the shell adressed to "to whom it may concern".

- if your short of everything but the enemy... you're in combat.

- the most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map.

- never take more than your fair share of objectives... or you will have more than your fair share to take.

- recoiless rifles aren't.

- a sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

- If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

- NEVER share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

- Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

- There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

- Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at. ;)

- Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

- Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

- If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

- Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

- Killing for peace is like f*cking for virginity.

- The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

- A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

- Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

- Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.

- Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
and it's related
- Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

- The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.

- If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.

- If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't.

- Smart bombs have bad days too.

others and more at:
http://www.military-quotes.com/

LMAO! Thanks for the chuckles, guys :)

Unlikely any of you on GC did time in the Ooold Air Force's Strategic Air Command (I never did), but if your folks ever served in SAC (or the Air Force, in general) you'll get a chuckle or two over this (in)famous list of SAC-isms:

http://www.weathergraphics.com/tim/sacisms.htm

At my age I could have served in SAC. Wrong service, though.

These are great lines -- especially the ones I hadn't heard before.

Ah... forgot one phrase from the RAF during WW2:

"An unplanned ground-air interface" = crash