Best Farting stories
 

ok c'mon you bunch of prudes.

Give me your best shot. I know you all have some great fart stories. Whether it be at the Delt Hous, Chi-O house, Pikefest, KD shamrock,Sigma Chi derby days, at Delta Gamma anchor splash when all the sudden some air bubbles start poppin up near you...during lip sync when no one could hear, dropping a bomb walking by the sororities during bid day...

I'll tell two of my favorite fart stories

When i was in 5th grade. I had to fart really really bad. And after trying to hold it in for the longest time (it was gonna be a huge one and a loud one). So we are chillin doing some art crap, i remember cutting some paper mishay. All the sudden i went BRRRRRRRRUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP!!!!!

Hahaha I am tellin you it was like a 5 second one baby. And I was like, OH SHIT did my ass just do that!? But being so cunning for a 11 year old, I immediately just out of my seat and went, " EWWWW DUDE! ALFRED WHAT THE HECK!!!!!" (Alfred just moved in from china, poor little foreign kid who always smell and cuold hardly speak english at the time) And then I started running in place, trying to make it look as if i was so horrified that i was near "his" fart. So all these kids were screamed, " ALFRED!!!! EWWW!!!!" haha poor litle Alfred kept denying but everyone didn't believe him. Poor little fob.

Another time was last year when I was at the Yardhouse with two other Pikes and a Chi-O. So the Chi-O chick goes to the bar to order drinks for us becuase she was offering. All the sudden some douchebag wearing a suit lookin like he is Pacey Witter or something comes up and starts talking to her. She looks over at us like, " uhhh Pike boys, come help me out". So me an the two other Pikes do rock paper scissors to see who had to go up and save her. Well, I lost and another guy lost so the two of us went. I took the lead and I said, dude just follow WHATEVER I DO. So me and my Pike homie walk up behind this guy, and i let out a REALLY LOUD FART. Immediately, the other Pike and the Chi-O react and go, " EWWWWWW!!!! What the Hell ar you doing!!! " talking to the douche. then these hot chicks across the bar starting laughing at him. Poor dude didnt know what hit him. All three of us had that jedi mind shit going on.

This isn't about me, but I was there
 

In the 7th grade, I went to the video store with my friend and her mom. Well, she pooted and s*** on herself and her mom made her lay on her stomach in the backset because they just bought a new car and her mom said, "You ain't getting no s*** on my seats!"

Well I am silly as h*** and I laughed for like 20 minutes straight until I seen the tears in her eyes.

LMAO!!!!!!!

I need to call her and remind her about this one!!!!!!!!

Well, this one isn't about me; it's about my dog (honest!!).

Mr. KR and I were sitting in the living room watching television and our then-new puppy was laying on the floor in front of the tv. All of a sudden, we heard "pfffffffffffffffffffffffffff" coming from the direction of our dog and it went on for about 10 seconds. The best part was the poor confused dog trying to look over his shoulder because he couldn't figure out where that sound was coming from!

My mother said one night, I was 10 or so, she heard something that sounded like the door at 1 am (her room was alllll the way in the back of the apartment, and hard to hear from). She goes to the door, nothing. Coming back down the hall, she hears it again. She "claims" it was me farting against the wall in my sleep.


My grandmother and my aunt went to the movies years ago. She would always make comments in the movie and laugh really crazy, so people were already laughing at her more than the movie. So then she farts and as loud as you please she says, EXCUSE ME, I FARTED!! Of course everyone died.



On multiple occasions when my daughter was in diapers, She wuld grunt and this loud eruption would occur, and the smell was enough to use as tear gas, and I just KNEW she had dropped a load, and I dreaded looking. So when I did, her diaper was completely clean. It was all gas!!!!!!!!!!! She still farts hard loud and funky to this day. OHHH, on this other day fairly recently, she farted at the library while I was on the computer, and she announces she farts, then farts again right after that and announces that too. Mind you the sound carried because its silent and the place has high ceilings.

Mine is similar to the last one. I was in Williamsburg with my cousins and grandparents. We went to the movies one afternoon. Well it was a loud movie most of the time but suddenly it was really quiet. All of the sudden my grandfather lets out the hugest fart. It was so loud! We were sitting with him and everyone stared at us. They didn't know which one of us had done it. It was horrible.

I was very gassy one day at work this week (or last week?) and I just blamed it on the kids.

When I was in fourth grade, I bent over to pick something up off the floor, and I let one out. It wasn't a loud one, but it just crept up on me. Nicholas, the boy next to me was like ILL RASHID FARTED! But I just said "No I didn't..... ;) " and he laughed.

Finally, one of my frat brothers always farts around me. That's love.

I was at a Theta Xi beach party back in the day and my date and I walked into these guys' room. One of them was lying on his side with his back to the door and didn't know that there were women in the room and that one had lain down beside him on the bed. He let a reeeaaallly bad one and said, "AAAhhhh! That was a juicy one!"

Then he turned around and saw about 20 people behind him in the room. :eek:

thought of one
 

My high school required us to take American History in our Junior year. BOOOOORING! So, everyday either I (A) Goofed around like hell or (B) Slept. While dozing off in class one day, someone let one rip. It was loud as hell. I woke up really startled and looked at the guy behind me. He was like "What?" I gave him dirty looks because I thought HE did it, but everyone looked at me. So, I didn't know if it was me or someone else. Either way, everyone thought it was funny.

I have a really annoying habit of farting as I'm exiting an elevator. :p

Me and my mom have a tendency to do that too. As long as it's empty, we're A-OK. I just feel bad for the guy that takes that elevator after us. lolz

hahaha....my dog did that too! Except, my dog looked back over his shoulder at us like one of us did it!

Speaking of dogs farting.....

One afternoon, my boyfriend and I decided to visit his parents. I sat down on one end of the couch while his mom sat on the other. Their family dog, Polly, was sat in the middle. In the middle of our conversation, Polly decided to get up and leave. She stepped off the couch onto her two front paws, with her hind feet still on the couch and her rear end in the air, and decided to take a stretch before moving along. As she did that, I heard a "pffffffffffft!" The dog farted right in my face! Neil's mum just scolded Polly and Polly looked back at *me* as if to say, "Boy, mum sure is mad at you!"


My grandpa had a funny sense of humor. He would walk past my tiny little grandma in the kitchen, fart, and then exclaim, "Helen!"


As for me, I don't really have any fart in public stories. Though, my boyfriend burps and farts at will. The exchange always goes like this:

Neil: <poot!>

<pause 2...3...4>

Kelly: Neil!!!

Neil: <unrepentant> Pardon me.

So, one weekend we were watching TV and Neil must have farted some 3 times in 10 minutes. So, after the third time, I decided to get him back and I let rip a really big fart. You know, the kind that makes the couch rumble. First, he looked at me horrified; but, then he conceeded that he thought that I was the coolest girlfriend ever. :p

.....Kelly :)

I can't believe I'm answering this...
 

My mother had an older friend, who was a trifle obnoxious. They were at a ladies meeting, sitting directly in front of a woman who is such a flawless, polite lady in every way. My mother's friend had this incredible blast, turned around to look directly into the eyes of Saint Lady, and loudly said, "Who did that?!" Everyone else was horrified, knowing full well who was the offender.


Another story, cut short. A male friend came to visit, knowing full well where I stood romantically. We took in all the sites, having lunch at the Georgetown Inn on Mt. Washington (from where all the nice photos of Pittsburgh are taken). He ordered Chicken Fettucini Alfredo, while I ordered Turkey Devonshire.

Fast forward to the evening, as we're watching videos. He asked me for something out of the refrigerator, and while I was out of the room, he relieved himself, quietly but a LOT! I came back, and my eyes actually burned - it was like a sulphur factory was in my tv room! I didn't say anything, though - until he brought it up three years later. He was telling the story to a few of our friends, and he ended by saying, "You didn't even know that I sent you to the kitchen just so I could, didn't you?" He almost died laughing when I said that my sinuses haven't been the same since!

See, it's funnier when a big group of people enters the elevator. Try it some time!

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

This one happened to me thanks to my obnoxious cousin who is notorious for pulling shit like this on family and I was stupid enough to fall for it. I'm talking on the phone to my friend when he comes up to me & asks me if I could help him get some stuff from the closet. I'm still on the phone & ask him what he needs when he pushed me & shut the door & held it from his side. I'm wondering why the hell he has me trapped in a closet when I start smelling his gas. I started screaming hysterically for him to let me out while he laughed like a maniac. I must have started to choke b/c my poor friend didn't know if I'm being murdered & she should call 911 or what. He only let me out b/c his mom walked in & realized I was dying in there. When she let me out, my mascara was streaming down my face & my nose was running.

One of my more prouder moments occurred when I used to work at MACY's years ago. I hated cleaning the dressing rooms b/c the women always left them a mess. During the holiday rush, I would purposely drink milk (I'm lactose intolerant & dairy gives me the worst gas ever) & then I'd pretend to go clean things up & fart while there. In no time, women would be running out of my fitting room where I'd continue farting to make sure any women about to go in would turn right around & go to the Juniors department.