Boys...boys...boys...
 

Okay, here's my story:

My sorority had a date night over two months ago with another sorority on campus. Since I wasn't dating anyone, I took a good friend and had an awesome time just dancing with everyone and being there at our function. While there, I met a guy, whom one of my own sorority sisters had asked to come. I had known him from being on campus, and he's in a fraternity here. We ended up talking and dancing for the rest of the night and went and hung out with him and some of his brothers afterwards and I ended up staying at his house. Keep in mind, we were both sober (trying to be a good risk management coordinator!), and so it wasn't a random drunken "go home with the guy.”

Then we started dating. I went to his fraternity formal with him about 3 weeks ago, we went out on dates, and had a pretty good "relationship." So, he calls me two nights ago. He's been kinda quiet all week and so I go by his house (after he asks me to) and everything is normal. Hanging out, tells me how great I am....the usual stuff we talk about. He tells me that we’re moving too fast and that I’m the greatest girl that he’s ever met and that he really wants to be with me, but he’s used to his independence and hanging out with his guy friends all the time and that I am too busy for him (I’m involved in a lot of campus organizations). Everything he told me I agreed with, so we ended our conversation by deciding that we were still going to hang out and do stuff and remain friends.

Fast forward to last night, when I went out for our Thursday night parties on campus and he was there. I said talked to him for a few minutes and then left to go dance with my sorority sisters. A lot of them didn’t know that we “broke up” so they kept asking him about how our relationship is and all that fun stuff. He tells one of my sisters (which is his best friend from high school) that he thinks that I am the best thing that could have ever happened to him and that he knows that we will be together for a long time. So, imagine the shock when I tell her that we’re not together anymore, because he never told her! He called me later last night and told me to have fun this weekend at my sorority formal and to be careful and tells me that he might come by to see me (luckily I had a date before we started dating, so at least I’m not stuck without a date this weekend!). Then, he sends me a text message today telling me the same thing!

So, my question to all of you is what should I do? Should I try to talk to him and tell him how I feel since I really do like him? Or should I just let things lay low for a little while, since our spring break is next week and we both have different plans? Do you think that he still cares about me and wants to be with me? Thanks in advance for the help! I really appreciate it, because I’m confused!!

Not enough white space. Too hard to read.

You might want to break it down into separate paragraphs.

The only thing I can say is that if he broke up with you, he broke up with you. It doesn't really matter what he says or does afterwards (short of getting back together with you) because you're not together...kind of like ex sex. If you have sex with an ex, it doesn't mean you're back together...it just means you had sex with an ex. It's not like he's going to sit there badmouthing you or something, he obviously likes you or he wouldn't have dated you! Sorry if this seems blunt, but I would say if you were under the impression that it was over between you guys it probably is. Maybe talk to him and say that his behavior is confusing you because you thought things had ended and see what he says, but don't ask him that if you're not ready to hear the answer you don't like. That's my advice...hope it helps!

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't know what he wants himself? You deserve better...if you want to know once and for all and since you're still speaking, then ask him!! If he can't give you a clear cut answer, then move along and don't get wrapped up in his games...

This might sound harsh, but I played many of these games when I was in college and all it does is result in people getting hurt...life is too short and there are too many good times to be had to get hung up on one guy who has to tell everybody else how great you are while you're under the impression that you've broken up...the story needs to be straightened out or take control and give the story your own ending...

I have to agree. If you think that the two of you are broken up, you are (as was already said).

He soudns like my ex who never seemed to know what he wanted.

I'd say lay low and let him PROVE that he wants to be with you. So far, he hasn't done that. He needs to tell YOU that he thinks you'll be together, not someone else.

Thanks, much better

It sounds to me like he's having a bit of remorse, maybe because you sound like you have a life outside of him, maybe because he actually liked you and was scared so he ran away.

Which is a common thing, it seems. In college, men don't want to settle down, but sometimes they find a girl that is what they are looking for. So they push them away, and moving too fast.

I would say that he's too much trouble. He's torn between liking you and wanting his freedom, so if you go back to him all you are going to is get hurt with his pulling you back and sending you away.

One of my sisters has been in this type of relationship since 2001, and still is. It's sad, and emotionally draining on her, and we all try to get it to stop.

Re: Boys...boys...boys...
 

OK Honey, you have a classic situation on your hands: he wants fun you want the relationship. He's not ready, you don't want to risk losing him by pushing him. My opinion, which I can't say is the best idea around, is to lay low and put him out of your head.

You're heading for spring break, and you do NOT want to mess up an awesome time like that. Nothing is more pathetic than a friend feeling lonely and sad while everyone is partying it up in college paradise. Have fun and see what happens when you guys get back.

I think you should wait for him to call you first and see what are the first words coming out of his mouth. "Wanna come over and do stuff?" or "I've been thinking a lot about us and think we need to..." He sounds like he's just freaking out about being in a relationship, maybe jitters. It's a normal guy reaction and we usually gauge a girl's reaction in order to figure out our next move.

So if this truly bothers you that he doesn't want to be just with you, then dump him and concentrate on your busy schedule. If you're having fun, then don't overanalyze his double speak with you and your friends. Guys like to pretend everything is on the up and up when they talk about girls they are seeing.

College is all about games like this, and if you don't want to play this one, no problem. But don't rest on any hope that he'll come around quickly and want to be with you. Show him that you are not going to be a pushover with this crap and be firm. My advice to lay low doesn't mean you should agree with his reasons, just recognize you get it and that you'll be keep your freedom at the same time;)

Also, this whole b.s. with him checking up on you at formal. Yea, I don't think that was a cool move on his part. If he's so concerned with you being with other people, maybe he should re-evaluate his independence and freedom argument. Good luck and make sure you have the greatest time on spring break!


RUgreek

Re: Re: Boys...boys...boys...
 

See, I don't know...it sounds like GreekLove has a full plate and Mr. Wishy-washy might be a little intimidated by a confident girl who has more to do than focus on him.

Re: Re: Re: Boys...boys...boys...
 

Exactly...........

Re: Re: Re: Boys...boys...boys...
 

It sounded like from the story I read that she was busy, but that he wanted his independence. I don't see how that translates to intimidation, but this is all just my opinion so I could be way off.

RUgreek

Re: Re: Re: Re: Boys...boys...boys...
 

Didn't she say that he broke up with her because she had too much going on? Sounds like he didn't like that, and the "independence" thing was an excuse. That's just the impression I got.

I don't know, I didn't really recognize any of this as a relationship or even so that they broke up. They still see each other and mess around, so this is more like hanging out than a real relationship in my book.

Funny.....this is almost the same situation that I wet through with my current boyfriend.

We met at his fraternity house (my brother and best friend are in the same fraternity) and dated for about 2 1/2 months. Even though it wasn't serious his brothers treated us both like it was and even called me "John's" when introducing me (like "Hey Erin, this is Kari, she's John's." *not his real name*).

Well, we had a talk about how neither one of us wanted a serious relationship even though we both liked each other a lot. After that we kind of stopped talking at all for three weeks, I'm not sure why. We would talk every 4 or 5 days and hung out once or twice. Around the 4th week he started calling me more and he asked me out for that weekend. We went on a really nice group date with a few of his brothers and had an awesome time. That night we pretty much made it "official".

Well, it's been about a month since then, and stuff has been kind of rocky. Admittedly it has been a while since I had a boyfriend, and ex and I were together for over a year so I don't remember how to do the "new relationhip" thing that well, but it just seems like we are stuck. We act the same around each other and still only see each other two or three times a week. It's almost like (and my brother told me this too) he wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.

So just be careful. I'm in a sticky situation and it sounds like one he is trying to get you into as well.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best!

Thanks everyone for all your advice and responses!

So, we get to my formal last night, and he shows up! FYI, our formal is not in the town of where we go to college, so him and his friend "happen" to be in the same town we are last night, so they just decide to "drop by" for a little bit. Well...four hours later they decided to leave.

It made me completely uncomfortable since I had a wonderful date and I decided to have the time of my life last night and not worry about him. He came up to me and talked for a few minutes, but then my lil sis grabbed my hand and pulled me on the dance floor. We probably spoke all of five minutes total, and then he just sat there with his friend and a couple of my sorority sisters and just watched me dance.

I've just decided that I'm not going to worry about him. There are way too many other guys here on campus and if it's meant to work out, then I know it will. Like one of you said earlier, he should be the one to make the initiative and call me if he wants to talk. I feel like I am a very confident person and since I do have a lot of stuff going on, I don't have the time or energy to put up with his wishy-washy drama! :D

Great attitude to have! That is definitely the healthiest way to handle it. Good luck!

Dee