Holiday Drunk Fest
 

Well tomorrow marks the beginning of my family’s drunken festivities. I don’t think there is any holiday that we don’t raise a glass to but Christmas really seems to be the bender of holidays for my family. The only thing that surpasses it in consumption is our Wakes and Weddings. I used to think this was normal until I spent a few holidays with my friend’s families. I fully anticipate a handle of Jim Beam Black under the tree this year and it will be finished by days end. Is this similar to your family’s celebrations or would you say yall are more straight laced in your recognition of the day?

My family on my brother in law's side is all white trash so its a booze fest. We do a combined thing, and have for about 10 years now because its just three of us on my side so its just easier for us all to do it together. They are real pieces of work. They dont even make it to midnight service, becasue they are too drink by then to drive. Robert Earl Keen has a wonderful little song that describes them perfectly. As a joke I gave the CD to my brothe rin law for christmas one year and they actually listened to it while we were opening gifts and changed the names of the people in the song to the names of relatives it describes. THey thought it was great fun. So tragic.

Merry Christmas From The Family
Robert Earl Keen

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him until he sang
Felis Navidad, Felis Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel
The First Noel

Carve the Turkey
Turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension chord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of tampons, Marlboro Lights
Haleluja everybody say Cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fran and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw a breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, Oh Silent Night, Oh Holy Night

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Make Bloody Mary's
Cause We All Want One!
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons, some Salem Lights
Haleluja, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the Family