"Are you a housewife?"
 

OK, I just have to vent.

This past weekend, I was at a social event. I was speaking with an older gentleman whom I hadn't met before. I asked him what he does (he's a doctor) and we chatted a bit about that, then he said to me:

"And you? Are you a housewife?"

WTF!!!!!

He couldn't have asked "What do you do?" or just left it at "And you?" leaving the door open for me to say "I'm a <fill in occupation>" or "I'm a stay-at-home-mom / homemaker". He had to ask specifically if I was a HOUSEWIFE. Does anybody even use that term any more??

*argh* :mad:

Maybe he's been watching Desperate Housewives and was hoping you were looking for a new gardener? ;)

LOL, thankfully I don't know anyone who uses the word housewife in serious conversation.

Another archaic geezer trapped in a time warp of the 1950's.

May I ask what your response to him was?

what the heck is this guy's problem? didnt he learn in gentleman school that the quickest way to end a conversation with a woman is to ask if she is a housewife? :rolleyes:

You may. ;)

I resisted the urge to rip him a new one, and instead calmly said, "No. I am a professional." And I told him that I run my own consulting business and have enough clients to keep me busy full-time.

He was very quiet after that...

I'll probably be the lone woman one this one, but I think I am more forgiving of an "older gentleman" asking such a question. Well unless, of course, your idea of "older" is 50! (In that case, he's definitely young enough to know better!) You see, people who grew up in a different time will have different ways of seeing the world. If this man is somewhere in the range of 70+ he came up in a time when women were indeed largely expected to be housewives. I, for one, am not surprised to hear about a senior citizen who is not totally "with it" in 2004. Should he have known better? Of course! Though, I wouldn't "rip him a new one". It sounds like you handled it appropriately by calmly setting the record straight. I hope you have better luck at your next social gathering!

.....Kelly :)

I agree with navane- you handled that well.
May I ask what your estimate on his age is? The transition to 2-income families being the norm was roughly 1972-1980, and finally hitting the rural areas during the farm-crisis years of the 1980s. I'd be interested to see when he retired as being a doctor he should have been aware of this transition with his patients.

Awww....don't be so hard on the ol' coot.

He probably thinks it's a man's role to ensure that he makes enough so that his wife can stay home.

(I worked with a broker who looked down on other men whose wives worked-- he thought of those men as "lesser" b/c they didn't earn enough and therefore the wives had to work too. Needless to say, the rest of the office thought he was a bit of a jacka$$.

I agree with Navane's post. Depending on the man's age, to him that may have just been what he was brought up to view as the norm. A good friend of mine was in a car accident a year ago and thank G-D she's fine now, she had about 6 surgeries so far and needed to go to the hospital for doctor's appointments a lot. One time I took her to the hospital, and while I was in the waiting room, I was knitting a scarf for a friend. An elderly man (my guess is in his 70's or 80's) came up to me as he was leaving the doctor's office and told me how nice it is to see young women doing something with their lives for a change and how seeing me knit gives him hope for the rest of us. (I kid you not.) Well seeing as he seemed rather elderly and apart from being deranged, a rather nice old man, I decided to bite my tongue and not tell him exactly what I thought of him.

OK, I must be crazy.

(1) I don't get why being called a "housewife" is so insulting. If you're a wife, and you work in the house, why is that bad? Usually the term also includes mothering, which is argueably one of the MOST important professions! Granted, when my mom was home with us kids, she taught us to ask, "Do you work in the home?" but I guess I'm just not seeing the insult factor. I think if someone asked me if I was a housewife I'd say, Yes, I have two lovely children, though I used to be a world-renown neurosurgeon (because really the poor guy's just trying to turn the topic of conversation towards learning more about you, or finding something you have in common,) OR just, "No, I'm a full-time Victoria's Secret model, though with all the traveling, sometimes staying at home sounds like a vacation!"

Point being I don't think he meant to upset you, and I don't get what's upsetting about being someone's wife, or a mom, or a woman who's lucky enough not to work. The women's lib movement was about CHOICES, not about forcing women out of the home.


(2) I like to knit too. And I'd think it was cute if some guy told me what I was doing gave him hope for my generation. Go me! Is it just me or do you guys feel like everyone HATES our generation? I work in law enforcement and the older folks here are always like, "OH, your generation is all about "me". They're always late, don't know how to deal with authority, etc." And here I'm thinking... I'm about 40 min early to work every day. And I stay late, and I skip lunch sometimes, and generally work my butt off, but what you notice is the ONE 26 year old interviewee who was 10 minutes late?

I don't get it either. :confused: I'd love to be a stay at home mom, but that's another thread. ;)

Maybe it was the way (tone, condecending voice, etc.) in which he asked the question?

Good response. You handled that exceptionally well.

For those who don't know what the insult is, it varies from person to person. I myself would have found it offensive NOT that he labeled me a housewife but that he just ASSumed I was one, as if there was no other profession in the world I was suited for.
I have nothing against housewives as I grew up with an aunt who was one. My mom was full-time so I spent a lot of time w/my aunt & have some of my most wonderful memories of my childhood w/her. Who else would have been able to take us to the Olympic Village in 1984 to see the athletes. We couldn't afford tickets to any games but just being around the area was fun enough!

"Housewife" implies you're married to the house. :) Most people prefer "homemaker" instead. I personally also prefer "homemaker" to "stay at home mom" as it's a bit less limiting.

If he's 60+, trust me, he didn't mean anything negative by it.

You all might want to be a little careful with statements like this one.

That's exactly what I did from the time our first child was born until our last one was in Middle School.

It wasn't my "role," it was our choice. Her mom (who also graduated from college -- as did her grandmother which was rare in that era) chose to stay home and raise her children. Being from a broken home, it was a foreign concept to me, but one which I quickly embraced.

We felt it was important to have a parent at home with young children. We still do if it's possible.

My wife graduated from college with honors. While she was not "working," she volunteered, including sitting on the Board of Directors of an international (81 countries) not-for-profit.

She now runs her own successful business.

As for the older gentleman involved, I doubt that he meant to be offensive. Depending on his age, it was probably how he was taught to consider the world.

Things are different now. They may even be better. Probably are. But they also may not. Time will be the judge of that.

Is that an option? Cause I might like to marry a house more than I'd like to marry a guy. Guys are a lot of committment.