How would you handle this situation?
 

I was listening to Russ Parr this morning on my way to work. A lady had wrote a letter asking for advice about a problem she's having with her husband. I missed the beginning, so I don't know how long they've been married. Here's the problem:

The lady's company Christmas party is coming up and she doesn't want to take her husband because he embarrasses her. She said is not very articulate, he's loud, and limited on conversation topics. She said she told him how she feels and his response was "He doesn't have to talk white." She took his comment as an insult because she's articulate. The callers common response was you have to know how to play the game. The way you talk at home is different than the professional world and sometimes race has nothing to do with it. Some were saying, she should help him or send him to school, but if he doesn't want to or sees a need to change, leave him at home.

But Russ and Olivia Fox made a good point too. Just because someone is articulate doesn't mean they're smart and vice versa.

What do you think?
Sorry for the long post, but I thought this was interesting.

I think that since it is a company party, ther would still be a semi-business like atmosphere. If she does take him, she should make him very aware of that and ask him to behave accordingly.

I agree with the radio DJ's that everyone who is articulate is not always smart, however your ability to articulate is one of the first things people notice, so it is often the first indicator of one's intelligence. BTW cc, don't you HATE when people say that speaking properly is talking "white"?

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The most virtuous of all men is he that contents himself with being virtuous without seeking to appear so...

Now this is an interesting topic...

I can't stand this whole "talking white" thing! I hate the fact that, as blacks, we somehow believe that being articulate, well-spoken, and grammatically correct is NOT characteristic of being black! Since when?!?!?! Yes, I know that whites are guilty for perpetuating that belief, too, but some of us buy into it! I was always a very articulate child (won tons of awards for oratory as early as age 7). Although I was born and raised in Mississippi, I never had a southern accent; people would often accuse me of "talking white" because I didn't sound like everyone else around me. When I was 2 I lived in Chi-town for a year, so one would think that I kinda picked up the communicative traits of the BLACK midwesterners I lived with. Still, the assumption was that I was trying to talk "white"! What is THAT?!?!?! Why is it that a person is assimilating if he/she shows an understanding of basic communication and and public speaking skills, and a grasp of the English language? Am I only black when I am speaking Ebonics?!?!?!

In my field, effective communication and public relations are KEY. For me, it is simply about professionalism and representing myself in the best possible manner I can (after all, I am a Communication major)! It's not about trying to be anyone else.

Her husband should have the common sense to know how to differentiate between social settings that are personal and those that are business-related. Making the adjustment has nothing to do with ethnicity or culture. We know how to act in church versus in a dance club, don't we? No one accuses us of "acting white" in church just because we don't curse or talk about sex or anything else we'd not dare do in God's house. Why is it any different when we make the necessary adjustments in the work setting?

Let me stop before I start preachin!



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Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
Pi Kappa, SP97
#3 of QUINTESSENCE

Interesting, Interesting..........I would have to say that this whole "talking white" thing is has become so old and redundant. I swear if somone says something like that to me, I immediately put them in their place. I once had this male friend and I would always correct his english he would just say that he was more "street" like than I was so we speak differently I guess thats better than saying talking white or black. Honestly though peoples speaking styles are more class related than race related, not to say that all poor people speak incorrectly(lord knows I speak fine and I am by no means rich) but more middle class and wealthy people have acces to better educations therefore they are surrounded with people who speak and act a certain way. I have been to some schools in bad areas and let me tell you some of those teachers speak horribly, they do not even correct the children when they speak incorrectly..........As far as that couple goes, my thing would be if they are so different and he embarasses her so much then how is that they came to be? I mean if I am with a guy who may not speak or act like I do there must have been some kind of attraction and if I love him enough to marry him, I must accept him if I accept him for who he is then I suppose anyone I come in contact with will have to also or steer clear. If he was willing to accompany me to an office Christmas party I would take him, if he is my husband then I love him no matter what. He would not have to change who he is to "fit" in with anyone as long as he "fits" with me

If her husband cannot conduct himself in a business-like manner at her place of employment, he should stay home...for her sake. Everybody does not 'fit in' the corporate atmosphere, even some that are employed there!

I definitely agree that all articulate people are not intelligent. However, it is more likely than not that an articulate person is intelligent. I don't beleive the spouses behavior is indicative of his intelligence but a measure of his ability to 'fit in'.

I don't beleive that speaking proper, standard English is 'talking white'. I know plenty of whites who cannot speak properly. I am Black, educated and use correct English but have never been accused of 'talking white'. I beleive it has to do with your voice and intonation rather than your use of subject-verb agreement.

There was a big discussion on the SGRho forum recently about 'talking white'.

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MCCOYRED

Dynamic
Salient
Temperate

Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

If my husband did not 'fit' with me then I wouldn't have married him. However, he wouldn't have to change who he is to accompany me to the office Christmas party but he would have to adapt his behavior to the situation, something that we all do everyday in a variety of circumstances.



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MCCOYRED

Dynamic
Salient
Temperate

Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

The husband probably picked up on his being and embarrassment to his wife, and decided NOT to go. He then should question his wife about that. If my girl was "inarticulate" and my company had a party, I WOULD ask her to go. If she wanted to go, I would tell her to stay close to me, eat the food, and dip (leave)when we're full!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

I am who I am no matter what. Love it or LEAVE it. One may be more lax around close friends than with strangers or certain co-workers but not a whole completely different person. I belive thats what I said "he wouldn't have to change who he IS".