My crazy family
 

Ok. I just need to vent, so bear with me please...

Before I met my BF, my parents made me come home from school every 2 weeks (made me because that was how I got my $, I had to visit them). That drove me crazy because it took so much time to go there and the drive sucks and I HATE driving (2 hours, depending on the traffic). So I would miss out on things at school/social life. It was just always a hastle for me to go home all the time. Now, I have moved in with my BF, which is even farther than before (a 3 hour drive, depending on traffic). And I am no longer supported financially by my family.

There has been a lot of drama going on with my family. When I call them, they tell me things and it stresses me out and depresses me. I love them, and I do miss them at times, and I know they need someone to talk to once in awhile. But then they always want me to come home and visit. Not every two weeks now, but like once a month. And they try to guilt me into visiting. Or guilt me into doing something. They always try to tell me what to do which pisses me off and makes me not want to do it. Especially my sister. She's always trying to tell me to do things, she should be worrying about her own problems and not anybody elses.

I just visited my family this past weekend because I did want to see them. But then, my sister who has turned religious, tells me that my mom is going to go to this religious retreat. See, I'm not religious at all. I don't mind people who are religious. What I don't like are people that try to push religion onto others and are hypocrites (like my bro-in-law and sis). That's fine that my mom wants to go (because my sister talked her into it), but now I HAVE to go there for the "graduation" thing that they have at the end of the retreat. I guess people want thier family there because I guess they're supposed to have found God and all of that. But the problem I have about going is that it's going to be held during Labor Day weekend in Sacromento somewhere, where traffic is HORRID! So not only is the drive to my parents 3 hours, but it's going to be longer because of all the vactioners, but then it's ANOTHER 2 hours to Sac, and who knows how the traffic will be going there, it won't be good because a lot of people go to the Delta by Sac. So that's a whole lot of driving for one afternoon, not to mention the drive back! All for something that I don't really believe in. I want to be there for my mom because it would make her happy. It's just such an inconvenience. WHY would you have that on Labor Day weekend?! I just visited, and now I have to go back?! They alrady gave me a guilt trip when I said I wasn't going to go at first. So I am going, but am pissed off that I have to. If I end up not going, they will be PISSED.

(In June, we were going to go th my nephew's grad party. We left here late at night, got into my hometown, and saw that all the hotels were packed because of some NASCAR function that was happening nearby. So the only place left was this nasty, realllly smokey, hot ass room. We tried to stay there but were getting upset and couldn't sleep, we ended up leaving and coming back home. When I called and told them what happened, they got all upset and yelled at me and was telling me to get in my car and come back home! They can be very un understanding. (is that a word? lol) And that was just for a grad party!)

I know people are going to say "suck it up. do it for your mom," which I am, but I just needed to vent because everytime I think about it, it makes me mad and upsets me.

(There's a bunch of other background stuff, but the post is already long enough. The other stuff is much too personal, so I don't want to get into all of that.

awww babe! well- coming from a pretty messed up family myself (not that i'm saying yours is- but you know what i mean) i understand what you are going through. My parents divorced when i was 14 and from that time- my step-mom and my father made this huge scene everytime i went there about how i don't visit and i don't care about them- but they never once tried to visit me or try to involve themselves in my life- and they gave me total guilt trips- to the point where i completely avoided going there and my relationship with my father was extremely strained. not to mention the fact that my mom was hounding him for child support money- so he'd take his anger out on me when i did see him...

i'm 21 now and we are only just barelly able to talk about all the things that happened and are still happening- things are so much better- but i'm still on shaky ground- i'm still watching my back bc who knows when it will all go downhill... its really sad...

As far as your situation... you can only give so much- and it seems like you are reaching the end of your rope... your desire to be at this graduation thing is countered by the aggrevation and time that it takes.... you have made more than enough effort. Try not to let them manipulate by using guilt to get what they want....you have a life too and they need to understand that (easier said then done... believe me i know) when was the last time they visited you?

i'd try to come to a middle ground with them- maybe you can't make it for this graduation- but what about meeting them for a nice dinner in a few weeks when you can plan it better? and if your mom is so in touch with God (not to sound condescending- but sometimes people in my fam would try to pull this on me- and it drove me crazy- and you prob feel the same way- but thats a diff conversation) then she should learn to accept you and help you through this time...

not to mention the fact that you aren't getting money from them... thats their decision too right? it takes money to go a visit- to drive that far and to take time off of work or whatever.... if they want to hold money over your head... give it right back....

i really hate that your going through this- and i know lots of people are... its really upsetting and stressful... try to stay true to yourself and what you think is fair and just... thats all you can do...

good luck pm me if you want/ need to:)
~maggie

it's so you don't get drunk and go sinning ;)

just kidding....that really sucks. my grandmother is super religious and when she found out i never went through confirmation (my family is catholic) she went through the roof. but my mom explained to her that it was my own personal decision to wait because i wasn't sure if i wanted to be 100% catholic. my grandmother started crying and telling me how i was going to hell and now i could never get married in a catholic church (which isn't completely true because if i want to get married in one, i can go through confirmation classes then).

you're best bet is talk to your mom. as you said, your parents guilt trip you into going there a lot but if you get the straight story from her and speak your mind competely either she'll say it's okay if you can't make it because of the holiday or you'll see that it would mean a lot for you to be there for her.

i've never had good experiences with "religious things" like what you're mentioning above and if anything, it's pushed me farther away from actually having religion as a part of my life. i live in the deep south so it's hard now when the topic comes up because i get weird looks for being raised catholic to begin with and then people will question my reasons for not being a part of a church.

WOW - yeah just ignore them- dont put up with it. only if its really really important. If you have to - lie about car problems or be sick whatever.........you will suffer doing everything they want. you are not their doormat. I dont like being forced to do things but if its really important I would do it.