Cotillion
 

I would like to bring this post back to the top, because I need some help. As some of you know, I am involved in a Cotillion, which is sponored by Alpha Kappa Alpha. The young lady that raises the most money will be crowned and she will get the highest scholarship. This is my goal, but even if I do not win, I would like to place really high. There are 5 runner-ups and then, of course, the BIG title. Well, it is getting close to the time for me to make my debut. The lady who was supposed to be my mentor told me to my face, several times, that I was not going to win. Her reasoning for saying this is, because I am going against "rich" girls. I feel like some kind of charity case. I feel like she wants to say this, "Here is this average little girl that I took out of the ghetto and made her into something. Now all of my sorority sisters can look at what I have done and pat me on the back." It is really devasting, because I really respected her, but I must strive to prove her wrong. This situation is really crazy, but this is where you all come in. I know that you all do not know me, but if you feel that you can help me, please PM me.

Hi, I haven't posted here in a while, but I feel like I need to speak on your situation. I just did my Cotillion a little under two years ago, so I feel like I can relate.

The whole point of the Cotillion for me, was to meet and bond with other girls my age, participate in the etiquette, attire, and other "polishing" activites, do some service projects, and dress up, get pretty, and have some fun. I was raising money to have a little extra to go off to school with. I guess I just don't understand, because I never felt like I had to prove to my sponsor that I could raise X amount of money, and few of the other girls feeling that way either-- only the ones whose parents felt like they had something to prove. I know that I didn't have as much money as a lot of the other girls, but I didn't really care... scholarsip money is scholarship money; you're doing it for yourself. I think the attitude of raising so much just to be on the court and say "look at how much money I could get out of my friends and relatives" is a little misguided-- you could have easily raised the same amount by the same means and kept all of it for school. (which is supposed to be the point)

Concerning your sponsor, I'm sorry that she feels that she has something to prove to the rest of her chapter and is making you feel bad about that. But you can't change other peoples' attitudes-- you can only change your own and "do you." Don't feel like you have to work extra hard to drum up money so she can feel good about herself-- have your loved ones send donations in the name of Me Phi Me, Inc. straight to YOU and save it for those books next semester! :D I'm sure you're a wonderful young lady, and as long as you can believe that, NOBODY can tell you otherwise!

Waaaayyyy back in the day when I made my debut (in St. Louis)we did not have to raise money. That was because it was a debut, not a fundraiser.

When my daughter was in the Links Cotillion (in MN,) they had to sell ads for the ad book, but again it wasn't a priority. The monies raised went to the Link's scholarship program but not to the Debs themselves.

I said all of this to say, that I agree with HederaNaturale. Your focus should be on the networking and bonding with other young ladies your age not the fundraising. And it seems ludicrous that the Deb who raises the most money gets the biggest scholarship, yet they are "rich girls." Something is wrong with that picture.

Exactly, ladygreek. I know that Cotillons are huge fundraisers for chapters, but all too often, that's the main focus, and the programs for the girls are secondary. I know that a lot of girls get business sponsors and raise tens of thousand of dollars, and in mine, even the winner only recieved 40% of that money back. The rest of us recived 30%, and you had to raise at least 2,500 to get anything back at all! I know I said from the beginning that fundraising to me was secondary, so I did the bare minimun to get something back, and told my family not to send too much for the Cotillion, but send ME checks if they wanted to help me out. I even made up little ad books of my own to say thanks. :cool:

I thank you for your advice. I must say that I am blessed to be in such an event...it is a wonderful experience,but my feelings developed:
When my "mentor" first put me in this. I was told that I was going against a bunch of rich girls. That was disproved, once I got to know the girls.
When my "mentor" told me to my face (several times) "You are NOT going to win." She based this off of some girls who go to "elite" private schools...on scholarships. Meaning, if their parents pay, they pay very little. So, your parents barely paying for your private school eduaction makes you rich?
When my "mentor" did not fulfill her mentor duties. She was suppose to help me network. Instead, someone who has been trying to pull out of this thing has been there every step of the way.
My "mentor" has been so focused on the material things and not encouraging me to do my best. I told her that if I was the poorest person in this Cotillion, I should have never known that I was not going to win. Instead, she makes me feel like she is having pity on me. She has told me, "I don't care about your abilities." Well, if you don't care about my abilities, why would you put me in this? I feel that she did this just to receive some kind of recognition from those around. In essence, she did not put me in here for the right reasons. But, you best believe that if I do not win, I can walk away saying I put my heart and soul into this. I said all of this to let you all know that I am not all about the winning. I do realize that the ones who normally win are "rich" or who have parents in a business with a lot of contacts. Therefore, I am not going to kill myself...I am just doing my best. Trust and Believe, I am embracing every precious moment.

De6 it sounds like you are having a bad experience. I am also not sure what, specifially you want from us on the board: advice, money?? :confused:

If you are looking for advice, my suggestion would be to discuss your concerns with someone in the chapter. There should be one person (a chair for instance) who is in charge of the entire Cotillion. You or one of your parents should speak to that person privately to express your concerns, the lack of attention you feel that you are getting and your goals for participating in the Cotillion. Maybe you can be assigned another mentor, or at the very least, someone will talk to the person in question.

I was never in a Cotillion/Deb ball as a High Schooler, but I know the one in my town, which was sponsored by a local women's group (not a sorority, but affiliated with the National Council of Negro Women's Clubs, or something like that) selected the "Deb winner" the same way that you described: one who brought in the most money won, but there were other prizes (and scholarships) for other young ladies who did things like had the highest GPA, attending the most events, held an office, or was, for lack of a better word, Miss Congeniality, etc. In addition, my mother's sorority has a similar kinda thing and a group of members are assigned to each girl to help with the fund raising. They too are expected to sell ads, tickets, etc. As a matter of fact, they have an "assessment" where each member is expected to donate a certain amount. They can raise it or just write a check! Does your group have a similar situation or is it jsut one on one? If there is agroup, you may want to just speak to another member in your assigned group about your concerns..

Every experience we have is a learning experience. I know you are a believer, so ask God what he wants you to get out of this experience, good and bad. The sum total of our experiences prepare us for the next step in life.