10 signs she's a witch
 

Ten Signs She's a Witch
by Miss Love



ONE

She's always sighing.

Sometimes a witch doesn't have to open her mouth to tell you how she feels. Call it a talent. A girl who's always rolling her eyes or sighing like she's too good for the room probably thinks she's too good for you, too.

TWO

She doesn't like your friends.

Friends beat out a trophy girlfriend any day. If she thinks your friends are losers and doesn't want you to spend time with them, or if she treats them with disrespect, show her the door.

THREE

She's always making you foot the bill.

Be weary of any woman who expects you to pay her way. You'll go bankrupt before you make a woman like that happy.

FOUR

She loves to scrutinize your appearance.

A woman who complains about how a man dresses considers him an accessory. If she's telling you what to wear, she's more concerned with how she looks standing next to you.

FIVE

She doesn't get along with her own family.

A girl who can't stand her own parents might as well start kicking puppies on the street. If she can't at least pretend to get along with them, she's certainly not going to make an effort with you.

SIX

She can't take a joke.

A witch generally takes her bitchiness very seriously. She doesn't have time to laugh (it might smear her makeup).

SEVEN

She always has to be in control

You know you're in the company of a witch if she turns off the football game you're watching so she can catch the last five minutes of Oprah.

EIGHT

She forgot your birthday.

She never called you on your birthday, but she has reminded you repeatedly when hers is. She even gave you a list of gift ideas.

NINE

She's mean to store clerks.

She treats service people like servants, which is how she'll eventually start treating you.

TEN

She owns a T-shirt with the word BITCH embossed in glittery letters on the front and back.

Need we say more?


Copyright 2004 Fun Online Corporation.
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Re: 10 signs she's a witch
 

hehe, when one of my sisters and I were living in Wildwood, NJ for one summer, I bought this half t-shirt with 6 inch fringe (complete with beads at the bottom of the fringe) and "HOT ITALIAN BITCH" written on the front in gold glitter.

It was the 80's, on the Jersey shore and I was young and crazy and, yes, was quite impressed with myself. What else can I say? :rolleyes: :D

Re: Re: 10 signs she's a witch
 

OK If I saw anything that said "Hot Italian..." I would honestly think of food immediately before the bitch part came in :)

Edited to Add:
Some should add "Not providing butt sex" to that list. Thanks.

-Rudey
--And aren't you Polish?

Re: Re: Re: 10 signs she's a witch
 

I'm a half-n-half mutt :) I see what you mean by thinking "food" when you read "Hot Italian...". It could say "Hot Italian Sausage", but I guess that would be more of a guy's shirt.

Hmmmmmmm...Was I (perchance) a borderline witch last week????:p

Ha ha, when I saw the subject of this I thought you were talking about real witches! :p

bump

I disagree with number 5. If several years of therapy uncover the fact that her parents are at the root of her every psychological and psychosomatic problem, then she should be excused.

Oh I better go dust off my witch outfit . . . I think I my hat doesn't stand up anymore!

Add, nose wiggling ability to the list:

http://www.fiftiesweb.com/tv/bewitched-1.jpg

I second this motion...

What do you do with witches?
 

Sir Bedevere: Tell me, what do you do with witches?

Peasant 1: Burn them!

Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?

Peasant 1: More witches!

Peasant 2: Wood.

Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?

Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?

Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?

Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.

Sir Bedevere: Ah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?

Peasant 1: Oh yeah.

(long pause)

Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?

Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!

Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?

Peasant 1: Bread.

Peasant 2: Apples.

Peasant 3: Very small rocks.

Peasant 1: Cider.

Peasant 2: Gravy.

Peasant 3: Cherries.

Peasant 1: Mud.

Peasant 2: Churches.

Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!

King Arthur: A Duck.

Sir Bedevere: Exactly. So, logically...

Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.

Sir Bedevere: And therefore...

Peasant 2: ...A witch!

So, if you want to know if she's a witch, sign #1 should be that she weighs the same as a duck?

I haven't seen that since I was about 15, I'd forgotten how much I hated that movie. But I was rather fond of that part, I do believe we have a winner...

Haha, I came to this thread specifically to write "She turned me into a newt....I got better..." but it looks like someone beat me to the reference :D

Ahh, LightBulb, you're my hero! That's one of my favourite movies of all time! And hardly anyone concurs...:(