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Stories We Missed in 2003

Chicken McNuggets Now With Real Chicken Meat.

The nation's largest fast-food chain announced that white-meat chicken would be a central ingredient of its popular menu item. Following the announcement, angry beak lovers demanded the return of "classic McNuggets."

Cincinnati Cops Claim Self-Defense in Beating of Kofi Annan.

The 19 police officers caught on tape bludgeoning the United Nations secretary-general released a statement saying, "We heard his accent and figured he was on angel dust." The beating followed what cops described as "erratic international diplomacy" at a local White Castle restaurant.

Vice President Cheney Admits Something.

Millions of Americans were shocked at the news that tight-lipped Vice President Dick Cheney had admitted to an undisclosed misstep. In a later clarification, the vice president admitted that, while "someone" was wrong, it was, in fact, not him.

'Freedom Fries' Shame France Into Bombing Syria.

Devastated by the stinging name change imposed on the popular food product, French President Jacques Chirac immediately ordered massive airstrikes on Syria, saying the prospect of "liberty toast" was simply too daunting.