An "Ex" Issue - Need Advice
 

Ladies - I need some good advice. I apologize IN ADVANCE because this is a really long story.

First, I must state that I am happily married to a wonderful, fine, CHRISTIAN man. We have 2 happy and healthy children. My husband and I are tight - intimately, emotionally, etc. We are a family unit that includes God First in everything that we do.

Now, here's my situation:

Last year, my father passed away. My "first love" (we dated for 4 years - my last two years of high school & first 2 years of college) has kept in touch with my parents on a very regular basis over the years. My father has been a really important role model in his shaping his life.

We broke up way back in 92. So, when my father passed away, I needed to get in touch with him to let him know. He is an officer in the army. He's married and also has 2 children. He lives on the east coast, I'm on the west coast. I hadn't spoken to him since we broke up - 8 years ago. I had looked through my father's rolodex to locate his phone number, but only found an address. So, I went ahead and wrote him a letter and sent him my father's obituary and funeral program.

Anyway, he called me immediately after receiving it and we talked for a while and ended the conversation with the whole "keep in touch" deal. I'm thinking that meant "hey, I'll send you & your wife a xmas card from me and my husband every year".

After that conversation, my direct line in my office starting ringing everyday with phone calls from him. Then, more than once a day. Then, I'm answering the phone and the first thing he says is "tell me why I can't stop thinking about you".....

Last month, he was sent to Kosovo. He'll be there until May. I was thinking, this will be good because now the phone calls will subside. PSYCHE! I got a call when he had a stopover in Germany on his way to Kosovo. Now, in Kosovo, I generally get calls about 4-5 times a week. Oh yeah, he's sending me letters (to my office). I've received about 10 letters in the 6 weeks that he's been there! Today, I received a letter that I just had to put away and not even read after I got to the second paragraph. He needs to be sending that stuff to his wife - not me.

The conversations have definitely been inappropriate for two married people (not married to each other, that is) to be having. I have to admit that I too am guilty of taking those conversations somewhere they should not go.

I decided I needed to take this problem to God and pray on it. I'm not trying to start some kind of affair here. I don't want to break up anyone's family - nor mine. Yes, this is someone who I had deep feelings for at one point in my life and in some way, I'll always have some feelings for him. I know this is not right in God's eyes.

Ladies - what do I do? How do I stop this before it goes to far. I need suggestions - like what to say to him. I can't ignore him or not answer my phone. If you don't have any suggestions, then please just pray for me.

continue to pray and take action. if you don't want to talk to him, you won't accept his phone calls. it's that simple. it's not WHAT you say to him. rather, what you DON'T say to him. throw away the letters. if he calls, don't talk to him, cut him off. he's pushing your buttons b/c he thinks you're vulnerable.
okay, can you tell i read Dear Abby and the Ebony Advisor?

The thing of it is, if you are uncomfortable with the fact that there still seems to be some type of connection between you two, severing all forms of communication is useless. You need to be able to say to him, on the phone or in a letter, that you don't want to have any more contact with him. Otherwise, this same problem could present itself in 8 more years. Ignoring the problem (by not taking his calls and throwing away the letters) won't make it go away. It would be a whole new different story if you didn't still harbor some type of feelings for him, which it sounds like you do, even if only a little. I think that you need to know that you are able to say to him, and mean it, "I don't want to have these type of conversations with you anymore."

I agree, you should continue to pray on the situation. Get still until you feel as though God is commanding you to move. Don't make a decision, and then pray on that decision, that would be too late. Pray for guidance. I'm praying for you, too. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I know you'll be fine, you know what you want, just not exactly how to get there.

WenD08 and Ideal08: Thank you very much for your words of wisdom and advice. I will take what both of you said to heart very seriously.

I realize that I need to get this little situation nipped in the bud - with a quickness!

Thank you.

Helllllo!
I wish I had your problem. A husband & family & a great past lover who still wants you? Ok like, how am I supposed to like feel sorry for you? Anyway, explain to him politely that those days are over and you two should leave things "in the past". It shouldn't be too difficult since the first thing you said was that he is a good CHRISTIAN man. Enough of my preaching.
I will pray for you and good luck.

I think she was referring to her husband, not her "ex"

Shalom prayerfull~

I will commit myself to pray for and with you, just know that No, you are not the first woman, nor will you be the last woman to go through this situation; However, your outcome will be for the GLORY of the LORD if you begin to first understand where this attack is coming from. Yes, this is an attack my dear sisterfriend in the LORD. Just look at your user/tag name---that alone sends a message into the spiritual realm as to who you are and what your MO is about!

With a user/tag name so powerful as "prayerfull", sister, you already have spoken the VICTORY to the situation yourself Haven't you read and heard somewhere that "prayer" changes things?

Question?: What makes you think that this ex is really attracted to you (the outward you) and not to the real you (the inward you)? And what has made you forget that the inward you is a representation of JESUS CHRIST? Simply put...how come you haven't come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe this guy is attracked to JESUS?

Now please don't interprete that to mean you are the one the LORD has chosen to use to witness to this "old past" about the LOVE and awesome plan of GOD for his life...if that was the case you'd have done the job, gave HIM the GLORY and moved on to the thing. But I do see how the LORD can use you in this situation so that this man can see the LORD living and demonstrating HIS purpose of marriage through you.

Prayfull, remember, you and your household represent and paint a picture of the Trinity-GOD the FATHER, GOD the SON, and GOD the HOLY SPIRIT. JESUS himself even used marriage as an illustration about the HEAVENLY things above. And speaking of above...reflect on Proverbs 31:10. You are far above rubies! In Proverbs 3l, it says the heart of your husband can trust in you confidently and rely on and believe in you safely, so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. And verse 12 says "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life".

Stand side by side with your husband and minister life, love, healing-soundness and wholeness to any one GOD sends your way! Your ministry to the world is not confusion...because our GOD is not the author of confusion.

Lastly, pray for this "old past" wife because if it wasn't you, "old past" would find someone else to create drama with. Pray for his wife with a pure heart---the HOLY SPIRIT will guide you as to what and how to pray for her.

***Take what you need from this message as meat and whatever is bone for you...spit it out. Keep your ears to GOD's lips and you'll be aight!

Shalom~

That was so beautiful and on point http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif!!

and that's an excellent example of why I love to read posts on this baord....

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

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"No matter how worthy, admirable or fiercely desired the goal may be, it takes commitment and action to make it a reality."

Since you're a praying woman, I'll keep it simple .... "Flee" from the enemy. It's a trap.

And that's a good point, too!!

I do not envy you! I too know what it is like to be torn between two people. All I can say is pray about it. Trust me, everything will be as it should be if you leave it up to the man upstairs.

Shalom2U - thank you so very much for your words. I was sitting here in my office when I read that and had to give out a little SHOUT OF GLORY. I think that my colleague in the office next to me may think that I've gone and lost my mind today. Nevermind her - I just thank you so much for THE WORD which I needed to hear.

Y'all I'm going to get through this - the right way. At my church we have a praise and worship song that we sing - "The Jesus In Me Loves The Jesus In You". Praise God for the inspiration that I'm feeling right now. I've got this song in my head.

Shalom2U - again thank you especially for the biblical references of the husband and wife relationship. I've got my bible out on my desk right now and I'm studying.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by prayerfull:
[B]Shalom2U - thank you so very much for your words.


Shalom Prayfull~

Those were not my words...those were HIS Words---So to HIM be ALL the GLORY!

I sense the prayers of the righetous women from GC availed much to and for you. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

For that, I give GOD the Glory for the Wonderful, Awesome, Illustrious Ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc., for allowing this forum to be used to edify, encourage, uplift and love on anyone who enters here. Thank you Ladies from the sincerity of my heart! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

P.S. Oooo, I better send some Sisterfriend love out to DST Love also! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Shalom~

To all of the ladies who replied to my dilemna a few weeks ago, thank you. I am here this morning to say that this is VICTORY in prayer. I have an update for all of you.

I had that long overdue conversation with my "Ex" and explained to him that whatever was sparking had to stop. I told him that I had spent some time praying about the whole situation. Of course he said "Why" did I pray about it. I was in my car on my cell phone when we had this conversation and I had Donald Lawrence & The Tri City Singers playing ("Let the Lord Minister to You"). He said "Why are you listening to that? Is that some kind of hint"? I said "you're darn straight"!

I still don't think that he gets it and really I feel that is because he is not a praying man himself. Another reason why I thank God everyday for the strong, Christian, praying husband that I have.

So, I know this may sound like a Sunday Morning Testimony, but "Praise God for his goodness and his mercy, for there is Victory in Him. And for those of you who don't know or have some confusion about where your life is going, take a moment to get into the Spirit and allow Him to minister to you. You will clearly see God's plan for your life"!