Help please :(
 

Ok, basically i don't know what to do, i am so ready to drop and i've even told a few of my sisters in the chapter that i basically did drop. i haven't been to anything really and tonight is court of ivy and i just can't go. i love alpha phi so much and what it stands for, and i think it's an awesome opportunity to meet girls all over the US, but my chapter is horrible. our exec. board dictates to us how we have to act and what we have to wear and basically tells us who to be. even though their time is almost up, i just can't see the chapter getting any better within hte next 2 years that i'm here (i'm a junior). also, i have to pay for dues myself, and they are really killing me as i have to pay for everything in my apt, cell phone, and car payments. i just don't know what to do, i can't drop it because it really does mean alot to me yet the people and hte money issue make me want to. i want to be able to become inactive or even see if i can be an alum but i don't know if that's possible. Please send your advice!!! I know that it sounds like I might as well just drop as i've been feeling htis way for about a year but it's just real hard because I don't want to throw alpha phi out for the rest of my life. maybe someone knows something i can do that nationals will allow. thank you all so much for listening and please send me your advice!

aoe

I was in a very similar situation about a year ago. We had two girls on exec with very negative attitudes who almost ruined Alpha Phi for me. Their negative attitudes permeated the entire chapter. Everyone had a bad attitude about Alpha Phi.

It took some time to realize that I wasn't alone. Many of the sisters felt the same way. So what happened was that I talked to them, and we agreed that things needed to be changed. I came back right during I-Week and told the sisters how upset I was about how I had been treated. I was welcomed back with open arms, sans those few negative girls. But at this point, everyone saw them for what they were, so it didn't matter anyway.

The only advice I can give you is to stand up to your exec if they're wronging you. If they're making you feel like you can't even be your own person, that's wrong. Wear whatever you want (within reason of course... no just wearing your letters and no undies and pants to class ;) ) and be your own person. What are they going to do, bring you up on Standards? If they do, talk to an advisor, and so up the chain. They aren't going to get away with crap like that.

Remember that as a junior, you do have quite a bit of power, as long as you are respected. The newest girls and your next batch of new girls will all look up to you because you're going to be a senior. You are their role model. Be a positive one.

Hi AphiCutie!

What school are you at? There is no such thing as going inactive in Alpha Phi. You can resign your membership or apply for associate status if you are in extreme financial need.

My best recommendation to you is to participate in your Chapter Assessment and Chapter Forum which should be either this week and next week or sometime really close to then. These two tools combine to give feedback to the chapter exec on what members are thinking. It may make you feel a lot better to share how you're feeling with the chapter as a whole.

If you feel that strongly about things you should also consider running for office. It is really easy to sit back and talk about how things should be done when you aren't the one in charge. Remember that your exec has attended regional conference and maybe even convention and even though you don't like what they are doing, they are probably trying to do things in the best interest of your chapter.

like the person above me said, there's no such thing as going inactive but you can go associate but i think you can only be associate for one semester.

Hi dear, last year I was a junior transfer and joined Alpha Phi. I was of the older girls and had a hard time deciding if being in a sorority was for me. Just like yourself, I support myself completely. I do everything on my own unlike most of my sisters. I completely understand that aspect. Because in one way, you feel as you might be seperated for the fact you dont get assistance from your family and second that it might be a waste of time, effort and funds if you arent getting everything out of Alpha Phi as you expected. Let me say this...in the year Ive been a member, there were a few occasions, sadly where I came to the same point you did. I wanted to drop because I didnt have my sole reason for being in Alpha Phi. I found through trial, error and discussion that Alpha Phi was only for me. And what I mean, is that I wasn't a member for anyone else but myself. That sounds selfish, but at the same time, I am a team player, I love my girls and leave my phone 27/7 for any of them to call for any reason. So overall, I chose Alpha Phi for my future, to help me grow, mature and get connected. Like the other girls have mentioned to you, stand up for yourself, your beliefs. Try not to count your chickens before they hatch. I would have regretted my decision...even if I had gone alum. Girl, only you know what you need to do. Talk to your chapter advisor and she what she has to say...or write her an email if you feel better that way.
Good luck darlin' and I hope things work out. Everything happens for a reason and what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger!!!!

response to moderator(Laura)
 

Hey I am active within the Delta Gamma Chapter in Colorado and I do not ever recall receiving Chapter Forum or assesments or anything like that to comment upon exec or anything. Could I get some more info please?

Since i am a ALum initiate i dont fully understand certain coll. things, but i do recall my friends and roomates in college saying in their GLO that you can opt to go alum status....can one do that while in college but still be an Alpha Phi????

I am considering taking the Alum status myself. Ive had a few conversations with our chapter advisor. Ive had to take a second and third look at where my priorities stand in reaction to the most unfortunate semester. From what I know from another sister going alum is that you have to be graduated from high school at least four years. That would make me eligible because I graduated in '97. Talk to your advisor and see what she says.

Also, with going associate it can only be for one semester, that is correct. And you should check and talk to your advisor soon because Im not sure if its with every chapter, but I know our Gamma Kappa chapter can only allow a certain amount per semester to go associate due to finances and member quota.

Something will work out for you, just have a game plan, a structure and goals in mind when making your decision! You'll be fine girl, one step at a time!!!!!!!

Don't Drop :(
 

Ok, I know it is a tough decision, but there are good things and bad things that come with everything in life. The difference and decision behind everything is whether the good outweighs the bad. This past fall semester has been my best semester with Alpha Phi by far. However last spring semester I was in your boat. I hated Alpha Phi on my campus or my chapter. While I still promoted Greek Life with a positive image, and held up to the ideals, values, and morals of Alpha Phi, I was not happy with how my chapter was operating. Many things were going on, and some people had exceptions being made while others had to suffer. I seriously wanted to drop, and I was incredibly depressed that everytime I walked into the house or a function my day just did a 180. I would start to cry and ask myself why I am sticking through it. I did not want to drop and I love Alpha Phi, so I decided the best option would be for me to go associate this semester. I was associate this past semester and will be active in the Spring again. I ended up attending every single event and participating in everything that even an active would not be required to be at. I missed 1.5 events total. I missed half of an event due to my pant's ripping, oooooooops! And the other event due to getting stuck with a friend in another town due to car trouble and stuff beyond our control. Needless to say I wanted to be there but sometimes you just can't help it. Because I was so involved this past semester, and went to all the Rush Events I had to purchase all the shirts which alone on top of my associate dues cost me more that active dues in the end especially when y add the cost of sisterhood and everything else added in. I also chose to run for a Panhellenic Exec position and I got it! I'm so excited to be Director of PR for Panhellenic this year! The only downside is that I have to be disaffiliated next fall :(. But I love my sisters and would not trade them or Alpha Phi for anything. Now we have a new exec and everyone has new positions in the house, I say give it a chance, and I probably would wait to go associate in the fall, because that is when it is more expensive, at least for our chapter. Stay active this spring, and don't forget that the spring is always less busy then the fall meaning you will have more time to yourself. Stick it out cause it will be well worth it in the end. AOE and Love Always, Nikki - email me if you need to talk more!

Re: response to moderator(Laura)
 

You don't comment on exec -- you evaluate the chapter as a whole. Check out the Officer Transition Manual in the "Alpha Phi Eyes Only" Section of the webpage.


In Alpha Phi you have to be a fifth year senior in order to get alumna status. It is not based on when you graduated from highschool. It is based on how long you have been in college on your campus. Otherwise there is no such thing.

Just looking for some info about associate membership and found this old post.

It is not clear about what obligations an associate member has to the collegiate chapter. Can anyone suggest some additional reading or anyone to contact at International or if anyone has gone through this, I would appreciate a PM.