Hugging During Rush - A No-No at Your School?
 

This is an offshoot of another thread where a poster expressed surprise that a sister of a UCLA sorority was photographed hugging a PNM at a pref party. Some replied that physical contact was allowed at their schools, some said that handshakes were okay, some said they were allowed to hug if the PNM initiated it, etc. So to avoid completely hijacking that thread, I thought I'd start this one :)

When I was at Pitt, we were definitely allowed to hug the PNMs but since that was so long ago that we actually called those girls "rushees", things might have changed since then!

Pitt's rules
 

This year, they started out by not being allowed to touch the girls in any way, shape or form- hugging, touching on the arm (like for pref or something), even SHAKING HANDS!!!!!!!!!!

When myself and some other alum did a mock rush with the newer members, one of the things we "tested" them on was whether or not they'd shake our hand.

Right before rush they changed the rules and said that a sister was allowed to shake a PNM's hand IF the PNM initiated it. Thank god someone had some common sense.....

BTW, the PNMs were going to be told about the rule, so they wouldn't think you were crazy if you didn't shake their hand.

I think it was my senior year, we were told that rush was hands off, as in no touching. Some rushees were uncomfortable with touching. It was hard because sometimes friends were rushing, and they would come in hugging or kissing the sisters. I personally think that no hugging is a good idea because it would avoid confusion on the part of the rushees. Some people don't like to be hugged.

At UGA we don't have formal rules about physical contact, but I remember my rush chair discouraging contact bc some girls are not "touchy-feely" and it could potentially scare them off. I do remember as a pnm cutting a chapter I had originally really liked (and invited back to the following round) bc I saw another pnm being hugged by her "hostess" sorority girl as if they were best friends. As someone who did not know many other girls already in sororities, it made me feel uncomfortable, like "Why was I not greeted like that? Do they not want me as much?" even though I can now understand that I probably read too far into the situation. You have to be careful not to give the girls the wrong impression or make them feel uncomfortable, at all costs.

There is absolutely no touching allowed up until Pref, and even then hugging and things like that aren't allowed. However, you won't be punished for accidentally touching someone or shaking a PNM's hand if she initiates it -- Panhel understands that things like that do happen.

While I think the "no touch" rule is unnatural in many ways, I can surely see how it happened. Too many women have hugged & sobbed on a PNM - especially during Pref - and it just makes a lot of people uncomfortable. But a handshake, or a touch on the shoulder? That's only good manners!

Yet again, a rule must be made because some people just don't know when to quit! :rolleyes:

::::::::::::::::::::shaking head::::::::::::::::::::::::

nope, not at muhlenberg. it has been that way for at least the last 9 years that i know of. we were told as rushees that sisters wouldn't be able to hug us EVEN if we were their biological sisters. i think if a pnm threw herself on a sister then no one would get upset, but they are told not to touch too! i definately think it is a good idea. what if you were really uncomfortable at a house and the sister starts hugging you? that would be scary!

I can tell you from the PNM's perspective it can hurt.

At a party, myself and another PNM were being shown the house by a sister. At the end, as we were leaving, the sister hugged the other PNM and just said goodbye to me. I felt kinda hurt but shrugged it off a few seconds later. I didn't take it personally at all.

In a sister's position I think I'd either hug everyone I talked to, or no one. Just to be equal.

At my school.. I dont think this has ever really been a problem or been addressed..

we have always been told to just see how the rushee feels.. people are very different on this.. if they are touchy person then fine, but if they are into their own space.. respect that..

what you would do in a normal conversation outside of rush anyways.. i wouldnt hug a random person thats just not me.. but i would shake their hand if i was just introduced to them..

Ditto! Well said, angelic1. Thank you. I'm too floored by this whole topic to voice my feelings again.

ditto

Hugging
 

In the South, hugging is just so essential to rush! We call it mushing and it happens at every round, not just at pref. In fact, we are so close to the girls when they enter the house and walk through the lines of members, they can barely move at all because we are just lovin on them so much. Girls don't seem to mind it really, and if they do at first, well they just get used to it in a jiffy and pretty soon they are all mushing back!

We have the no touch rule, unless the PNM initiates it. It mostly applies to the beginning of the week, by the end, the ladies are more comfortable, and causual touching, like patting an arm or something is allowed. We were all taugh to "push the bubble" when bringing a PNM into the House. Since we can't touch them to lead them anywhere, you put your hand behind their back on their "bubble" and push them in the directiony you need to go. Works every time. By pref, you can tell if it's ok for you to touch a PNM, but they pretty much still have to initiate hugs, or at the least, a mutual thing.

We all thought the rule was strange, but there are people out there who don't like to be touched by strangers, so this is the easiest way to fix that. People who want to touch will, so it all works out.

Re: Hugging
 

mushing? That is such a darlin' term for hugging. I know hugging makes some people uncomfortable. I remember, in high school, transferring from a Arizona school to a Texas School. In Arizona, no one touched unless it was a relative or someone you had not seen in awhile. Here in the south, everyone hugs everyone!! Even if you just saw each other or just met yesterday!! Southern gals love to hug and I eventually got used to it-took me about a month to adjust. :) :D