Opinions wanted!!!!!!
 

Ok, so I'm going nuts here. I don't know if I'm just too naive, or sweet, or nice or gutless..........Here's a brief summary.
LAST SPRING> Meet boy. Start talking to Boy. Start being friends with boy. Start liking boy. Talk more with boy. get to know boy. Boy starts dancing with me out of the middle of nowhere at a Phi Kapp Party (at this time, boy was a GDI). boy begins being flirtatious (cuddling, hugging, doing that THING that you boys do that drives me absolutely nuts (in a good way) where you stand behind us just close enough that we can sense you there, but you don't actually touch us......anyways.......i found out boy worked at boy scout camp during the summer and i worked at girl scout camp during the summer and so we weren't going to see each other (we weren't likely to anyways, being as he's an out of towner, but making it for certian that we wouldn't see each other). boy tells me how much he's going to miss me and asks for my camp address to write me. Boy leaves. Ims me immediatly when he sees me on (within 15 seconds)asking how i am and whats going on and how much he misses me.
SUMMER CAMP> I wrote him a letter, no return. I get home. He gets home. He ims me and tells me he can't wait to see me when he gets back to town.
THIS FALL> sees me the day he gets back, grins ear to ear, hugs me so tight i think i'm going to die. Snuggle. Cuddle. Arms around my waist from the back, snuggle into my neck, rocks me back and forth, hand holding (occasionally) Major standing behind--possessive body language.
************INSERT COMPLICATIONS******************
Last spring, we were talking, he said he really liked me but he wanted to take a year off from being in relationships so that he could have some him time. It'd be different if he was macking on other chicks and telling me he wanted to be alone. He macks on no other girls. I told him that i liked him. He apologized, said he couldn't do anything then. He came back from this summer, I was kind of curious if said year was over. I find out his ex tried to kill herself this summer while he was at camp and he felt bad because he thinks had he been there, he could have tried to stop her. Still says he can't be with anyone right now
**********RETURN TO THIS SPRING*************
I tell him we can't snuggle and cuddle and do that kind of things if he's not ready because it's confusing me. He says he understands. We stop for a week. He's back at it. He makes jokes about "spending some quality time alone together" I study sign and have taught him some and he had a deaf kid this summer at camp, so he learned some, so usually he signs it to me and grins. He tells my mom (when im on the phone with her) how beautiful I am and i said a friend of mine was so awesome and he says "if she's anything like you..." He gets a bid to SPE (which is awesome, because I love those guys...i've not met a SPE that I've not liked) He really wanted a bid and I was so excited for him when i heard. I waited on him to tell me (my Best friend is dating a brother and so that's how i heard after he got his bid) but he didnt mention anything for like 4 days. He finally did, i asked him what took him so long to tell me, he said he wanted it to be a suprise ::raises an eyebrow::
SO I'M really confused and I really REALLY like him and yeah. All of our friends have noticed the tension (even his roommate, and that says a lot, his roommates not so quick;-D )
Would I be too pushy to say something again? I mean he could be feeling really guilty about the ex, but he's sending out a LOT of mixed signals. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
greek love and mine
Mandie

give it up to him, but dont force him to be in a relationship. that is the best option.

You need to let him know how you feel and what you want. You also need to tell him to be straight with you. If he wants a friend, great, but then have a friend type relationship. If he wants more, then he needs to get his head straight and go forward. If he is not capable of this, they you need to move on.
Just my opinion!!
Good Luck!

Doesn't hurt to ask him again. If he keeps on putting off the relationship he may be tring to get the good stuff without any comitment which maybe not what you want.

Ask him again. If certain things "confuse" you about the relationship then put a stop to them. Don't expect him to stop if you keep allowing whatever those things may be. It's up to you to send a clear message to him. No is no!

My advice...either define the situation with a talk or stop it cuz you'll only get hurt.

Well if you read my signature - you know where I sand. You should definitely say something, but don't make it an intense conversation. Try to bring it up casually. All of the signs are there and if he's not ready then he is leading you on BIG TIME and that is just NOT RIGHT and you shouldn't stand for it.

Thanks guys,
I talked to his roommate about the whole thing tonight, because his roommate mentioned something to me about the on again off again flirtatiousness and we must have talked for a good hour.....he had some good insight and told me that he's going to be out of the room for 4 hours tomorrow night and i should come over and talk to the boy. :-) Maybe I will, maybe I will....

Good luck!

Have you seen the movie "With Honors"
I am all for the scene where he walks up to his best female friend and she says "what are you doing" and he says "ending our friendship" and they get mad passionate
-sigh- alas, I say talk to him. He is giving you all the flirty signs, but has some emotional baggage and may feel it is a little hard to deal with a relationship now. That being said you may want to show him how much you will be there to support him and how happy he makes you.
Just my $.02

It sounds to me this guy is a decent human being. Which I think is really really hard to find. I also think it sounds like he is having some internal turnoil that he needs to figure out himself. No one, not even you can help him figure it out. He needs to figure it out on his own.

My advice is to give him space but still be his friend IF you want to be his friend. Have clear and concise boundaries of what you are willing to put up with, etc and what you are not. Be careful to NOT set a prescedent of allowing him to take a step just this one time if you think just this one time will be a regular thing (I hope that makes sense).

And, most importantly, live your life. If that means dating another guy, if you meet someone you like, go out with him. DO NOT stop and wait around for this guy.

It really sounds like it's not meant to be right now and you can not put your life on hold to figure it out. He said he's not ready, so he's not ready. period. His actions, his best friend etc may tell you the opposite but hes telling you he's not ready so he's not ready.

INMO, in the beginning relationships should be all about fun and easy breazy stuff and you are having the exact opposite so right now you need to find someone who is emotionally ready to be with you the way you want to be with. It's ok if he's not ready, still feels guilt about his ex, that's fine but you need to take care of you.

I just want to thank you all for taking the time out to help me with this, it's great getting unbiased opinions on the situation. My sisters and my friends around here know both of us and sometimes I think their advice hinges on the fact that they want to see us together, so they think along those lines.....But I really do appreciate the time you guys are taking to help me out...I think I'm going to try to take it easy and lay low for a bit and see what happens....I mean, just see how the next couple of weeks go.....he's a reallly great guy and I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to be in something just because we feel like we have to be.....yeah, you know what i mean. Hey! I've got a pic of us if anyone wants to check it :-)
Greek Love and Mine,
mandie

Be his girlfriend. Don't force him in the relationship but do girlfriendy type stuff. Like, kiss his neck or cuddle up next to him. He cuddles with you that= you should cuddle with him. NOt in public maybe but when are just hanging out nestle next to him. Not before your talk. But right after if ends well.

God, some of you are cynical . . .

Anyway, maybe the kid's just confused, or worried about getting hurt again - it sounds like he's been ripped up a little bit in the past, and emotional scarring tends to become an aegis that prevents 'taking chances.'

He's definitely interested in you - look at the time frame that this has occured over, if nothing else. You're not the problem - he is, or more specifically, his memories and associations with past events. I understand how some here are worried about you getting hurt, or getting played out - but that's all that is concerning him, I guarantee.

If you really want to do this, it's going to have to either come in baby steps, or completely overwhelm him. It sounds like the baby steps are working so far, so you need to think long and hard about what you want out of this deal, then you can decide a course of action.

Confronting him, and thus making him show his hand, might not be the best way to get in with someone who is being protective of his feelings.

I think, in a lot of ways, what's being ignored here is that, apparently, this guy's been through the crap and back. Just as you don't want to get hurt, neither does he, and keep that in mind - he's not being a dick about all of this, at least if what you say about hooking up w/ other girls and etc is true, he's just trying to cover his bases.

Just like you are.

I'd say talk about it, but not in the way you're probably thinking - just bring a movie over to his place, start watching it, and when the 'cuddling' or whatever starts, start to talk about how much you enjoy this, and etc. See where it goes from there - chances are, you wind up talking about how you both want to do it more, then you make out, and the deal is, shall we say, sealed.

Of course . . . all we can see is what you show us, so this might also be completely off-base - but it's probably worth a shot.

I think I've just kind of decided that I'm going to continue whats happening with him, but try to keep the emotional investment out of it and just have fun. I'm going to stop trying to read into what he's doing and just take them at face value. I mean, it's not like there's anyone else in my life that would be upset if I spent time with him and cuddled with him, so on the occasions that I DO spend time with him, i'm going to keep it just as "we'll see what happens". If another guy comes along, I'll see what happens....I'm not going to hold my life off for him to figure out what he wants, but if through the course of friendship he decides he wants more, well, hopefully I'm not gone by then. because I won't wait and turn down any offers that come my way.