Dallas Traffic
 

texas*princess's post in random made me think of this email I received a while back. If you are ever in Dallas, I am the gal in the SUV. ;)

Life in America's fifth largest city:

You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS, depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray.

There is no such thing as "dangerous high-speed chase" in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline" ...which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to three when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. However, do not count to four or higher unless you want to get rear-ended from the gal behind you in a SUV.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We have had so much fun with that, that we have added George H. Bush Tollway (aka 190) and Jupiter Road to the mix. (and now the "High Five" 635@75 mixaster)

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!!"

If someone actually has their "turn signal" on, it's probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes always have the right of way. They come from old money and could probably buy and sell you anyway.

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. (These are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Boulevard, cross NW Hwy and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it's briefly Greenville Avenue, then Avenue K, and Highway 5.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.

It IS possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST highway. Don't let this confuse you.

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.
LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap".

If it's only 100 degrees, Halloween must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show must be going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round if it is Spring; or it is the Texas State Fair if it is Fall.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

If you need to ask for directions, get ALL the names of the street you are being told to turn onto...we intermix numbers, letters, names for the same roads.

If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.

Observe all school-zone speed limits. Cops here have mirrors on both sides of their sunglasses.

Funny, you just described Houston traffic too.

:D

Adrienne
:D

OMG... that is soooooo scary how all of those are TRUE!!!!

hehehe

thanks for posting this.. I'm definately sending it to my parents back home who don't understand it when I talk about the insane road rules around here!

I found another version of Kristen AGD's dallas info! I just copy/pasted the ones that were slightly different or not in the original list...

Visitor's Guide to Dallas, Texas

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."


12. If asking directions east of downtown, you must have a working knowledge of Spanish.

13. Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport has six terminal buildings connected by one tram that never works.

14. A trip across town will take a minimum of four hours. Pack a lunch.

15. Don't carry money, jewelry, family, etc., on Martin Luther King Blvd. And keep all doors locked at all times.

16. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.

17. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading."

18. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70...people are not waving when they go by.

20. Any section of Dallas above IH-635 is considered too far and too close to Oklahoma to be driving.

21. Plano and Flower Mound are not real cities, they were produced and brought to you by the nice people at Disney for pure entertainment of house wives.

Speaking of north and south of the LBJ freeway... [slight hijack]

I have a love/hate thing about being called a "972 girl". This is how some men in town reference girls whose phone numbers begin with the area code 972. And 214 being mostly downtown Dallas. With 972 being North Dallas, Plano & the rest of the burbs.

Does this mean I am a little classier? Or does this mean I am not much fun, and live too far out to be a viable dating option? :confused:

Any other Dallas folks encounter this?

You'd have a ready market for SUVs if you marketed them as 'UAVs' - Urban Assault Vehicles! The minimum requirements for a UAV:

• it's gotta sit at least 4' off the ground with run-flat bulletproof tires
• 20mm 6-barrel Vulcan Cannon (there goes the extra seating space) with depleted uranium armor piercing ammo. Extra bonus if you install it in a turret! :)
• hardened steel ram bumpers front and back
• bulletproof glass and armor plating with firing slits
• hood ornament shaped like a gunsight (or better yet, a head-up display)
• storage space for mines, tacks, etc.

Did I forget the cupholders? :D

? i've never heard of the whole "972 girl" thing?:confused:

I've never heard of this either. :confused:

First thing I ever heard of it... probably much like the the epithet thrown by Manhattanites to the other four boroughs -- "the bridge and tunnel crowd". My guess being it refers to a 'suburbanite' -- too far out of the downtown Dallas crowd.

Mesquite to Forney is 972 as well
i always get turned around though
i think i'm going south but really i'm going north

another one that should be added. . .the shopping malls that are about 5 to 10 miles apart. . .northpark-town east-galleria

How's this for scary?

When I was a freshman, I was a student at SMU (this is before I transferred to UofH). One day in band (the band their hazes like nothing you'd believe) they made us freshmen all pile in the bed of a pickup truck and they drove us down Central Expressway to go visit an alum.

I still to this day cannot BELIEVE that I was willing to do that! It is dangerous enough WITH a seatbelt! Nevermind how deadly it is to be todding about in the bed of a truck!:eek:

i dislike smu
people trying to hard
my friend was a sigma chi and his girlfriend was a tri-delt
and i would always make fun of her
because it always seemed like she was acting
of course when they broke up, she ignored him at every function
and he called her 'uni' hinting to a flaw she had

Damn..

I'm possibly moving to Ft. Worth soon.. So would ya'll recommend that I buy a Sherman to take to work?

AGREED
 

Yep, agreed while living in Denton for 2 years every time I traveled to Dallas I always felt like I wasn't possibly coming back. Very Fast and Dangerous, but people who live there are really casual about the whole thing. Now driving from Denton to Dallas and going through Lewisville was always pretty scenic to me. I kinda liked driving through flower mound since I used to work there.