so now I'm being stalked on GreekChat?
 

Two months ago my boyfriend of 11 months absolutely snapped on me -- went nuts, crazy, screaming about how I was cheating on him with a guy at my work, a girl at my work, another guy at my work... none of which, of course, was true.

I broke up with him -- it'd been coming for awhile anyway -- and figured that was that.

Only it wasn't! Now he's calling me 7 and 8 times a night, e-mailing me dirty messages, and trolling GreekChat for my messages (and sending them to me as "proof" of my cheating. In the highs & lows forum I mention seeing a guy I'd had a crush on -- CLEAR proof that I cheated on the boyfriend months and months ago, right?)

So now I don't know what to do. I (think) he's done stalking me via GC -- I told him I was blocking his e-mail address, his IM name, and if he called my cell again I'd have my dad pick up. (The only benefit of moving back home at 22!) But this kid is obviously psycho and I don't know how else to deal with it -- we broke up months ago and the last couple days he's been back at it full force!

Any advice?

Um...restraining order?? :eek: Seriously though, this guy seems to be on the path of taking this to the extreme, if you are starting to feel unsafe, you need to start a paper trail. How is a piece of paper going to protect you? It's not, but a paper trail can ultimately make him accountable for his actions in the long run.

Do you have any mutual friends, could one of them try to calm him down? He seems to be on an emotional high, and may need someone to talk him down from it, otherwise he may not think clearly and take things to the next level.

Restraining order. Go by the nearest branch of the police department and let them know what is going on. Even without a restraining order, if they are aware of the situation, they can keep an eye/ear out for trouble concerning you.

Once again, restraining order. Then if he tries to contact you, you can have him picked up. That sometimes works to scare the bejesus out of an emotionally charged stalker, and he calms down.

I have been there. It's not fun dealing with a an ex-turned-stalker, or lawyers, or policemen in order to get your privacy and peace of mind back. But neither is having someone trying to make you miserable or break your arm in a parking lot. Get him to stop NOW, before it goes any further. Keep the paper trail as evidence of what if happening. Show a pattern. If it is escalating, be able to show and convince someone that it is.

Re: Re: so now I'm being stalked on GreekChat?
 

uuuuuh.....

Having a mental imbalance in your brain qualifies as a mental illness--a genetic/psychological/physical condition that no one else can cause. A woman dumping a man (or vice-versa) does not cause mental illness.

Just clearing that one up.:rolleyes:

Stalker
 

1) As other posters suggested, you should contact your local law enforcement agency. ASAP. Re restraining order/similar.

2) Keep a log of all attempts to contact/harass you in case it needs to be later shown to police/courts/attorney.

3) If he contacts you online again: tell him in straight forward terms, "Leave me alone, stop harassing me. Do not contact me again." Then block the email/IM address if possible. Do NOT reply or respond to comments to or about you online - it will only encourage it. Use something like the above phrase & block.

4) Don't put up with it for 2-3 months. Puhleese! Likewise, do not get into dialogue with him, the whole power play aspect of harassment means it's a good thing for him if he sees he's having an effect on you.

5) As other posters suggested, you should contact your local law enforcement agency. ASAP. Re restraining order/similar.

Just for the record, I didn't do anything to this guy except break up with him.

I certainly didn't cheat on him. Not sure if he actually thinks I cheated on him, because it occured to me that if a guy cheated on *me*, the last thing I'd do is try to keep in contact with him.

His e-mails and phone messages are really.... inflammatory. Do I continue to allow him to leave messages? I'd started picking up & hanging up when he called -- just so I woudln't have to hear the awful messages. Is that egging him on?

I did, though, block his e-mail and his IM. I'm kind of at a loss... he's in another city about 90 mi from me, so I don't think I'm actually at risk, it's more of just a harassment issue. I'm pretty good at keeping personal stuff personal, but people at my work are starting to ask me what's wrong, and it's affecting my new relationship because I'm so anxious all the time.

breathesgelatin -- thank you.

Whether you're at risk physically or "just" emotionally
"... people at my work are starting to ask me what's wrong...
affecting my new relationship ... I'm so anxious all the time." doesn't mean you have to put up with his crap. Still, your choice.

I feel like a Hallmark After School Special.

Thanks, y'all, I appreciate you guys caring enough to throw in your $0.02.

::steps on to her mental health soapbox::
No one, and I mean NO ONE, can cause someone to have a "chemical imbalance". No one can make another person go 'mental' unless the predisposition is already "in place". The belief that people "dish out isht" and that makes someone go crazy to the point of being a danger to others is complete bullisht and has no place in intelligent society. Wait, then, nevermind :rolleyes:

::steps off::

Now, HotDamn, back to you. :) You seriously need to get a restraining order. I have been stalked before, and in most cases that's what it takes. Also, check with your phone service provider. It's usually quite easy to have numbers blocked. If this still doesn't work (and I hate to say this!) but you might consider changing your number. And regardless of what some might say or what you even may be feeling you did not bring this on. This person is unstable and you need to get help from people who are trained to deal with this. I hope everything works out for you!

Ummmm.... no matter what someone does (this is in reference to UFPike, I mean Svierge, saying that we've only heard one side of the story) there is no justifiable reason for STALKING them and harassing like this.

I'd like to see that argument hold up in the court of law- Your Honor, I can't help it that i'm stalking and harassing her, she did something to me mentally that makes me lose all self control and reason."

While breakups are emotional experiences, there is no justification for stalking, etc.

I agree with swissmiss...this guy's behavior is not your fault. I don't care if he has some sort of chemical imbalance that's making him act like this, you, HotDamnImAPhiMu, are not responsible for it. I've only had one ex turn "stalker" on me, but I know exactly how you feel and it isn't a lot of fun. This guy was not "normal," per se; he had emotional problems, which I had nothing to do with but I guess I made them sort of snap when I broke up with him. Luckily I did not have to end up getting a restraining order, but if this has been going on a while and shows no signs of stopping, please consider it. Just for your peace of mind, if nothing else.

sweetie, definitely look into a restraining order. His behavior is inappropriate and totally uncalled for, an is putting you under unnessecary (yes I cant spell) distress. I hope everything works out!

ot
 

To respond to a couple of people in this thread... despite what you think you know, based on hearsay this or v. scant evidence that, it isn't really appropriate to go throwing allegations about in such a situation.

jax,

i don't know if you will be able to get a restraining order. you can check with your local police station about what has to happen. it is not like stopping by the grocery store and picking one up. definately keep track of his calls. do not delete the numbers from your caller id. on your cell phone, you may not be able to do that. definately contact your cell phone and telephone service provider. they can put a block on the number or they can track the calls for you so that you will be able to press charges for harrassment. you might consider turning off your voice mail for a while. this way you don't have to deal with all of the messages.

this happened to me once too. luckily, it didn't last for too long. the guy ran into my younger brother one day and was asking what i was doing, where i was, etc. my brother was aware of what he was doing and told him that if he ever contacted me again, that he would beat the shit out of him! he never called again! lol.

good luck!