Are We Losing Our Sanity
 

Here is a question that has been on my mind.

If this situation hits too close to home, please don't be offended.

Lately I have been noticing that the women I know have been having the worst men problems. But the biggest problem of all is that they do not know or don't care that they are being treated like trash. There is this girl that I work with and she believes that the guy that she is with is going to leave his wife for her. That has been going on for 4 years.

Then there is one girl whose husband just got out of jail, and now she is pregnant, sh dropped out of school. And they have practically no place to live. She has been with the worst type of men since I've known her.

And last but not least there is a girl who has a baby with a guy for has 2 other women pregnant, he gave one of them herpes. And the list goes on. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif

Not to be long-winded, but what is going on out there, that some women are letting men treat them like dirt, and they women still claim to love them and want to be with them.

LET ME KNOW WHAT'S UP http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif

My best friend went through the same problem. She was seeing a guy who was ENGAGED to be married in 6 months http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif And no matter how much I talked to her, she did not listen. Nevertheless, he married his fiance, and on top of that, this man treated her like dirt.

As women, it is essential to have self-respect for ourselves (and each other). If we don't have dignity for ourselves, should we expect men to treat us with respect?
I can understand that this may be hard for some, but in truth, if your man isn't treating you like the Queen you need to be treated like, he is not worth the trouble.
My friend went through emotional and physical toils trying to deal with her "true love", and it hurts me to see her go through that pain.

Life is difficult enough as it is, no one needs a sorry behind dragging them down. Ladies, always be positive.

I have to agree with you all. I have friends who are going through the same things. I believe that most of the problem is that as black women we dwell so much on this alleged "man shortage" and therefore render ourselves desperate. It is a shame but it is true. Many single women are desperate. They feel as if they can not properly function without a man figure in their lives. It does not matter to them that he treats them less than to be desired, they just need to have a man there. It is really sad. I thank my mom and dad on many ocassions for teaching me to values myself, and know that I deserve nothing less than the best. I just wish that I could impart that type of self-love to my friends.

[This message has been edited by mizzkes (edited August 12, 2000).]

Well, Sorors and Sisterfriends,

I must admit, I've been made a fool of many a day, actually, quite recently. I was so in love that I just overlooked all his doggish ways. I definitely agree that it is a matter of a lack of self-love, which I am working on daily. I am still grieving a very recent situation (like a five year realtionship that ended 2 weeks ago), but now when I look back, I know I'm better off without him. But, at the time, he was all I lived for. I was forced into accepting the obvious and now I have a long road ahead of me. Although I often balk at others who I deem "brain-dead" for dealing with such losers, I've been there and I know the heartache that entails. Let's be sensitive to each others shortcomings and be there for each other when we need it. I know I've been stupid, and I'm sure we all have at some point. Let's remember that when it comes to evaluating our friends' situations.



[This message has been edited by SkeeBunny (edited August 13, 2000).]

Skeebunny,
I'm sorry to hear about your recent break up. But girl, you will never be alone! First and foremost, God will ALWAYS be with you. No matter where you go or who you are with, He will be there to guide you, love you and be your friend. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Second, you know that you can always count on family, friends and sorors to be there for you when you need someone to talk to or just listen to you. And last, you have all of us here at Greekchat to help keep you company too! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif So don't think of your long road as lonely cuz it's far from that!
Also, it wasn't anyone's intention to remind of you the things that have occurred in your past. I know for me, I've definitely been in some relationships that made me act like a complete fool! But whereas some people learn from them and try not to do it over, there are others (like my girl I mentioned above) who just can't seem to get around brothers that treat them like crap. It seems like some women just keep falling for the bulls*** over and over again. So all I can say is that despite our mistakes (and we all make them) we all just need to be careful when we get involved w/ men who might resemble bad past relationships. I hope this makes sense and again, we're all here for you if need to talk and sorry if we made you feel bad http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Much love everyone.


[This message has been edited by ZChi4Life (edited August 13, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by ZChi4Life (edited August 13, 2000).]

Man, does this topic remind me too much of my friend. Do any of ya'll have a friend that no matter what, she just always seems to choose the wrong guys? My friend attracts Mr. Wrong like a light attracts mosquitoes! And no matter how much I tell her about this, she does not wanna listen! I've known her for 3 and 1/2 years and ever since then she always seems to go out w/ guys that just dog her.
For instance, her last man totally took advantage of her. This guy was so terrible! The ultimate thing he did (besides standing her up numerous times, not returning her phone calls, yelling/arguing at/with her for no reason when he was having a bad day) was he stood my friend up for New Year's and do you know what his excuse was? He lied to her and told her that his mother died!!! My friend told me this and I was shocked like "Oh no! That's awful..poor guy, etc" right? Later after they broke up, she called his house for some reason and guess who picks up? Yep, his VERY alive mother! I tell ya, what is the deal people! Then even later on, my friend found out that this dude was cheating on her which I just knew all along. That was the reason he stood her up for New Year's.
But this wasn't the first time she's been w/ a guy that cheated on her, so it's like she just attracts these type of guys. I don't get it. She's also one of those people who "falls in love" really quickly. She'll be dating a guy for like 2 months and say to me "oh so and so told me he loved me and I love him too". Maybe it's possible to love someone but the way she acts, it seems like she's IN love. All her relationships are like that. As soon as the guy tells her he loves her (which seems to always occur after 2-3 months), she's like head over heels. Then, BAM, the dude starts treating her like crap! Boy, I just don't understand it! Sorry to go on so long!

ZChi,

This topic didn't bother me at all. I actually think it's pretty interesting. I just know how it is when a friend is going through a bad situation with a man, and because you love your friend and your loyalty is to her and not the man, it is easy to feel she is acting stupid and deserves better. I can look at some of my friends and shake my head in disapproval when I know I probably went through a similar situation in which she was shaking her head at me. I've just learned not to be judgmental and to allow them to learn on their own through these situations. I will always be there as a friend and hope that she doesn't keep dealing with the nonsense.

Also, I know that with God on my side, I can get through anything. Believe me, if it weren't for my fatih, my family, friends and sorors, a sista would be out there bad. I'm actually quite fine. For some reason, I just felt the need to vent a little.

SkeeBunny, girl vent all you want!!

I feel ya. Well do yo thang girl! Vent until your heart is content http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Life is all about learning, and occasionally we all make bad choices, but what's most important is that we learn from our mistakes.
Keep praying and know that God's on your side http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Hello Ladies:

I want to say that a lot of women that I know have been in some SHADY relationships with men (me included). I think what is essential , as you grow (which can often be a painful experience) is to realize that we attract what we essentially are.

I had a friend who always dated men who were unavailable to her (either physically, emotionally, financially, something). When she began to reflect she realized that she was really unavailable herself. It was easier to date men who wouldn't really want a relationship and the TRUE prospect of one of them getting serious scared her (although she acted like that's what she wanted). She was in grad school, financially dependent on her parents, etc. so marriage wasn't even really "available" for her to take interest in. So, she attracted men who were unavailable as well by weeding out the potential, nice, financially stable, forthright brothahs and "hooking up" with the more rough neck types who were easy for her to be around because they never questioned her goals/objectives in life, etc., etc.

Am I making sense?

Women need to take time to be alone and find out what we REALLY want in a man and out of life. Until we do, we will find ourselves dating losers JUST because they were there and we were there and why not?

The book The Artist's Way is excellent for "finding" yourself and finding creative energies that most of us lose sight of following after these crazy men. Even if you are in a BOMB relationship, quiet time with yourself is essential to the soul.

I am rambling...I hate when I do that.

PEACE

I believe, for many women, whether pretty or ugly, educated or not, it boils down to having low self esteem. They don't believe/know they deserve better. Many of these women do not/have never had the positive reinforcements needed to leave/avoid these types of relationships. Their low self worth is very apparent to men, who then take advantage of the situation. On the other hand, there are those of us who simply have bad judgement in men. We're human, thus we're entitled to mistakes...and mistakes are how we learn. Granted some of us learn the first time, but most have to be knocked down to really see the light. We have to go through the same things over and over until we get the lesson that God is trying to teach us. It's all a part of growing.