Another Etiquette question
 

Hello,

After the great advice offered on belated wedding gift thank you notes I though I'd ask about a issue I was wondering about.

Here's the deal: A friend of mine's priest (pastor whatever) asked him out to dinner, he politely evaded the offer. The friend's gay with a bf btw. (I'm not, so fear not GC hotties ;) ). Anyway, the whole thing seemed to this friend as looking like a closer relationship than he wanted to have with his priest. :) He rang this friend the other week while he was on hols and again last week and he asked him for dinner again, he went, 'err err I, I er don't know". And the Priest said "well, get back to me".

Personally I find the whole thing pretty funny but the etiquette question is that my friend was thinking of dropping a polite letter through his door, saying either "phone me again and I'm telling Jesus" or "thank you for your kind offer, but as my priest i'd rather keep our relationship as that".
There's got to be a polite way of dissuading his charms (my friend is getting the distinct impression the priest is uhm, taking a ... special interest in this one member of the congregation) by letter without souring the whole appropriate priest relationship thing as I guess he doesn't want to switch churches.

- Decadence.

Please don't quote me as I can't delete your quoted text

You mentioned that you're friend has a bf. I would suggest your friend tell his pastor that he already has a significant other and the offer caught him off-guard...that he'd rather keep their church relationship solely as that.

I see what you're saying, also thank you for replying. Just to clarify though the pastor in inviting my friend over to dinner may just be lonely or something; i.e it seems a little 'too friendly' but that may be reading too much in (though either way my friend feels uncomfortable with the idea). So if he says he already has a significant other - thus implying the pastor's offer suggested they get together as more than pastor+churchgoer, if that turns out to not be the case then it may be awkward for my friend whenever he sees him :).

Suggest to your friend that he try this: He and his bf should host a dinner party, perhaps with other people from the church or perhaps just with other people who might enjoy each other's company, and invite the pastor. That way, it will be clear to the pastor that your friend is in a relationship without him having to come out (no pun intended) and say it, your friend can still show friendship to his pastor, and if he is just lonely, it might help.

Excellent idea, MysticCat.

To complicate the problem a bit :)... He is 'out' but not to the pastor nor does he want to be (even if the pastor does quite likely already know) as he doesn't want some people to necessarily know some things.

So looks like some sort of letter is way to go but not alluding to his (either of them :) ) orientation.

No, no, he should not tell the preacher that he is taken. Instead, his response should just be, "No." When you tell someone you have a significant other, it just makes him/her want you more! But if they know you're not interested, period, and wouldn't be even if you were single as could be, they leave you alone. That's how it's worked in my experience at least.

Got it. Thank you AchtungBaby80. Any further suggestions on how to do that in writing - via a brief but polite letter?

A polite "No thank you" should do the job.