You've Got It Twisted If. . .
 

Got this off of EURWEB.com

Somebody's got to telI it. And since I'm Deya Direct I'm going to list it, if it applies to you, then you got it Twisted ...

On Entertainment - If you think to be a successful rapper you have to have an actual rap sheet, then you've got it twisted.

On Style - If you think having gold teeth in your mouth and a ring on every other finger is a sign of class, success and money, then you've got it twisted.

On Health - If you walked to the refrigerator today and called that exercise, then you fatty patty got it twisted.

On Hair - If your roots are black and thick and your weave is blonde and straight then, baby girl or boy (whichever applies) you've got it twisted.

On Responsibility- If you believe that having a new truck is more important than having your own place, a job and good credit, then you boo, boo the fool, got it twisted.

On Spirituality- If your coming out of the grocery store and a man tells you that he's hungry and your response is, I'll pray for you brother, then you saved and sanctified, got it twisted.

On Accountability- If your always complaining about the lack of after-school programs and lack of quality books in public schools and you as a parent never volunteer at school or vote for your school officers, then you've really got it twisted.

On Community - If you're upset about how dirty your neighborhood is but you litter on your block, then you've got it twisted.

On Integrity- If you back-stab others and are vindictive and think that you'll have lasting success in life, then you've got it twisted

On Language - If ebonics is your first language and you want to host a talk show, then you my fizzle nizzle got it twisted.

On Life- If you keep doing the same things over and over again but you expect a different result than you what you've been getting, then you've got it twisted.

CT4's contribution
 

On the Use of your and you're: If you are a published writer and still interchange YOUR and YOU'RE, then you dear heart have it extremely twisted. :eek: :p

On the Appearance of folks on Maury's paternity shows: If you appear on a show as ONE of more than 3 men being tested for paternity and you repeatedly call the woman a hoe, you have got it twisted. :rolleyes: :confused:

On the Appearance of folks on Maury's Paternity Shows: If you swear that you have never, ever, ever, in your life, slept with anyone but Damone, and he turns out not to be your baby's father, then you Sleep Around Sally got it twisted

On Fashion: If you think it is ever acceptable to wear slippers outside of your front door, you've got it twisted

On Interior Design: If you think throwing a bed sheet over your old busted couch makes it look any better, you've got it twisted

On Personal Hygiene: If you think putting on deodorant and cologne (known as dry cleaning) is an acceptable replacement for bathing, you got it twisted

Sleep Around Shaniqua too

oh and the twins: Hoesha and Sluteesha. :p

If you think of calling any decent lady at 2am will get you some bootay, um...boo, you got it twisted!

If you think you have to smother your man in public to show the world that he's yours, um...boo, you got it twisted!

If you think I'm sorry will right your wrong, um...boo, you got it twisted!

If you think it's okay to be the "other" woman, um...boo, you got it twisted!

If you think it's okay to wear open toe sandals, when you know you need a pedicure, um...boo, you got it twisted!

If these little kids on Oprah think that they can get away with beating people and throwing doodoo on them and its ok and just a simple prank and its really just the parents fault for not being around, Um, like Ok, for sure dude...YOU GOT IT TWISTED!!!!!

If you think that having a bunch of half nekked chicks in your video and you're all over them and you rap/sing about Cristal, drugs, bling, and cars, and YOU'RE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN OR YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, then bruh man, ace, cuz, son, dawg, whoadie...YOU GOT IT TWISTED!!!

If you think buying or for that matter having even DESIGNED thong and bikini underwear for little girls (I saw some bikini's for a friggin 4T (my 2 YEAR OLD is a 3T!!!! for an age reference) makes your little princess cute, hip, modern, stylish, and happening, seek psychological help, go to PETAFILES ANNONYMOUS, cuz...YOU GOT IT TWISTED!!!!!

If you think that being a single digit size is being FAT, go eat a biscuit and some sausage cuz...YOU GOT IT TWISTED!!!! LOL

If you think your org is better than somebody elses because of your foundingdatenumberoffounderscolorsmascotnumberofme mberskindofprojects and you down others for no reason when we're all in the same game, frat, bruh, soror, sisterfriend, YOU GOT IT TWISTED!!!!

If you think I'm gonna sit here and type these all day, YOU GOT IT TWISTED!!!! LOL ;) :p :D

If you think you can talk about me one minute, but try to be my friend when no one else is looking, then FAKER, you've got it TWISTED.

If you think that after 2 years, I still want your azz, you need to call Dr. Phil because boo you have got ME twisted.

If you think you are any type of friend of mine, but want to knock me when I am down, then boo you have got the friendship game all twisted.

If you bring your S.O. on a talk show for a lie detector test to 'finally' prove that they are cheating when you ALREADY had proof...you got it twisted.

If you bring your S.O. on a talk show crying about how much you love him/her and upon finding out that they are cheating say, "Well, i was sleeping with your brother/cousin/daddy anyway...", you my stupid-arse friend, have it twisted.

If you think that just because I am on the clock that you can get nasty with me, and I won't reciprocate...you Ms. BettyBadAzz, have me twisted.

If you think that it's cute that your two-year old talks back and curses you...you and your baby got it twisted.

If you think that you can sleep around and never have it catch up with you...you Mr. Itchy and Ms. Scratchy, have it twisted. (and if you think I am about to use that pen after you sign in...you definitely have it twisted..."Nah padna...I got one right here)

If you, Ja-Rule, think that you can come back after that 50cent, Eminem, and Busta Rhymes song...you wanksta, have it twisted.

If you think burping & chewing with your mouth open is lady like, then you Ms. Oh nasty one got it twisted!

If you think standing over me watching me type is going to get the document to you faster, then you Mr./Ms. Mind your business got it twisted.

If you think you can disrespect Sororities and Fraternites and then turn around and say you want to pledge XYZ is going to help you, then you Ms./Mr. Need to do your research, got it twisted.

If you think leaving your home in your pajamas to go to the store and you are NOT on a Campus and the store is 6 blocks away, you Mr./Ms. Sleepy one got it twisted.

If you think that because I have no children that I should always have money and give you some, oh no Ms./Mr. Broke One, you definitely got it twisted!!!

:p

Work
 

If you think that just because it is mad busy and you want to mandate 30 minute lunches (:cool:=overtime:D) but tell me I cannot leave my seat unless I am on a break, then you MASSA have got it extremely twisted. :mad:

If you have a flabby A$$ and you do not work out regular but you like to wear thongs and G-strings. Gross! cellulite Celeste- You got it twisted.

Yes, I STILL LOVE YOU but School is back in session and:
 

Sister - If you have a habit of getting your pay check one day, being broke the next and thinking I'm always going to save your nonbudgeting Rasse, Ms. Shop-a-Holic, You Got it TWISTED!

Sisterfriend - If you think that because I have made mistakes during this process, I won't bounce back and continue on my quest, then Try Again, You Got it TWISTED!

Best Friend - You may be my best friend and the whole nine, but if you think I am letting you cheat off of me this semester, knowing that last semester you got a better grade than me, your nonstudying self Got it TWISTED!

Boy Friend - And if you think I'm going to spend time with you instead of going to the library, knowing that if I don't get this degree, you will not be able to support us on your salary alone, you better call Palmala cause You Got it TWISTED!

If you're 9 months pregnant and still wearing tube tops, you got it real twisted

If you have more rolls than the Pillsbury Doughboy and still insist on wearin bra tops, you got it twisted

If your breath smells like you ain't NEVA tasted toothpaste and you all up in my face, bruh you got it twisted

If I repeatedly tell you I'm not interested and you still bother me, you got it twisted

If you think that showing out and crusing the staff out over the phone is going to make us move any faster, then you my delusional one got it twisted.

If you cruse us out, hang up, and then call us back 2 minutes later talking about how uprofessional we are, then YOU my child got it twisted.

If you think that we didn't talk about your azz for the rest of the day, then you definately got it twisted.

CTFU. CTFU. CTFU.
:D

If you think that the rise of "pimpism" is a creation of "the man," then you've got it twisted.