What does "Space" mean
 

My boyfriend just told me he needed space. WTF??? I asked him if he's breaking up with me and he said, "well not totally. I just need some space right now and I am really busy". I asked him if he was wanting to date other people and he said" well, there's not really anyone in particular I want to see, I just need some time to myself". I am sooo confused. I have never actually busted him lying to me but, he wasn't very convincing. I am feeling dumped. I am so confused.:confused:

Space is more independance, more time to ourselves. It does NOT mean he wants to break up. I've had the same conversation with my girlfriend on several occasions. It's just with all I have going on I need some time just to relax without anyone else around.

Although I haven't really been in a situation exactly like this, sometimes people just need some alone time to figure out themselves. I know that personally I've done this with friends. I just needed to figure out what I need and want in life and what I need to do to get there....and sometimes that's just easier to do with no "distractions". Most of the time it doesn't have anything to do at all with the other person or persons involved.

But I understand how frustrating it would be for you. "I need space" is never easy to deal with. Just let him know that you're there if and when he needs you.

Well space can mean lots of things to the person saying they need it lol.

But what you have to consider is what it means to you and the relationship in terms of his actions.

If nothing changes at all. Then good for you.

If he starts seeing you less or seems less than happy with time spent with you, you need to consider what is best for you.

We really can't speculate on what he is "feeling", but he is definitely "saying" that he doesn't want to spend as much time with you.

If he really just needs a little time alone to reflect on his life, then he's kind of handicapped in the relationship skills arena.

There are always ways to take time to oneself without damaging the relationship and asking for space always damages the relationship.

Usually I would say, "Hey! It's kind of cool that this guy is noticing that he's busy, and wants to bring it to your attention instead of letting you fall by the wayside."
But, when you ask him if he wants to see someone else and he's like, "Oh, not really...." that isn't very convincing, you're right. Sounds to me like he IS busy (and obviously concerned about you) but that maybe he is confused about your relationship as well. And from his point of view, I dunno, maybe he just really doesn't have time to straighten everything out in his head so the answer is......he needs space.
Sounds pretty innocent to me. You ARE NOT broken up. You're just going to have to take it like, a week at a time.

P.S. If you start noticing that he's going out without you (or you want to go to a bar or something without him) make sure you guys have rules about not kissing/dancing with other people. I would think you wouldn't do that since you're still together, but you never know what "I need space" might mean to someone else.

If me and most of the guys I know tell a girl that we need space. We are blowing her off. Sometimes nicely. And sometimes we are doing it so she is a reserve in case somthing else doesn't work out.

Why break up completely if you can test the waters and still have a back-up?

As much as that hurts to hear, it's probably true. Most of the guys I know would say the same thing. :(

I hope everything turns out okay, Blue Violet :)

A lot of the girls I know would do the same lol . . .

But good luck Blue Violet we are rooting for you:)

space sucks
 

I know this sounds bad, but I really do feel dumped. We used to see each other at least for a few minutes every day if we were busy and then the weekends we were always out and stuff and we talked on the phone everynight if we weren't hanging out and he went out last night and the night before without me and without calling and that is just not like him. We always have plans together on the weekend. I guess you're right about having to just wait and see how things turn out. My sister told me to not hound him or call him because that will just make him feel even more smothered, so I am leaving the ball in his court I guess.

Re: What does "Space" mean
 

"Space" can be used as an excuse to break up, but it sounds like he just doesn't know what he wants right now. What it really sounds like is that he wants to have his cake and eat it too...he wants to have some time apart but stay with you, unless someone else comes along. At least that's what it sounds like to me.

"Give Me Space or Give Me Death"



I hope it is not true, but it sounds like a brush off to me.

Time heals all wounds, but sometimes it takes longer. There are other fish in the pond. Maybe if he needs space, so do you!:)

How old is this dude? I know that a lot of my friends right now are going through this crazy soul-searching thing; we're all seniors. I know a lot of people who started dating their SO pretty early in the college game, and now that senior year is coming to a close, the guys primarily are unsure with exactly what they want. Also, they've felt tied down; sometimes they just want to go to a bar or a movie with their boys (don't forget, this is the last time they'll be together in a totally carefree time)--especially if you two spend every weekend together. If you take it like, one week at a time, you should be fine. Just make sure he's giving you space too...something like that isn't a one-way street.

Just another side of the story. I do feel that the "give me space" argument is a preparation for breakup, but I want to give the benefit of the doubt.

soul searching
 

Yes, we are both seniors. He graduates this spring and I'll be graduating in the summer and hopefully starting grad school in the fall. He's been applying as well but isn't exactly sure if he actually go. He may take some time off between graduation and grad school.

Blue Violet, you have to pick yourself up and not worry about this slight setback. Just look as it as an opportunity to do more by yourself or with your friends. If space is what he wants, then by all means...give him some freakin' space...but don't feel obligated to welcome him with open arms when he starts calling back. You can play that game too, don't return his calls, make yourself totally unavailable, got out and have the time of your life. ;)