I am SO MAD!!
 

I didn't think that this would ever happen to me, but it had and now I don't know what to do. My best friend, let's call her Amy, was an AOII with me. We were part of the recolonization class together, but after my sophomore year, she deactivated. She had her reasons, but I tried my hardest to convince her to stay. During this and this whole time after her deactivation, she bad-mouths AOII. When Amy and I would be talking to other people about greek life or something like that, Amy would break out with only negetive and hurtful things to say about AOII. Now, Amy knows and has known that I am still in AOII...I am still an active member. I never said anything to her about it because I thought that since she didn't say bad things to me everytime she saw me that I didn't want to make a huge deal of something pretty small. So, I let the bad-mouthing slide and that is my fault. Well, Amy is getting ready to complete graduate school and is filling out applications for jobs and sending out her resume. She asked me to look over her resume yesterday to see if there were any errors. I noticed that for activities at the school she put down AOII. I was a taken aback to see that she put MY sorority on her resume. But again, I didn't say anything...you know, pick your battles. Later on that same night we were watching tv and she was filling out an application. She asked me what kind of activities we did in AOII. I just told her I don't know. Then she asked me what kind of volunteer work we did in AOII. Again, I replied with an I don't know. In a very calm and cool voice, I suggested to Amy that she be careful putting AOII on her resume. She said that at one point she was in AOII which is true, but she is no longer a member. I told her what a teacher told me...the teacher was a Phi Mu and a woman that was hired into the office was also a Phi Mu. The teacher asked her when she was active and the woman told the teacher that she dropped out. It made the teacher upset that someone lied using her chapter and made her think about what else on the resume may be a lie. So, I am trying to tell Amy this story to advice against using AOII, but she cuts be off and says that she was once a member and gives me a NASTY look! So, I told her I was only trying to help and left.

This entire situation makes me mad! It hurts for her to bad-mouth a chapter that I love and then claim them on her resume. And to think that I was trying to help her...I was not telling her to take AOII off, though I should have. Amy is my best friend and I didn't want her to be questioned about the validity of her resume if someone found out she was not a member of AOII anymore. I haven't talked to Amy about any of this. She knows that I am mad that she gave me a dirty and I probably should tell her about all of this. But then again, I don't want to! Things are so stressful with graduating and then going into nursing, I don't want to just start creating more drama in my life. Has anything like this happened to you guys? What would you do in this case? I think another reason why I am hesitant to tell Amy about my feelings is that other things are going to come out on how she really doesn't treat me well as a friend in general. But, that is a different issue. Anyway, I haven't talked to her last night and probably won't talk to her today just for the fact that I am still REALLY angry by this whole situation. Any advice?

AOII_Luv,
The story you described about your friend is very similar to something that happened when I was in school. One of our members deactivated (because her boyfriend wanted her to) but continued to wear her letters everywhere. I remember, even years later, how horrified I was to learn this.
Now that I am (much) older, I have realized that the people who will do something like that do not stand on the same principles that we do. You will never make your friend understand this because she just does not see it as a problem. In addition, since she has no loyalty to AOII to begin with she will have no problem using the letters when it is convenient.
I have no advice to offer you that will fix the problem as you see it. I can only tell you that if it causes problems later, they will be your friend's problems. Perhaps one day she will regret what she cast aside, perhaps she does already.
Enjoy the end of your college days and try not to let it bother you. I can't say it won't affect your relationship with your friend, because it probably will. I have to wonder, though, how good a friend she is if she will bad mouth something in your presence that is obviously important to you.
Regards,
Anna

I totally hear what you are saying. I feel, though, to others, this situation seems petty and stupid but it does bother me. I didn't even mention in my previous post that she does still wear shirts with letters on them. And, when we are out, like at a bar, she often refers to me as her "sorority sister." Though I think of this girl as a sister in general, she is not my sorority sister and just confuses me even more as to how she can say that and then say mean things about AOII. I know I should talk to her about this, but I honestly don't feel like she will fully understand how upsetting her actions are to me. I think I just need some time away from her to really think about things.

Thanks for sharing your situation with me. I'm sure this is not a new topic by any means, but I wonder how other people have handled it.

The way I handled my situation is that I did talk to the girl about it. She did not receive my concerns well and I assume she continued to do whatever she wanted to. The difference in our situations is that she was not a close friend of mine so I didn't have very much to lose by telling her what I thought and didn't mind that it meant we wouldn't be friendly.
You have said you are very close to this girl, and if you are going to preserve that friendship you will probably have to say how you feel eventually. Just don't expect her to "get it" because I don't think she will.

Re: I am SO MAD!!
 

I'm sorry to say it, but she doesn't sound too much like a friend to you. If she cares about you she shouldn't badmouth AOII in front of you (even if she did so to others). She is obviously unconcerned about how that might hurt your feelings.

It may be for the best to go ahead and have it out with her about everything. If you already fell like she doesn't treat you well as a friend you need to talk to her about it if you want to save the friendship. If she won't make the effort to do that she may not have been that true of a friend for you to begin with.

I thought I should give you all an update since I vented on here in the first place!

Well, I must say that Amy is something else! So, I tell her everything...how I am insulted when she says bad things about AOII, how I felt it was a slap in the face to see them on her resume, and how I was only trying to help her when she totally blows me off in a really rude way. I am telling her this and somehow, she turns all of this onto me! Isn't that something?! Apparently I am to blame for this whole thing...nice to know. She also said that her advisor told her to put AOII on there since she was in it for two years. I told her that if she put a time frame on her resume for when she was active, this would be a non-issue. Even though I don't think AOII should be on there at all, I would not have been nearly as angry as how it is now. She apologized but even said herself that she doesn't know why this a problem...shock?...not really.

So that is that. Amy is my best friend...you would think that she would have a slight clue as to how I am feeling about this...wrong again. This and other things this week have made me want to go home to Michigan so bad! My car was in a hit and run on the 1st...this thing with Amy goes down...boy issues...thank goodness I am leaving for home tonight! It's one of those feelings that if I stay in Bloomington any longer, my head will burst!