Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

I've been talking to this guy for awhile now...he's so sweet, knows exactly what girls want, isn't in things for sex...but I just get this vibe from him that he's gay.

And I know these probably aren't the best ways to tell...but he dresses nice, he says "super" sometimes, he went in his hottub naked before with some of his close guy friends (although I know that they are definitely straight) but he just said it's more comfy that way and it's not like they look...


Anyways, I'm just not sure. Sometimes he seems too good to be true. How do you tell if someone is gay?

Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

Ask him.

However, he might not be sure of it himself. Or he might be "in denial" or not ready to embrace his sexual identity. As for the hot-tub thing, he could be a bit of an exhibitionist??

I must say though, from my experience, I have never gotten gay vibes from a guy and then he turned out to be straight.

"If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck"
(Told to me by one of my gay male friends.

has he had girls while you've known him? confusing situation.. maybe you should ask if you are close enough..

Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

In a roundabout way, you could ask him what kind of girls he dates.

Do you have any gay male friends? If so I would introduce them and after the meeting see what your friend thinks. My best friend from vet school married a guy that you would swear was gay but he's not-he is just effeminate. She even said herself he is like a gay man (I think he even joked about it).

I agree with getting one of your gay friends to meet him.

Why not just ask the guy? If he's not you'll both get a good laugh out of it. If you go around trying to manipulate situations to try to find the truth... well that's just kind of underhanded and manipulative.

Wouldn't some straight guys be extremely offended if a girl just asked them if they were gay? I wouldn't come right out and ask, just for fear of pissing him off if he ISN'T gay. Like, if someone asked me if I was a lesbian, I'd be really upset because I'm not! I'd feel really insecure about myself from then on because I'd start wondering what it was about me that made people think that. I mean, I don't know... that's just my assumption. Personally I would take the approach of asking him what kind of girls he dates. That way he won't be offended, and you can probably figure out from his answer whether he's gay or not.

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

That doesn't mean anything. Lots of gay men have girlfriends (yes, who they even sleep with) before they embrace their true sexual identity. My orthodontist was married with children, and then finally came "out" at age 50.

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

For real. No need to be coy. If you're interested in him, you need to know whether you're barking up the wrong tree.

Hopefully he won't take offense, but if he does, then maybe that'll give you something else to think about.

Only if they're convinced that there's something inherently wrong with being gay. I always felt that a guy who was secure in his masculinity would be able to say "no" to the question maturely, and without macho posturing and then move on.

I don't know, I think it's just plain rude to flat-out ask someone. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it! :p

I don't think that you should ask. His sexuality is private and not really your business unless he chooses to share that information. Also if he is gay, he might not be ready to deal with that himself, let alone discuss it with someone else.

He is definitely gay.