What to do when you see your friend's boyfriend with another girl
 

My mom has always told me that if I ever saw a friend of mine's boyfriend with another girl, I should never say anything to my friend because she'd always believe her guy over me. My mom says that most women won't want to believe their significant other is cheating, even if they saw it with their own two eyes, so they will go through denial and blow me off becaues of it.

I know this is a very touchy subject. I really don't know what I'd do if I saw my friend's boy all up on another girl, but wanted to see what you all would do. Would you comfront him when you saw him? Would you tell your friend? Would you talk to someone else about it first (someone that doesn't know either of them, obviously). I'm kind of, sort of, in this situation, but not exactly. It got me thinking about what my mom told me though. So what do you all think?

It depends on what you mean by "all up on another girl." If he was doing something that he wouldn't have been doing if she were there, I would tell her. It's up to her to decide whether to believe you or not, but I think that if you are in this situation you should tell her. If I were in her place, I would want to know, no matter how much I didn't want to hear it, you know?

Yes, I would tell her. She has the right to know and should know. If her bf is sleeping w that other girl, he could he exposing your friend to god-knows-what.

Yeah, no one wants to believe their boyfriend is cheating on them... but if he is, the sooner the girlfriend knows, the better.

Don't keep secrets from your friends.

I can see your mom's point, but I look at it this way. If I were in this situation and didn't tell my friend, but she found out later that I had known the whole time... wouldn't she be mad at me for not telling her? Just a thought...

You know, you could casually bring it up. Maybe this girls bf lied to her about where he was gonna be. If you say "yeah, I saw your boy at the mall today..." She might just say, "really? He told me he had to work..."

I would tell though. If dropping it casually doesn't work, just come right out and say it. Wouldn't you want your friend to tell you if you were in the same situation?

I would definitely want to know, yes. I think I would tell my friend about what happened -- I would just hope it wouldn't cause any problems.

The whole thing about what my mom told me is because of her running into her best friend's husband NUMEROUS times with different women and her best friend not believing her. (This all happened before I was born.) It caused lots of drama between my mom and her best friend and my mom said it wasn't worth it. In case anybody is wondering, they got past things and are still best friends.

I have this problem
I see my sorority sister's boyfriend at a club all of the time
And they are not together
He'll be all over some other girl
And I'm torn between wanting to tell her
And wanting to stay out of it

To answer your question...yes, I would be upset with her.
In fact, this sort of thing happened to me.

I was in a relationship for seven years. We had a great, unique relationship. Somewhere along the line things went wrong (or maybe I was delusional the whole time:confused: ) and he came to me to tell me that he was seeing someone else. Well, when I finally told my "friends" at work, one girl in particular had told me that our other friend had seen something suspicious seven months earlier and told her about it. They decided not to say anything to me. I was extremely unhappy about the fact that they kept this knowledge from me. And indeed it changed the way I looked at them. I do not consider these two individuals my friends. In fact, my intuition tells me that at least one of them, if not both of them, took pleasure in having known about it for so long and letting me think everything was great.

I realize every situation is different. You have to know your friends in order to make the right decision. In my case, I would always want to know. And my one friend knows / knew this.

That happened in my group of three friends... me, and two others. One of the friends told the other friend about the cheating guy... she never spoke to us again. It's okay... she was lame.

that's a good way of going about it.

from my experience, some of my friends tend to put their boyfriends first over their friends. i honestly don't think some would believe me, or would come up with some excuse. if she's a good friend, and he's up to no good and i know FOR SURE, i would tell her and let the cards fall where they may

Maybe this belongs on the "girls are stupid" thread, but if a woman is too blind to see that their boyfriend is a schmuck, and will believe his cheating azz over me, I didn't want her as a friend--when the scales fall from their eyes, they'll come running back. I have seriously ditched friends for being too codependent with their men (and telling me I need to set limits with my partner). Gah.

True story.

This Fraternity man I know has a long term girl friend.

So he starts sleeping with this Sorority Girl who has a long time boy friend.

Say it goes on for 6-7 months LOL.

Everyone involved is ina GLO everyone goes to the same school.

So . . after a mixer one night he goes home with the Not-GF. she passes out in his bed after sex . . .

His GF comes in the next morning with some of her sisters . . . into the bedroom . . . catches them in bed . . .:eek:


And starts bawling her eyes out! Her sisters start calling the other girl, slut whore etc . . . not him lol. Got to love girls lol.

So he gets all mad and tells them to get the fuck out, and they all leave! Not-GF is in her thong and one of his t-shirts but luckily all covered up . . .

He invents this story about the girl being too drunk to drive so she crashes in his bed . . . You know the story . . . he was nothing but a good samaritan trying to prevent her from getting into trouble yada yada yada.

Not-GF is pretty hot by the way . . . and you all know that I am picky as hell compared to most guys . . . also current GF is really hot also . . as well as a sorority president.

She belives the story and they stay together.

He drives Not-Gf home that morning and she says how much she hates guys and couldn't believe he got away with what they did and getting caught like that . . .

But the story gets better!

Some time later Not-Gf confronts GF at a bar and tells her the truth! That she was banging her BF for 6-7 months blah blah blah . . . all the sordid details, times dates, what they did . . .

The GF goes to him . . . And he tells her the Not-GF is a lying ass bitch . . . and the GF still believes him! Unreal.

They are still together. And he still sleeps with the other Not-Gf as well as whoever else is avilable.

Got to love the Drama eh?

I love women lol . . . ;)

So what do you all think?

I would think that "survival of the fittest" would have weeded these people out by now. LOL

I hate to say it, but it kind of sounds like they all deserve each other. GF is either REALLY stupid or has REALLY low self esteem and BF is an ass. Oh well. I just hope nobody ends up pregnant.

Wow Hootie, That is a really good idea if you can swing it.
If you can't I'd go confront HIM about it first. You can be all "are you still dating so-and-so?" Or "What were you up to?" Or if the situation was more serious, be all "hey, I saw you making out in the corner of the club with another girl, that's not cool if you are still dating so-and-so." I'd give the guy (or girl) a chance to defend himself or herslef and make things better before I told the person who was being screwed.
-M