"The Dick Cheney MI Risk Scale."
 

This was an email that my friend wrote and then sent to me. I hope that you enjoy it...

Due to Recent Increases in the Terror Alert System, The Following is the Explanation of:

The Terror Alert System

a.k.a. Dick Cheney's risk of having A Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack) Scale



Top Level (Maroon)

* Terrorism Being Reported On by NBC, ABC, and all other major news networks

* Dick Cheney's @ own Funeral

Highest (Red)

* Terrorism In Progress

* Dick Cheney is dead

Higher (Salmon)

* Terrorism Occurring / Dick Cheney Flat-lining

High (Magenta)

* Terrorism Suspected in next 24hrs

* Dick Cheney Being Shocked

Mega Supreme (Hot Pink)

* Terrorism in near future

* Dick Cheney en Route to Hospital

Ultra Supreme (Pepto Bismuth)

* Terrorism Suspected

* Dick Cheney Calling 911

Super Supreme (Pink)

* Terrorism Alleged

* W asks for number for 911

Supreme (Dark Red Light Orange)

* Terrorism Concerned

* Dick Cheney asks W to call 911

Mega Elevated (Red Orange)

* Terrorism Monitored

* Cheney Explains to Bush that an MI is a heart attack

Ultra Elevated (Orange Red)

* Terrorist Groups Infiltrated

* Dick Cheney tells W he is having an "MI"

Super Elevated (Light Orange)

* Terrorist Groups Found

* Cheney seeks out W

Elevated (Golden Rod)

* W in Office

* Dick Cheney is Vice President

Mega Large (Buff)

* Terrorist Groups Being Researched

* Cheney has Pain in Jaw

Ultra Large (Orange Yellow)

* Terrorist Groups Being Reported

* Cheney having Shortness of Breath

Super Large (Yellow Orange)

* Terrorism Known

* Cheney Having Chest Pain



The following levels do not have a designation beyond a level name and color due to the unlikelihood of use in the near future. As the need arises they will be designated for usage.



Large (Yellow)

Mega Big (Daisy)

Ultra Big (Sunshine)

Super Big (Light Yellow)

Big (Yellow/Blue)

Mega Medium (Navy Blue)

Ultra Medium (Dark Blue)

Super Medium (Blue)

Medium (Light Blue)

Small (Superman Blue)

Smaller (Cyan)

Smaller yet (Sea Green)

Low (Forest Green)

Lower (Dark Green)

Lowest (Green)

No Threat (Neon Green)

lmao