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Merry Christmas everybody!!

When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac...
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Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep,
I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks
than you'll know what to do with.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with
the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a
hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart
in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a bottle
of Jaegermeister and a couple of Cohibas!
-Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please,
please, PLEASE!
- Jimmy

Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses,
and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted
to know!
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good
boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can
learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the
space ranger, at least HE can spell!
-Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask
for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I need more Harry Potter cards please! All my friends have
more Harry Potter cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents
to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and
none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the
game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes
and Ladders."
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who the fuck names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm
skipping your house!
- Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into
our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live
in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living
in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars
do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!
- Santa

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