Help: Why would a girl do this?
 

Okay, I'm writing a short story and I need ya'll to help me. In your opinion, why does a young woman stay together with a guy who cheats on her. Also, he doesn't physically abuse her- it is more psychological. I have my own ideas, but I just wanted some different viewpoints.
Thanks!!!:D

Because she doesn't have self-confidence and thinks that is all she deserves (doesn't think she can find anyone better).

Because she is scared to be alone.

Because she comes from a family that was dysfunctional and thinks that is how all men treat women.

Because she thinks he will change.

Because she justifies it by saying that his affairs don't mean anything, he only LOVES her.

If they are married, perhaps because she has no money for a divorce or doesn't work so couldn't afford to be on her own.

Hmm..
 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He didn't cheat on me (as far as I know, although I am suspicious), but he was an asshole for the last two months of our relationship. He treated me like he did not give a sh*t about me or my opinions. He picked fights and pressured me to do things I didn't want to. One day we got into a fight and he got so mad he shook me. I was shocked and angry, but we decided that we still wanted to try and be together. I KNEW I needed to get out of the realtionship, but I couldn't do it.
Now, why? Why didn't I tell him to leave the first moment he started doing things that were hurtful, unsupportive and disrespectful? Why did I try and hold on when things got worse? I really hoped that things would get better. We had dated for two years and The last 6 months had been pure bliss. I knew he was going through a hard time, and was hoping that he would wake up one day, realize he had been a jerk, and buy me flowers. I guess now I know he wanted out, and these actions were a subconcious way to get me out. But we had such a good realtiuonship before, and the comfort level was so high, it was (and still is!) hard to think that I can't go to him when I am upset, or happy or whatever. Having something that is so wonderful change to soem,thing so wrong is hard, and in an effort to try and make everything work like I wanted to, I tried to stick it out.
Obviously, things didn't work, and I can say it is probably for the better. But it's still hard!

Anyway, there's a littel insight to what a woman might think as she stays with a guy that has cheated on her.

-M

Thank You
 

thanks everyone, all of your posts helped so much! I really needed to see another persons reasons for staying in relationships that aren't good for them. I think that it is a universal problem that almost everyone has either gone through or known someone who has. The flip side occurs also, when a guy stays with a girl that isn't good for him.

XOMichelle-
You took the words out of my mouth!!! Bravo and well said!!!

I agree with Michelle!
I was engaged for 9 months to a pig. It was all psychological. If he wasn't cheating on me, he made it look like he was...but then when I confronted him with the evidence it was a) I told her to write that because I knew you were snooping or b) You don't trust me this is all your fault.

Obviously now I know better...he lied to everyone. He put up a front and the MAN that I fell in love with turned into an immature boy that played mind games and to this day couldn't tell me why he wasn't happy anymore.

I don't believe that I lack self-confidence.
My problem was that I'm a perfectionist. I stick things out till the bitter end...and then some. My flaw was blindly loving. But ultimately it was my determination to GET THROUGH IT that kept me with him...
Maybe it was my fault for checking up on him.
Maybe he's right and I changed.
But then again, maybe not.

I finally woke up. The day he broke it off he didn't even do it to my face...I received a text message AT WORK simply stating "I'm not happy anymore. I think I need space to see if this is what I want" only days after discussing elpoing on his birthday in Las Vegas.

I snapped! He'd said stuff before that eluded me to believe it was downhill but I was sticking it out. However, 1 & 2nd time he said that, shame on him...3rd time shame on me!

So, in a sense, I think it all depends on the woman. I can see where some would have no courage to leave. I never in a million years thought I could have packed my crap up in the middle of the night and drive myself 12 1/2 hours home. I had enough~I just KNEW it wasn't getting any better than this.

I hope this perspective helps.
Good LUCK!

Hootie

Very well said, Michelle
 

Great post, Michelle. Spoken from the heart. :) LICO....

To Put it Bluntly, She is Stupidio.

Women from What Little as a man can try to understand are not undersdnable!

If I am Correct or not, then explain it to me.

If Eve had not said Hey Adam, try this Apple?:p ;) :rolleyes:

Umm... not nice. You really shouldn't call people stupid when you do not fully understand their situation and have never been in it. I mean, I know this is just a story that ThetaLove is writing, but there are real girls in the same sitch. all the time.

I never understand situations like this, and I probably never will.

But I don't see how a girl could stay with a guy if he cheats on her and just a straight up "asshole" altogether, but on the flipside, how a girl doesn't capture the moment with a guy who is many things, if not everthing she wants?

The female mind, GRRRRRRRRRR :rolleyes:

Everyone, thanks again. I'm enjoying writing this story but some of the guys confirmed my fears. My teacher is male and I don't know if he'll understand the whole situation as well as a female would understand it. Also, the rest of my class reads it and critiques it and my class is about half male- I'm wondering if they're gonna be bored to death reading it.

Well, I know some girls who date a guy in high school and just simply can't let go because the guy is their "first love". They stay with the guy no matter how bad it gets because thats the only thing they know. They have never been in other relationships to know that there is more to love than putting up with B.S. As soon as a girl lets go, she'll find out that she never should have put up with anything the guy may have done to her. :D

Sis, are you speaking from experience?:D

I guess everyone does things and then thinks, "Why did I do that?"

The paper is due Friday!! Ahh! :eek:

Hey, do we have to call people who are in situations that we're not in, and do not understand, stupid? Come on, people. Aren't we all adults?

Anyway, I think a lot of women, especially in their 20s, really feel as if they have to "work it out". So many of us don't want to be seen as a failure in any realm, especially the romantic realm. So, we stay in relationships that are less than perfect, where the balance of power is not equal, just because we don't want to fail at ANYTHING.

Also, so many people JUST DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. I've had one friend say that she'd rather be with her jacka-- boyfriend than without, because she gets so lonely.

I'm lucky enough not to have gotten into situations like this, but so many of my female friends have...and worse. So, I get frustrated, but I know that it's hardly a rare problem.