Gay Vibe
 

I had a very interesting experience yesterday. I went shopping at the Saks outlet and as I was leaving a girl pulled up in a car next to me and started saying, "Hey baby, you look good mmmmmm." That is all she got out before I got in my car. I didn't even look at her. Then, I got into my car and drove around the building to the Michael's craft place. I got out of my car and about 10 yards before I got to the door she came by again. "Hey can I get your phone number baby?" "You look so damn good." I was very uncomfortable.

So here is the deal, this made me very angry. First of all because of her barbaric behavior and second of all for thinking I was a lesbian. I mean if she had come up to me and hit on me in a bar I would have just politely said, "No thanks, I am straight." I felt very violated and now I understand why men would have a tendency to get very violent when this happens to them.

Re: Gay Vibe
 

Do you have short hair? Have you ever attended the Lillith fair?

-Rudey
--It's ok, don't freak out.

Re: Gay Vibe
 

Well I don't think it was so much that she was a lesbian but how she aggressively pursued you. Do you think you give off a gay vibe? Just asking because that'swhat you titled the thread.

Anyway, the same thing (more or less) has happened to me a few times. Once I was sitting in a 7-11 parking lot (VERY drunk) and drinking a bottle of water to try to sober up and drive home. This chick came up to my window and was like "Girl, I love the way you drink that water, you make it look delicious." I was drunk, so I cursed her out, lol. The other time I was at a club and this chick flung her arms around me and proclaimed that she was taking me home with her so she could take pictures of me (yeah, kinda creepy, lol).

I take these experiences mildly enough. I mean I don't want ANYone pursuing me with that kind of aggression, guys OR girls. I am comfortable enough in me sexuality to not be offended when a chick hits on me, I just let them know. Besides, with my over-inflated ego, anyone that hits on me only serves to reinforce my self-admiration, lol. :D

I've been hit on by women a couple of times-once at Mardi Gras, and once on my way out of a bar-she told me I was good looking, and she wanted to take me shopping(odd pick-up line, but whatever...). I was sort of drunk, and was like, sweet!I love shopping! :D All I did was politely let them know that I was straight, and it's never been a big deal.

However, if they had been as aggressive as in your situation, I would definately feel angry and uncomfortable. Actually, I'd be upset if anyone acted so aggressively towards me-man or woman!

Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

Umm, you wouldn't happen to have been at the gay club when all this happened, now would you dear? Cuz that would explain it.

- T.
- I know how you roll oh shady one.....

Hey Rudey *Bitch Slap* no, I have LONG hair past my shoulders, and I have not been to the Lillith Fair. However, I have seen several episodes of Ellen and I have a couple of the Indigo Girls songs downloaded onto my computer.


Librasoul22 and ChiOJenn22 thanks, your experiences have been worse than mine, I really don't know what I would have done about the water situation or going shopping. That would have been very scary.

Most gay men that I have spoken to say they have something called "Gaydar" to let them know who around them is gay, shouldn't lesbians have the same?

A wise man once said:

"The Key To A Successful College Experience, is EXPERIMENTATION."

Oh yes experimentation is fine if it is something you don't know about. But I KNOW I am not a carpet licker.

Well maybe you, Rudey and this other girl should meet up for some conformation..........

Oh, come on now, people! Please! I was chased by men like that all the time when I was in southern Europe. I've been chased by men in that same overly agressive manner several times here in the States. It's not acceptable behaviour regardless of which gender does it.

As for being upset that she assumed you were gay, I find that a little unfair. So many of those lines are blurred these days. She might not have made such an assumption in the first place. Many people are willing to experement without "changing sides," as it were. And on top of that, what about the thousands of homosexuals whom everybody assumes to be straight? Stereotypes of butch lesbians and fairy men are really far from the truth in most areas. Yes, you'll find a fair number of masculine women and effeminate men who are gay, but you'll also find an equal number who are straight. You'll also find an equal number of feminine women and masculine men who are gay.

I'm very sorry that you were harrassed and that you felt violated, and believe me, I know where you're coming from. However, I'd be far more concerned about that overly aggressive behaviour than any assumptions she might have made or any "vibe" you might have put off.

This offended me, and I'm 100% straight.

:mad:

Re: Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

Ha! No, I specifically cited instances when I was at very neutral settings! I acknowledge that if I am at a club that caters to the gay population and I get hit on, I can't really complain anyway, lol. ;) I have way more stories about the gay club, but that is a whole nother thread, lol.

three2tango, I think the guys are just messing with you. I agree with KappaKittyKat, maybe it wasn't that she assumed you were gay, maybe she was just trying her luck. You know, she had a 50/50 chance, lol.

KappaKittyCat, so you REALLY think that there are effiminate men who are completely straight? Not disagreeing with you, just bringing it up as a point of discussion. I talked about this last week with a gay (guy) friend of mine. Considering the intense socialization that nearly forces males into this ideal of masculinity (i.e. admonishing them if they play with dolls), is it possible? Interesting concept.

Me personally, I think it is possible for straight women to be tomboys, but I don't think it is possible for TRULY straight men (and that means men who have never questioned their own sexuality) to be effiminate. Not in this society.

hey this is off topic, but where do you go to school? in san diego there is an "off 5th" the saks outlet store right across the street from michaels.

I often wonder about this. I know there are some men that are totally straight that are somewhat effeminant. However, some of the guys I know that claim they are straight, are so strikingly different from the American "male ideal." Sometimes you just have to wonder... maybe they just haven't come to terms with it yet? Or maybe they were just raised in an environment where stereotypes did not affect them as profoundly (perhaps in the country, or in a home with a single mother, etc).

Re: Re: Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

Yes, Librasoul, I know that it's possible. I'm close friends with several. To as much of an extent that anybody can be 100% oriented to either gender, I know it exists. Now, I'm not sure that anybody can be 100% oriented to any gender, but that's my personal opinion and a topic for another thead.

Let's be clear of our definition of "effeminate" here. So many times in our society, men who are gentle, kind, emotional, sensitive, or in any way soft around the edges are assumed to be gay. The same with men who enjoy theater, art, classical music, dance, or other such things. My father told me the other day that he thought one of my friends was gay, just because he has long hair, a relatively soft handshake, and has many of those other personality traits. My friend is not gay, but that's not the point. It's the fact that such an assessment is considered fair in our society. In fact, I lean towards the notion that such a resolute push towards masculinity in American males is what caused this rash of homophobic behaviour in the first place. If it's not okay to be at all soft around the edges, then you're left with that same horrid macho behaviour that so many of us women detest. When the most minute details of our already polarized gender roles are defined, then you're left with a mold that only Barbie and Ken can fit. And even Barbie gets to go to work (albiet in the fashion industry).

But this is taking a slightly different path than I had in mind. My point is that I have very good friends who are often described as "effeminate," and all of them are straight. I also know very masculine gay men. So my point? Never assume anything anymore.

And I need to throw my lot in with Shine. Homophobic slurs offend me just as much as racial slurs.