Very Sad Boyfriend (need advice ladies)
 

Need some advice people,
just got into a uneasy conversation with my girlfriend. It seems like all we do is fight now at days. It all stems from her being upset with me lately because I've been questioning her alot about trust and the direction I want our relationship to go. The problem is she has a lot of guy friends who she grew up with and hangs around. I don't mind her having guy friends of course, it just seems sometimes she cares more about their feelings than mine. I just worry about her sometimes because she is such a sweet and open person who is willing to help anyone who comes along. She does a lot for charities and is very humble and non-materialistic. I love this side of her, but sometimes she is blind to the fact people can and will take advantage of you now at days. Especially when It comes to guys who are nice to her, I'm like "yeah, of course they know you have a boyfriend, but sometimes guys can be very manipulative, they'll say they just wan't to be friends but...", it just bothers me that sometimes she can't see what me and other friends of mine see when people try to use her. It doesn't help that I know how her attitude is and that she has a stalker in jail...and another guy that goes to her college. Lately I'll admit that I've had the jealous bug, but I just worry about her alot . She says things are falling apart because of how I'm acting, but I've honestly never felt this way about a girl before because usually I wouldn't even care. She also says that I don't give her much attention and sometimes I get condescending with her...Maybe I'm screwing things up...It's not like I don't trust her, but all the previous statements make me a bit insecure

a very discouraged boyfriend

Hmm it's usually the woman that brings up the "State of the Relationship" talk...

-- Where are we now?
-- Where have we been?
-- Where are we going?

These things are never productive.... Think about this -- why would ANYONE respond positively? My girlfriend once tried to bring up these points and I (respectfully) requested that we not talk about them because it never comes out positive.

My advice -- without questioning things like "Where's the relationship going" (which at least for me is a scary thought) tackle INDIVIDUAL issues that you can solve and find common ground on. If you don't think there's common ground on an issue wait until there is and then bring it up in a non confrontational way. Make sure you're not trying to tell her that you're right and she's wrong. Discuss only what YOU feel and how her actions make you feel.

In the meantime (and until there's common ground) I would simply trust her. Perhaps this sounds a bit naive -- but she is the one that chooses to associate with these fellas. That is her choice... Presumably she's old enough at this point to make her own decisions. For me a relationship is nothing but trust. I don't say anything about who she hangs out with and I get mad as hell if she complains about who I hang out with. If you don't have trust what do you have? So just trust her... And if something goes bad it wasn't meant to be.

I agree with ktsnake.

For some girls, guys are really the best friends. Me for example, while I have plenty of female friends, my guy friends are really my best friends. I don't know why it always works out that way, but it just does. And it's funny that you mention that she grew up with her guy friends, because that is the exact same scenario for me.

Unless it looks like she is seriously going to make a move on her guy friends, I wouldn't worry about it and just trust her.

I hope that helps & the situation works out for the best :)

I agree with a lot that has been said.

It sounds like you have a "free spirit" or at the least, someone who wants to be. That's why you like her so much. From your description, it seems in your eyes, she has it all.

Many women, myself included, find male friendships rewarding and on many levels much warmer. Men are wonderful conversationalists and they just seem to talk about different things from a different perspective. Honestly, I love the mind of a man and the way it works. Perhaps she is able to see herself more clearly through their eyes than those of her girlfriends.

I think you are probably right in thinking some of the men would like more from their relationship, but she is with YOU! Don't forget, once a guy is designated "friend", it's hard to break that label. The ones you need to keep a look out for are usually the ones on the periphery.

This is the best adivce I could possibly give you from your description. Everyone needs to reflect on this from time to time
"Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."
-Kaleel Jamison

Brotha Sig in Texas,

I always hear from your bros here at SDSU that it's nearly impossible to find a true relationship in college (Which is weird because the only one in our house that WANTS a true relationship is me). So, yes, many girls (and guys) cheat, or sleep around. But most of the relationships that I have seen in college, no matter how the girl is, no matter how many guy friends she has, she's completely faithful. So, from my experience, I'd trust her, because she sounds like she has a good heart and head and she would figure things out like that before it's too late.

I believe things always work out in the end.

YITBOS

That was very beautifully said Justamom

Yep, JWOW is the best!

I gave up sex 17 yrs and 1 week ago so I could afford to Drink, Smoke and Eat! But who is keeping Count!

Yea Me!:D

I Can Cook!! Filet Mignon, Bake Tater, and Salad TONIGHT! Bleu Cheese dressing and Bacon / Horseradish on the Tater! YUM YUM!

Dont dust and do windows! Any Takers?:D

Thanks for the advice everyone, I've really taken it to heart. It has opened up a lot of doors is my mind. I kind of feel a lot better now hearing what I've known all along from other people. Thanks
Mike