Bad experience
 

I tried to post this earlier but it didn't post. My daughter just went through rush at a Kentucky school. My question is this: can she and should she ask the chapter president or the head of rush why she was cut from a certain sorority?

I am sorry that she is hurting. She absolutely should NOT say anything to any sorority member or ask any questions of them. They won't really have any idea what happened. Chapters have recruitment committees who handle the invitations, etc. the general membership never knows what goes on in committee. If she wants to, talking to the Greek Adviser might offer some insights and that should be the only person she talks with about this on campus.
That conversation might inform whether she tries COB now or in the spring, if that is available. The GA can tell her how to go about that process on her campus.

Keep in mind that she rejected the one offer she had. That won't set well and could follow her to COB. I don't know how many groups are on her campus but word does spread. I'm sorry she chose to do that. It isn't a wise thing to do and I'm sure she was counseled against doing it.

She didn't get a bid because she did not go to the sorority which extended her an invitation to pref. She had an opportunity to get a bid, but chose not to accept it. That is a far cry from being totally cut from recruitment. She withdrew from the process. I have a hard time believing that chapter members asked where she was, as chapters have their party lists before the parties, and they would not be able to discuss it outside of the parties because of silence. I suspect her friends were trying to make her feel better, but the fact is that chapter members vote on who is invited back, and are well aware of who accepted their invitation and will be returning. Having dropped out before pref, if other chapters were still interested in her and had openings, she could have been extended a snap bid, which would have allowed her to go to bid day activities. I am sure she is all you've said and more, but the fact is, so are the other hundreds of women going through recruitment. She had a sorority which, if they invited her to pref, wanted to offer her a bid.

She should not ask why she was cut, as that is private information that chapters, for obvious reasons, do not always know and never share. If she is still interested in trying to join a sorority, she should check with the Greek Life office/panhellenic and let them know she is interested in informal recruitment. There may be events in the fall, and she can check to see if there is an organized informal recruitment in the spring. In the meantime, she should look into the other opportunities for involvement on her campus. In addition to helping her acclimate, it will offer the chance to meet sorority women who may be able to help her if she again goes through some form of recruitment.

Thanks for the reply. I probably shouldn't have included all of her accomplishments in my question as that that had nothing to do with what I wanted to know. I'm a teacher so I'm well aware that there are 100s of others who are just as accomplished as her. Maybe she should have gone on to the one sorority that offered her a bid but that's irrelevant now. If she filled out a form to officially drop, does that make her not eligible for COB?

She is eligible for COB. And it is relevant that she had a pref invitation (not a bid - not yet), but declined and withdrew from recruitment. She didn't give the one chapter that saw something in her a chance. She could have attended pref and then withdrawn. So many here will surmise that your daughter "turned her nose up" at a chapter (which usually happens for reasons such as "it's not the top tier"), and you may get some strong reactions.

Here's what's relevant: there may be very few, if any, chapters doing COB this fall. The Greek system at WKU is strong, and many or all the chapters may be at or above total after recruitment. There may be some chapters doing COB in the spring. Best advice is to get great grades this fall, keep a clean social profile, make genuine friends with women in every sorority that she meets through classes, on campus, etc. And if there are no opportunities for Spring COB, go through again as a sophomore.

Thanks, you're right. I guess she didn't feel comfortable in the one.

It's not irrelevant. Your daughter needs to realize she probably gave up her one chance to join a sorority. She made an immature decision that she did not feel comfortable there based on meeting a handful of actives during recruitment - and more likely, she judged the chapter based on gossip/ tent talk and did not give them a fair chance. That's a pretty important life lesson to learn!

Your daughter is eligible for COB but chances are the house that she turned down will be the one doing COB. She should let her active friends know that she would be interested in COB should their chapters have slots open, but don't count on it.

Think I'll just edit my original post. :-) Having never been through rush myself I was just wondering if she should ask why she was cut from a certain sorority. I see the answer is no. Thanks all!

semi-related: what time is bid day on The Hill? anyone know?

I didn't write for anyone going through recruitment this week -- we have HEAVY connections at one chapter on campus & for better or worse, that's where all our girls want to go. However, I was notified last night at least one of our local girls went to my chapter's pref party ... so now I've got a little more interest ;)

Actually, there are a good number of groups COBing at WKU this fall..... 4 I think.

Bid day started at 2:30pm CDT on the Hill. And yes, 4 chapters will be doing COB this
fall as they are under total.

Thanks for the correction. Do you want me to edit my post, or can I just leave it?:D PS I wrote "there may be" so I was hedging, ya know?

Ha. you can leave it, of course :)

Definitely no. She would be putting those members she asked in a really awkward position, they'd likely lie to her anyway (if they even knew why she was cut to begin with), and she might ruin her chances of receiving a bid in the future.

Also, keep in mind that due to how recruitment works, the chapters have to make some really difficult cuts, especially in the beginning. Think of how many potential members they have to meet with, and then they have to cut a certain number of those girls after day 1 or 2 of talking to them for a small amount of time. Sometimes, they may like too many girls and have to cut ones that they think might actually be great sisters. It can be tough on both sides.

Your daughter should learn from this experience what she can, then move on. I hope she eventually finds her home in the best chapter for her! :)

my local girls did well ... as usual, most went KD, but we had a Phi Mu, Chi O, and DZ (yay!!!) thrown into the mix for fun. Maybe we're finally diversifying here. LOL