Big Dropping Out - Advice Needed
 

I have posted here before but made a new account to disguise which school I go to.

My big (and best friend) told me yesterday that she is dropping out of our sorority. Our chapter and the broader Greek community have suffered from fairly major scandals, one of which made national news, and she thinks that the chapter/panhellenic/greek life have not made adequate changes. She also feels like she’s not getting much out of chapter life and feels like she’s wasting her money and time.

My question is what I should do now - I share her sentiments about Greek life on our campus (though not as strongly) and had already felt somewhat lonely in the chapter beforehand (I feel like I have about 5 good friends in a chapter of 140). I am worried that these feelings will worsen when she’s gone. I had also felt that I am not getting a lot out of my sorority experience and have become resentful of the time commitment. I am dreading recruitment in the fall, which I think is coloring my perception of the whole situation.

Despite all of this, I am reluctant to quit - I love the friends that I have made and am worried that I’ll regret dropping out later. What would you recommend I do to improve my situation? I was made a co-day leader for recruitment against my will, and given my feelings right now I think that serving in a leadership position during recruitment could be a bad idea. Should I try to explain everything to the person in charge? Any advice would be appreciated.

Context that may influence responses: I have been in pretty high-up leadership positions within the chapter, and I think chapter leadership would be stunned if they learned that I am considering dropping. I otherwise love college and have a great group of friends, the vast majority of which are not in Greek life. I was abroad March-May without anyone else from my sorority. From September-March there was only one sisterhood event organized by the sorority, though I believe the situation improved while I was abroad. My chapter is around 5 years old and has historically struggled with recruitment/morale/retention, though these things have gotten substantially better over the past year.

QFP

Read the title of your thread and the first paragraph you wrote. Then ask yourself why you want to drop out. Is it because of YOUR true feelings or the feelings of your friend?

That's a good question - I need to think some more about that. I think I would be feeling similarly if she wasn't dropping, but I think the news made me think more critically about everything. I'm definitely going to wait for the shock to wear off and then reevaluate.

I would encourage you to stay and perhaps stop internalizing your big's situation so much. Also, it's hard to change a system when you are not part of it. Dropping won't help that. Your sorority obviously saw skills and leadership qualities in you if they asked you to be a day leader.

What year are you in school? You'll be throwing away a lifetime membership opportunity in this organization that could impact you for the rest of your life. I'd give serious thought about the long term and not just the short time...

I don't know how spread out geographically your membership is, but try getting together with some sisters in the next month or so. NOT anything to do with rush or the business of sorority - something purely fun and social, like a baseball game or something. It sounds like that has been lacking in the chapter and getting together in a more mellow situation might help.

Reentry after being abroad is hard, and coming back to your big's news made it harder. Like a previous poster said, give it all time to sink in.

This is the aspect I don't think folks adequately consider. While at this point, you may be resolved to move on and put Greek Life in the rear view mirror after graduation, life is funny sometimes, and it's very possible that if you stick it out now that there may be an opportunity for you to work with some outstanding undergraduates someday as an alumna or you may enjoy other experiences and opportunities which you wouldn't otherwise experience.

Consider this from another angle. No one always has smooth sailing. The business, school or government agency you may someday go to work for may not always do do very well. (Many, many of the best companies were onetime on life support that a team of individuals courageously brought back to to prosperity.) Also, it may not seem like it now, but some people that we love in life and work will come and go. We all have to get used to it. If you have held a leadership position in your organization in the past, I suggest stepping up and trying to help any way that you can, whatever that may be. You may (someday) find that you learned more doing this than any experience you may have had abroad.

Do not let what one person does (or does not do) overly influence what you decide. If you have 5 good friends out of 140, that's pretty good. Also, as people get closer to graduating, it's been my experience that they tend to begin to outgrow their undergraduate life and look more toward what will come after college. This may be happening to you.

I must also point out that you really haven't given any details that seem to justify quitting or turning in your pin, if that's what they still call it.

Not to mention the contacts, both fraternally and panhellenicly, which may help you secure a job after graduation, find a good, safe place to live, doctors, and dentists if you move to a new city, and have an alumnae sorority or Panhellenic group to join.

No one( even a president) is friends with everyone in a chapter. You have 5 good friends- some members probably aren't close friends with that many. Work to make the chapter better. You are on exec. Schedule more sisterhood events. If you all can't come up with sisterhood ideas, ask other sororities on your campus what they do or contact nearby chapters of your sorority or the regional alumnae officer over your area for advice.

Additionally, you can remain friends with your big. I just hope she accepts that you want to remain an active, contributing member.

My big transferred schools. Just because your big isn't there, doesn't mean you won't have a valuable experience. :D Don't throw away the sisterhood. :D

Obviously people here are biased toward remaining; if we hadn't found our greek memberships valuable on the whole over our lives, we wouldn't be here.

Of the people I know who resigned memberships, I can honestly say only one I remain in touch with didn't regret it. Sisterhood is much more than someone to walk to class with, or vacation with.

So the answer really depends on you - not your big, not your lack of sisterhood events, not a struggling, week-recruiting chapter. What are you willing to do, and what are you willing to eliminate from the rest of your life this early?

Your chapter is only 5 years old. They are still creating who they will become and this is an opportunity for YOU to be a part of that creation. How can they have "historically struggled with recruitment, morale, retention". You and your sisters ARE the history of this chapter. Get some support from your National organization.