Should I apologize?
 

I felt a distance between me and lot of members since last winter. But, I couldn't find out the root of the indifference. I talked to a friend last Saturday about it, who's not even in my GLO. However, she knows a lot about what is and was going on.

She brought up an issue that never even crossed my mind. See, year before last we had a LOT of drama in our chapter, to make things worse we weren't even a real chapter yet, we were a petitioning group. So, last fall a lot of members left because of the BS. Leaving only about 8 of us left. Eventually 3 of those 8 left. After that, we got like 12 new members.

One of the five old members, was a class A drama queen (she's gone now)! She was very unhappy about they way some of the new members were acting. She didn't try much to hide it. Because we were pretty good friends at that time and I knew she was a drama queen, I appeared to be by her side, though at that time I disagreed w/ a lot of things she said. I liked the new members a lot and was very friendly to them WHEN SHE WASN'T AROUND. But, when she was around I kind of ignored them, I didn't want to piss her off by appearing too friendly. There also were a few other things that I shouldn't have done when I was around her.

To sum up, that person quit around Christmas, and we stopped talking to each other. I was kind of relieved and tried to put all of that behind me.
Since then half of those new members also left and those remaining left I kind of have trouble bounding with plus some of the newer members since winter. My friend told me that I was guilty by association w/ that ex-friend, and that's why I might feel some coldness.

She told me that I should apologize. I think not, 1. Because about 100% of the stuff my ex-friend forcasted turned out to be true. 2. Most of those new members from last fall are gone, however they very close with some current members and come around on special functions. Should I apologize?

"There also were a few other things that I shouldn't have done when I was around her. "

Yes, you should apologize.

I think deep down you WANT to (thinking it will clear the air), but don't know HOW to...Is that possible?
Dardenr is right.
I wouldn't make some formal announcement, but on a one on one format yes, it may help. Remember though, actions speak louder than words so follow through and things should blow over.

Apologize. Save yourself the grief.

Yes, you should apologize to those folks who deserve it one on one. But your chapter seems to have bigger issues as well. Why are all of these people leaving?!? :eek: After you get your own grievances dealt with, you should work on your chapter!!!

Yeah, I guess you can say that. I don't know how to translate "Sorry, for being a bitch because I didn't have the backbone bone to disagree with my ex-friend".

Just be honest and say what you feel-Something has been bothering me for a while and it's important for you to know that I was wrong about... and go from there.

Once those words "I was wrong" are said, people usually perk up and listen, really listen. You will feel better, mend some fences and possibly forge a closer friendship. You never know unless you try. Good luck with however you choose to handle it.:)

I agree. It sounds like your chapter, new and old, needs to have some programs that will foster an increase in group communications, solidarity, unity, etc. etc.

I understand what it is like to have a friend who is a "bitch" or a "drama queen" and you see things differently, but I think this past lesson will help you grow as a person in the future.

I would go up to the remaining individuals and talk to them, apologize, and then in a future chapter meeting, you all as a chapter need to address any issues that will affect your chapter in terms of working together in a brotherly/sisterly manner. Trust me when I tell you that ALL organizations and chapters go through this at one point in time, but how they DEALT with it is what counts. Either it made them stronger or it kept them further apart.

You need to be the change that you want to see.

Thank you for sharing. (:eek: isn't that what they say @ AA meetings, lol.)

Since you are asking, I think you should especially since you are admitting that you ignored them when you were around your now ex-friend but were nice when she wasn't around. That's what people call two-faced and I can see why they would act that way towards you. HOWEVER, they are also members of your org and you should be able to go to them to discuss :) Good luck w/ your decision :)

Dionysus, I think you're being too hard on yourself. I agree with the other folks here that you may need to apologize, but please realize all of us make mistakes... it's learning from them not all of us do.

I can only really speak for how I could picture it in my sorority... but I think a formal announcement would serve you better than anything. That gets the entire message across to everyone at once, cutting down on a lot of confusion (and therefore talk.)

Justamom, how very supportive of you! I think that's wonderful. Wish my mom was as involved.

Greek love!
~ Jacquelyn.

Ummmkay, this is what I'll do. I'm not going to apologize to any current members, because they were not around last fall. Because, some of the alums are very close to a lot of current members and may have influence over them, I may apologize to them one on one whenever I get a chance.

Shadokat and CT4 are right, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Some reasons why we are having trouble w/ membership is because A. We are mostly a commuter campus and people are always transferring. B. Too much power-tripping in the beginning. C. We just got our charter last April, and before then things were VERY disorganized. D. Our main emphasis is supposed to be service, we haven't been doing too much of that :rolleyes: E. Some people are uncomfortable with the solidarity of some members (that's the main thing that pissed my ex-friend off), I understand, some of them work with each other and/or know each other from other organizations. It's only natural for them to be closer. But, a lot of other people DON'T understand that and is a turn off to them, they feel left out.

I don't even know if they are aware that is the reason why we are losing people because of that.
I really really want to address "E", but don't know how to TACTFULLY. I don't want a repeat of last year of creating more drama and losing even more people including the advisor, whenever I addressed the problems. :D

Some suggestions
 

I never went to a commuter campus but it sounds to me like you all definitely need some team builder activities to take place and a real live in your face, gripe session. Give EVERYONE a chance to confront those with whom they have problems with but at the end allow some sort of wrap up that will allow for the past tensions to unify the organization. The only way you all will ever be able to work together effectively is to eliminate as much of the tension as possible. Otherwise your organization will be very divided and the problems that exist now will increase in magnitude. Think of it like a festering sore that is never treated. It stinks and oozes puss. :eek:

Secondly, I would suggest that you poll or survey the members about their reason for joining APO as well as how do they plan to have a more effective/positive presence on campus in the future.

It is important to remember that not all of the members in your organization will get along -- that is a very rare occurrence. However, what is critical is that the organization displays respect for the members as well as the organization and principles.

Best wishes this year.

Apologize?
 

I think you should apologize, if I had members in my organization as morally aprehensible as you I would kick them out.

Apologize?
 

You should apoligize, if I had someone as morally aprehensible as you in my chapter I would kick you out.

Re: Apologize?
 

GUFFAW!!!!! Morally APPrehensible????? LOL!!!! Thanks Tau, you gave me my first guffaw of the day.

What a dork.