Happy Mothers Day
 

To all the Moms out there

Happy Mother's Day

to the mean moms of the world and their children...

All moms are mean for a reason. As we grow into adults we know why our moms were mean. Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them: I loved you enough...to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would
be home.
I loved you enough...to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you. I loved you enough...to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough...to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it."
I loved you enough...to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough...to let you see anger, disappointment,and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough...to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.


But most of all, I loved you enough...to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them....
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison.
She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.
She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less we were ashamed to admit it.

but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to
wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty
the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds.Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids
experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting,
vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms.

You Know You're A . . .
 

You Know You're A Mother When...

1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to
make sure they're equal.

2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.

5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep
eating.

6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled
substance.

7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities
of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything
touching.

8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty"
out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you
do it.

9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons;
your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.

10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the
only one your child eats.

11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first
girlfriend.

12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.

13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches
into cute shapes.

14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so
final.

15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your
mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"

16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child
won't get that disease.

18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with
your husband in ages, then spend half the night
checking on the kids.

19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

20. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for
this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for
anything.

************************************************** ******
The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very
high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the
ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far
below.

The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s
appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for
anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and
finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's
relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at
the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother,
you can come down now."

Job Posting Announcement
 

POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mother

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be
hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and
organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the moms you know, and also to dads who "mother" their kids, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated. If we are to combat the insanity of our world, we need to explore love,
self, and each other. Join me in this exploration.

**Hats off to all the moms of the world**:D

The Date
 

THE DATE

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea. "I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested. "I know, but you also love her." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed
to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entrées, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she
said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded. During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation -nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered. A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, never-the-less, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you." At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more
important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time".

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ...somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother,
"normal", is history.


Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct ...somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring .somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"...somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ...somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball
through the neighbor's kitchen window.


Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother ...somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first ...somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books .somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery ...somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten ... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp"

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ... somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married ...somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home ...somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her ....somebody isn't a mother.

Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mothers out there!!!

Re: You Know You're A . . .
 

These are so true! #3 is really true for me. I try to lock the door, but my son still knocks on it and begs to come in.

Happy Mother's Day Sorors and SistaFriends. :) :D

Have a blessed day with your children and grandchildren and nieces and nephews.

I know I'm a little off format with this post, but please allow me to share a few funnies from my daughter's younger days:

1. When she was about 2, one day I was folding clothes. She saw me with a pair of her daddy's underwear, and in her cutest little voice, she asks, "Mommie, are those daddy's pull-ups?"

2. One day (not too long after incident #1) she came to me with an announcement that she saw daddy's "tail". Well, my grandma always called the butt the tail (unless she was upset and said something else), so I didn't think too much of it until I realized that she didn't see daddy's butt - she saw his "tail" that was in the front of his body! He neglected to close the bathroom door when he had to go (and believe me, that was the last time)!

3. My husband, until about a year ago, had a pick up truck. She was looking under the truck and wondered if it was a boy truck. I told her since daddy drove it, I guess it could be considered a boy truck. She was looking under the truck for its "tail"!

Happy Mother's Day!

LMAO LMAO LMAO thanks for the laughs.

I feel You!!!!!
 

I feel you @CrimsonTide!!!!! My son is only 5 yrs. old and the thought that he will one day have a girlfriend & marry somebody really bothers me!!!!!! I know that I have many years before it happens but......I'm already having a hard time with it!!! I too use my saliva to clean my son's face and I have to stop myself from doing it to my husband when he has something on his face!!!! I just want to wish everybody a Happy Mother's Day!!! And remember....Man may work from sun to sun. But, a mother's work is never done!!!!! I'll holla later!!!:D :cool:

Happy Mother's Day Sorors and SFs. :)

Thank You!!! :)

LMAO...why did this remind me of when I was a little girl...I was about 5 years old and my granddaddy was in the bed drunk/passed out. I walked in on him snoring and ran back and and told my grandma "Mama, daddy boo-booed on hisself." She came back in there and his stuff was out and she was like that's not boo boo. LMAO I saw his tail that nite!!! I was so embarassed when I found out what it was!!! :eek: I'm still embarrassed when I think about it!!! :confused:

Happy Mother"s Day!!!!
 

I know that I'm early but....Happy Mother's Day to all my Sorors and Sisterfriends. What is everybody doing?? I'm going to dinner with my Mom, Grandmom, Step-dad, and Son. Enjoy the day!!!!

Happy Mothers Day-Deltas
 

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THE MOMS ON THE BOARD
HOPE YOUR DAY IS FILLED WITH ALL THE LOVE YOU DESERVED


YOU ALL HAVE THE HARDEST AND BEST JOB IN THE WORLD
FOR ALL THE SINGLE MOMS KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! AND BELIEVE AND TRUST GOD THAT YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING