Dating Question
 

I have a question- and would love some feedback! :)

Last night, I was out with sisters at a bar and we bumped into my big's ex boyfriend. My big wasn't there. Since we're all friends with this guy, we go over and say hello then go about our business. Well, granted, he was wasted, but he kept hitting on my roomie (we have the same big sis, by the way). He went on and on about how he's always been interested in my roomie, but couldn't do anything about it because our big sis has always been in the way! My roomie was basically shocked to hear it and pissed since it's very disrespectful towards our big. (My big has never really gotten over this sleazeball, and hopes to marry him one day- and he knows this-which makes me even more mad that he was hitting on her lil).

My question- do you generally take into consideration that you're not suppose to hook up with your ex's closest friends? Aren't there rules to this kind of thing??

The reason why I ask is bc I have seen this happen more than once...

I can date her friends but she cant date mine!!

Do you have sex with them too?

Hopefully. If I'm lucky.

I think it totally depends on the situation. In the situation you described, that guy should NOT be hitting on your roomate, since your big sis is clearly not over him. If any of my friends wanted to date any of my exes, I really wouldn't care because I'm over them. But, I think that if a friend isn't over an ex, he's totally off limits.

I dont think he has any responsibility to not hook up with his Xs freinds. I think its the friends responsibility to not hook up with him.


Any of you ladies in GC ever hook up with one of your X boyfriend's friends?


And start putting the seat up where it belongs!!

I can't believe I am about to say this but...in a weird, strange way I actually agree with schultzz. :eek:
We have all dated those people that we NEVER should have. You have such a bad break up with them that after the relationship has ended you feel you have absolutely no obligation to them anymore. You are not friends so respecting each other is out of the question. I'm guessing that's where your big's ex is at.
A few years ago, my friend, "Jaime" and her boyfriend had a horrible break up. After it had ended, he started hitting on my other friend, "Stacy", and telling her that he never liked Jaime as much as he likes her. It was a big mess. Of course, we thought the guy was a sleazeball but, at the same time, he had no obligation to respect Jaime. But, Stacy did have that obligation. Stacy told the guy to get lost and he hasn't spoken to her since.
I would never hook up with an ex's friend but I wouldn't say that's out of respect for my ex (if the relationship ended on bad terms). I would say that it would be more out of the fact that I would not want to get involved in a love triangle like that!

This totally reminds of Jerry Springer in a wierd way...they always have these love triangle/cheating situations right? And this woman comes out, talks about how her man is cheating on her, and her man comes out, and she gets mad at him. But then the women he's cheating on her with comes out, and woman 1 gets more pissed at woman 2 than at the man! I never understood that. Sometimes neither of the women even knew the other existed, and yet they still brawl for this guy who is obviously a piece of crap. Don't date your friend's ex's, unless they are completely over them and they tell you to go for it and YOU BELIEVE THEM. If your friend is simply trying to be the bigger person but you can tell they would be hurt, don't go for their ex and then be all like, well, she told me it was ok. This works for guys all the time too, I just remember one instance in particular that was extremely large women fighting over one particularly large man. Anyway, that was my mom's advice on the whole thing, and I've found to be extremely usefull.

I wouldn't date an ex's close friend, and would expect my close friends to stay away from my ex.

If I am not over it, I would want my friends to sensitive about my feelings, but even if I am over it, it would make me feel VERY uncomfortable.

I want my best friend to be able to confide in me, and I wouldn't want to hear about their dates, when they hook up fort he first time, how she's falling in love with him...

I show my ex the same courtesy by not dating his friends.

We ought to stay away from our friend's ex's EXCEPT (and this is just my opinion) those cases in which the friend and the ex didn't date very long, had a reasonably un-messy break up, and neither of them is still in love with/has feelings for/hates the other. If I ever thought about liking a friend's ex, especially a close friend, I would ask her what she thought--if she wasn't cool with it, I'd stay away because good friends are harder to come by than dates.

I would hope that my close friends would stay away from my ex's - especially since one of my ex's is a total psycho!

I know of one fraternity on my campus where a brother would have to ask permission if he wanted to date another brother's ex-girlfriend. Such permission was seldom granted - which often made it hard on the girl, because while hanging out at the house with her boyfriend, she'd make friends with other brothers, and then, after the breakup, the ex would not allow any of them to date her.

I agree with Schultzz and ZtAngel in that it's more of the friend's duty to say no to the ex. In this case, that's what happened. I just get really annoyed when I think about it bc he claims to still be in love with his ex. Yea Right. In love with her and the rest of our chapter. Puke. I just think ex's friends are off limits since its an awkward situation. I wouldn't want to be part of any kind of triangle!

I would never date a friend's ex or an ex's friend. It seems a unkind to the friend. Personally, I would never want a friend's 'sloppy seconds' so I wouldn't do that unless I thought that it could be true love and lead to a permanent commitment.

How bout this senario?

Your best friend goes out with someone and their relationship sucks. You on the other hand get along with your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend great. You would be perfect tothether. Your friend eventually breaks up and goes on to find someone else, gets married and has kids. You stay in touch with your friend's X but never go out. You ask your friend if it would be ok for you two to get together and your friend says "NO".

If that was me I would go out with the girl. Why should someone be denied a lifetime of happieness just because their friend is still hung up on their X? I think some people just need to grow up (kind of ironic coming from me). I think there should be a statute of limitations on Xs and friends of Xs. A year, two years or until the friend is in a serious relationship. After that I think the Xs are fair game.

Its called respect; if I know someone that might be mad/hurt about my actions then I either refrain from pursuing it or I talk to my friend to make sure its ok.