How to Talk to Released Sister
 

Hi everyone. I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I'm also going to to keep this very vague because I have lurked long enough to know that for things happening in real time details should be kept to a minimum, just in case.

I'm a relatively recent alumna of a smaller, research-based university where Greek life was present but not a huge deal. I joined a sorority after signing up on a whim along with some other friends from my freshman floor. Despite some early misgivings about sororities (because we all know the stereotypes, and I come from an area in the country where sorority membership is not very common, and few of my older friends had joined sororities at their respective schools), I quickly grew to love Greek life and became heavily involved in my chapter including serving a term on our executive board at one point.

While I am no longer an undergrad, my younger biological sister is currently going through recruitment at a school that is very different from the one I attended. She is attending a large state school as an out-of-state student with many more chapters than mine had, but it does have a chapter of my organization. I submitted a recommendation for her as a legacy, and while she told me she was keeping a very open mind I was of course holding out hope that she would end up as my sister times two. After open house and the first invitational round, my organization as well as two other chapters had become clear favorites heading into prefs (with a break between the first two rounds and preferences/bid day).

However, earlier this week I received the call letting me know that my organization would be releasing my sister from recruitment. I spoke with the advisor, understand the situation, and from speaking to the few people I know with knowledge of the school and its Greek system I knew from the beginning that the chapter could be a fit but might not be the perfect fit that I was hoping for. So I wasn't shocked, but still sort of sad. Unfortunately, I've been sitting on this piece of news for a day or so now and still have yet to come up with how to talk to my sister if and when she calls me after receiving her invitations tomorrow night and discovers that her legacy chapter is no longer on her list. This website has offered great advice to so many other women, and someone has to has been in this situation before. I don't think that my younger sister (or at least, I hope that she isn't) the type of person to be completely crushed and drop out of recruitment because of a situation like this, but as her actual big sister I feel like I personally let her down on some level (even if I did not) and am hoping for some advice on how to talk her through it.

I know the other chapters she is really interested in, as both organizations were also at my college and included some of my closest friends, and either one would be as lucky to have her as she would to be joining them. I just want to make sure that I am able to comfort her the right way and encourage her to move on without potentially dissing my own sisterhood that I really care about at the same time. And of course, at the end of the day my little sister is my little sister and I want to make sure that she's okay.

Sorry if this got a little ramble-y at the end, like I said I've been sitting on this piece of news for a bit and have not been able to come up with the right way to deal with it so I'm really hoping for some advice. Thank you!

She might also feel like she let you down by getting cut (obviously that concept is emotional) so don't beat yourself up. Something like "it would have been cool if we could have shared XYZ, but the most important thing is you ending up in the chapter that fits you the best."

I don't think it's dissing to acknowledge that all chapters of our orgs are very different from each other, and that even if you do share letters, there are some chapters that can feel as "home" as your own chapter, and some where you would feel horribly uncomfortable. That's the reality of national organizations.

I dealt with this myself twenty years ago with Alpha Phi Omega. I was three years ahead of my biological sister in school and she expected all Alpha Phi Omega chapters to be very similar to my chapter, however there were a *lot* of things that were different in the chapter culture between the chapter at the school I attended and the one that she attended.