Dear Collegians, Please be kind to our legacies
 

Dear Collegians, in the not-so-distant future, some of you will give birth to daughters, dress them in outfits bearing your sorority mascots and sing them sorority songs to lull them to sleep. When your precious child grows up and goes away to college, you want her to have a positive sorority experience.

Please know that as alumnae, we were in your shoes not so long ago (it seems). I ask that you treat these legacies as you will want your future daughters to be treated. Make them feel welcome. Give them a good look.

As former Chi Omega National President, Kirk Bell Cocke Hassell used to say:

"Legacies are diamonds in our own backyard."

YES! This.

Agreed! I still remember how my legacy sorority treated me during recruitment. It was clear that I was not a good fit, but they were really nice to me nonetheless. I ended up having many friends in that sorority and now anytime I see someone wearing their letters I am that crazy lady that goes up to them and says "My Grandma and all her sisters were Thetas. I love Theta!" My grandmother met my grandfather through her sorority and I know her Theta membership meant a lot to both of them. My grandfather was much more upset when I was cut than I was---he threatened to call their HQ and stop giving money! :o

These are things we remember. Sorority membership is for life. The way a biological family member is treated by your sorority sisters really leaves a mark, one way or the other.

Yes! Yes! Yes! And when you are moms, collegiates, you will understand.

Times have changed a great deal since I was an active waaaay back in the day. There weren't nearly the sheer numbers of legacies at that time and we were always thrilled whenever a legacy went through rush. We pledged all of them as well as nieces and cousins who weren't true legacies but who had a family connection. Our Symphony, our Purposes, and many of our songs were already familiar to them. And our values had been inculcated in them from childhood. What a wonderful way to start sorority life!

Yes, it is very different now, sometimes with twice the number of legacies as there are places for them in a pledge class. But I can't imagine being anything but kind and appreciative of them as they are walking the same walk that we had walked long ago.

Very well put, NutBrnHair!

I was also a legacy back in the late 1970s when there weren't many sorority rushees, much less legacies.

I am amazed at the numbers in "recruitment" these days. Just today, I told a rising junior that I was completely impressed with the numbers of PNMs they are managing these days. It really seems to have become a business, but I am impressed that they continue to extend the kindness to legacies that I received, but with a dose of practicality when it comes to actual fit and the need to cut lists.

I was initiated in 1964 so am quite a bit earlier than you! The doldrums and drugs had not as yet hit the GOLs back then, so there was still great interest in joining up. There were some 600 girls who had signed up for rush with about 120 places more or less so competition was fierce.

All of our legacies were outstanding members we were thrilled to have. Daughters of some of our sisters from my time, however, defected to other GLOs, mostly Kappa and Zeta as I remember. One pledge sister (with two sons) exclaimed "They just didn't raise them right!" LOL! Many of my friends post college are Kappas. And Chi Os on my campus now compete with Kappa, which wasn't there when I went through! Both groups do exceptionally well.

When I returned to attend a reunion for our era a pledge sister and I organized some years back, the aftermath of the drug era was still in full effect. Very sad. The "All American Boy" frat had had their chapter closed by their Nationals as well as a high achieving sorority which had always been a major competitor for us. Both because of drugs, including selling them. They are both back on campus and doing well as they always had. The sororities are now quite large and there are many more of them, including the traditionally Black and the Multi-cultural groups. Also gone is the ridiculous 55 member cap on all the sororities which was ridiculous even back then. The good thing is that in a sorority of that size, we all knew each other very well. I don't know how the gals with 200 or more sisters manage!

Always, always be kind.
 

My non-Gamma Phi legacy sorority dropped me like a hot potato after I burst into tears when asked "How are you?". Why? Well, my beloved 32 year old aunt had just died of cancer. I am glad they treated me that way, though - I got to see right off the bat the depth of their care and compassion. I will say, however, that their treatment of me left a bad taste in my - and the sister of the sorority's - mouth. To this day, when that name is mentioned, I have a knee-jerk bad reaction. Be kind to legacies - even if they don't pledge your chapter, you want them and their family to think well of you.


Epilogue - when I graduated, I was awarded the Sallie Beretta Outstanding Senior Woman award at Southwest Texas State University. A member of the chapter which dropped me was sitting next to my mother as they detailed my undergraduate achievements. "Why didn't we get her?", the alumna queried. My mother was happy to let her know.

Indeed, things work out the way they are supposed to. So sorry that you were not treated with kindness and compassion.

That was so uncalled for, SWTXBelle. So sorry that happened to you. As you said, the good thing is that they showed their true colors to you early in the game. That would leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth.

Amen!

Absolutely agree! So many upset mothers called me this year when their legacy dd's were released. They shared how they had raised their daughters according to the values of The Symphony and were deeply hurt their daughters would never share in our sisterhood. Breaks my heart. I do wish the actives had more foresight and compassion when considering legacies.

I appreciate the sentiments expressed by Nut et al.

Statistically, all legacies cannot and will not be offered membership in their legacy chapter(s). It's a simple mathematical fact. If our chapters consisted mainly of legacies, we'd be doing them as well as ourselves a disservice. As alumnae we cannot and should not interfere in membership selection, and that includes any sort of "pressure" to pledge legacies. They should be given special consideration; however, we all know that not all legacies want to join their legacy chapter, nor should they. In many cases it is not a good fit.

Personally I'm especially tickled when "famous" or well-known legacies pledge a non-legacy chapter. The Pioneer Woman's daughter comes to mind - she is a thrilled Tri Delta, with a Pi Phi mother. And Katie Couric's Tri Delta legacies both pledged Theta. There are many, many other examples. Going to a non-legacy chapter is not the Kiss Of Death.

At the end of the day we are more similar than different and I am happy to see legacies join any chapter, truthfully.

Amen my Panhellenic Sister!!!!!