Not sure how I came across, could you guys give some advice?
 

So I'm a really big overthinker and I'm having a bit of trouble trying to figure out how I came across to some of the brothers at this frat I was rushing. Rush week just began here and I looked at 2 fraternities, lets say AAA and BBB. I'm pretty vanilla about greek life in general so I just wanted to check it out and see if I could bond with some of the brothers. I went to AAA's rush event (in leiu of BBB's) and had dinner with them. I shook hands with a good amount of people and talked for a while with about 3-4 people. 1 of them seemed really interested in me and we had a really good conversation, even exchanged numbers. I also had a good conversation with a different brother about careers, but the conversation started to die down and I just started talking to someone else, which I now realize was pretty rude. Secondly, a different brother mentioned about a job he was really wanted to get and I stupidly mentioned that I got an internship at that job. I honestly just was not thinking at the time and didn't realize what I said. We still talked though and it seemed okay. AAA had their invite only rush event however and I didn't get invited.

So yesterday I went to BBB's rush event. I tried to be more aware of what I said to people and asked them more about the type of stuff they were doing. I got names and talked to several people. They then had another rush event on the same night which wasn't dry. There, I met a few more brothers and one of them was also very interested in me. I asked him to introduce me to a few more people and I met several brothers in the course of the night. I got a few more numbers, and then the interested brother invited me to a different house to play pong. I never played before and I was pretty terrible at it while a few other rushes seemed to dominate. Everyone was pretty hammered at this point and I just shook hands with some of the people I met earlier on and left.

Today was a third BBB rush event (second for me) and it was pretty neutral. I couldn't really talk to too many people. Most of the brothers seemed occupied doing other things with different rushes. I feel like I really got along with a couple of BBB's brothers in yesterday's event (except for completely blowing it at pong) but today was pretty neutral. I never really considered greek life before this semester, but after talking with a lot of BBB's brothers I do enjoy BBB's fraternity and really hope that I get a bid from them. I'm afraid however that stuff such as being terrible at pong makes me less of a good fit for the fraternity. I'm just super vanilla about drinking games and have never played before, and I was up front about it with a few of the brothers. Even though one BBB brother really liked me, I feel like it won't make a difference since one brother at AAA really liked me but I didn't get any invite from them.

Tomorrow is a day of rest, and then one more rush event before the invite only events. Is there any chance I could still salvage an opportunity to get a bid from them, or at least be invited to the events? I'm not super social but I put myself out there as best as I could. It's difficult because at the wet rush event, people played drinking and video games that I never played, so I couldn't bond with them over that like the other rushes did. I could only really talk to the brothers about career/college related stuff. Even I got invited to the house by that one brother, I probably blew any chance I had to get known more by being complete shit at the pong game they played. I'd really like to show that I'd be a good fit for the group but I don't know what else I can do at this point. Some rushes have already gotten bids :( Thanks for your advice.

I'm hoping some fraternity men will offer some insight, but I'm just wondering how good the "fit" is with BBB? It doesn't sound like you enjoy the same things they do. I'm sure there are groups where you'd have shared common interests with the brothers. Would you rather play pong and video games for the next few years, or hang out with guys who are school and future focused, as you seem to be? You don't want to fake/force a "fit" that isn't real, and neither will the brothers. My gut tells me you'd be happier elsewhere -- is there time to do more research and attend other fraternity events?

It's not quite that I don't enjoy the same things that they do. In fact, I enjoy console gaming a lot. It's just that I didn't play the same game that they were playing. Also, I have no problem with drinking games and playing it was actually fun (other than the fact I was complete shit at it). It's just that I had never done it before and it felt shitty that a lot of the rushes had done it before and it made me look bad. I get what you were saying about faking a fit but I don't believe the problem is as much as a lack of interest as it is a lack of experience. There isn't time to rush any greek frat at this point other than the one you've been consistently attending events for, so I really need to put my all towards this. Believe it or not, the brothers are actually very school oriented, they just also know how to have fun which is why I'm interested in joining them.

QFP

You were invited to an "after party" - which is normally a good thing. So it seems like there is interest.

Have you sent a "thank you" note (text, email) thanking them. If not, mybe a simple note letting them know you enoyed meeting them, had fun playing beer pong - "even if I wasn't that good at it". Keep it short and simple and maybe note that you hope to meet more of the members soon.

If you have one more day of open events before intives, then go to that event as well.

Keep a positive vibe and don't worry about the games and pong. In many cases, the members just want to see if you are "chill" (do the kids still use "chill").

Best of luck.

And I'll add that when it comes to your pong-skills, self-deprecating humor usually plays well in my experience. It's not the end of the world if you suck at pong if you can laugh at yourself about it.

Thanks. I did send a thank you for introducing me message to two brothers I got numbers from. I just hope it'll be enough to get a bid, these guys are awesome. I just find it annoying and feel like I wasted an opportunity that I got invited to the house but just sucked ass at pong. I facetiously mentioned it to the brothers that I sucked and although one said that it's fine and I just have to get used to it it was pretty clear they didn't want me to play. Idk. You think I could salvage their impression of me at this last event? It's completely dry (initially) but it's hard to just go up and introduce yourself randomly at this point since they probably formed their impressions about everyone now. And if people are already getting bids this is probably a bad sign for me :(

That may be true but it was only the brother that liked me that invited me, and he didn't invite me until I saw people leaving and I went to say bye. Idk it just feels like maybe it was a spur of the moment thing rather than actually thinking I was cool.

When one over thinks and tries too hard, it has the potential to come across as desperation in one's face, voice and mannerisms. Have confidence in yourself - smile, eye contact, laugh, have a good time and not worry about every last move or thing you say. Just do like TSteven said and be "chill".

I also want to point out that, with spring rush, it may be less about how you are coming across, and more about connections you've made the previous semester. Obviously you can't go back in time, but if it seems like other rushees are getting more attention, it may have nothing to do with anything you are doing at the event itself; maybe those rushees already knew the guys. Which is to say, relax, see if it feels like a fit, and if not, consider making friends with guys in fraternities to be ready for the fall.

Very true, a lot of people I talked to seemed to already know some of the brothers, although I'm not sure how likely this is because most of the rushes were freshman and the brothers at the party were juniors+. I had 2 connections in a different fraternity that would've definitely given me a bid, but I didn't rush that frat, mostly since there is a very negative connotation associated with it. I decided to rush BBB even though I didn't know anybody because I wanted to see if maybe I could get in on my own merit. Poor choice in hindsight.

Agreed. sialater, I think the answer to your question is in the first sentence of your first post:

Quote:

Originally Posted by sialater (Post 2307202) So I'm a really big overthinker . . . .

Hard as it is, try not to overthink. Try to relax and have a good time.