Considering disaffiliating.
 

So, hello. I came here looking for advise. I am a member of Tri Sigma, joining last Spring. When I joined I was a transfer student looking for a place to belong. I fell in love with Sigma. but with that, my who life became Sigma. Now, I feel like I never actually got to know any of my sisters, and they didn't get to know me. I've apparently said things that people didn't agree with and instead of coming to me about it, they went to my big. I also just recent;y became a Big.

I just feel my life has just become Sigma and I need to take a step back, so I did. Now I've made friends in another group, Cru, and they make me feel more accepted and wanted then my own sorority does. I feel like when I joined Sigma, I pushed my relation with God out the door, and I don't like that.

I want to be there for my little and not leave her, but Im starting to feel like I don't belong. It seems that everything is being focused on Winning and not on forming bonds of sisterhood.

I can't talk to my big about this because I don't think she would approve, her big left her 1 semester after she was initiated. It has given her resentment, and I don't want to do that to my little.

I just don't know what to do and could use some advise.

OFP

How do the people in Cru feel about your Greek affiliation? Positive, negative or couldn't care less?

Cru is not the same as a greek organization. If you care about right now more than the rest of your life, I guess go for it. Cru is just a campus club. I don't see members leaving fraternities for Key Club, that is basically what you are suggesting.

You likely made some vows about being a member for life, that you would be faithful to Sigma.. I guess in a fleeting moment of not feeling like you're the center of attention, you'd be willing to go back on that.

Try actually committing yourself to Sigma like you promised to. Be competitive with your sisters, help your chapter achieve big things. That is how those bonds are formed. You don't just go through some ritual and magically have some sort of amazing friendships--those have to appear organically through sharing experiences.

And this bit about having to choose your org or Christ is a load of hooey. I'll bet if you organized a group of sisters to go to church or wanted to hold Bible studies at the house, you'd probably get a fair number of takers.

Why can't you do both? Part of the college experience is learning time management. After college you will have many more obligations than just one thing in your life going on at the same time.

It is not the sorority's fault that you probably went all gaga over your sorority membership when you first joined and burned yourself out. Sounds like you are headed for the same outcome in Cru. Find a healthy balance between both organizations.

Is there a reason that you couldn't do both? I know plenty of people who were Greek members and also participated in Cru, Young Life, and other religious organizations.

In reading your post it sounds like your approach to both groups has been an "all or nothing" mentality. I would encourage you to give much, but not all, to each of them for the rest of the semester. This is, in fact, a great life skill. The older you get, the more balance and juggling you will be required to do. Relationships, work, academic pursuits, hobbies and faith all have a place in the lives of many individuals and we manage to make each aspect work.

Finally, when you say that your new friends make you feel more accepted, could that be that your friends in Sigma aren't sure why you've pulled away? Might they think that you have pulled away from their friendship instead of Sigma as an entity? In other words, they may be feeling just as hurt and perplexed as you are feeling right now.

You need to give *something* to your sorority. Yes, early on the older members are loving all over the new members to help them feel welcome. Guess what? Those new members (i.e. YOU) get older and become the members that have to start doing the work. The shine of new membership wears away but the shine of sorority membership doesn't. You just have to do some work to see it.

Good luck.

haha jinx.

The word that comes to my mind is "balance." This is an opportune time to learn to balance the things that matter to you and to learn how to let them compliment one another rather than be exclusive of one another.

Owe you a coke- or a coffee at milk and honey, Comrades True!